Nine Song Titles That Read Like Bad Babelfish Results

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aphex.jpg
Good question.

Richard D. James's song titles are so full of cat-walking-on-keyboard gibberish ("Omgyjya-Switch7," "INKEY$" "ΔMi−1 = −αΣn=1NDi[n][Σj∈C{i}Fji[n − 1] + Fexti[[n−1]]") that it makes for sharp non sequiturs whenever there's a hint he's fucking with you, like "Cock/Ver 10." Even more maddening is that a little research turns up meaning: "Lornaderek" is a portmanteau of his parents' first names, which makes sense, since the track is James' parents singing "Happy Birthday" into his answering machine. So it's fun to surmise about the logic behind James's other Scrabble triple-word scores. Like 1995 favorite, "Wet Tip Hen Ax" seems easy enough: if I had a "hen ax," presumably for axing hens, it's safe to assume the "tip" would be "wet" from their "blood." Okay!

Eight more like Aphex Twin's "Wet Tip Hen Ax", below:

Listen: Fountains of Wayne, "California Sex Lawyer"

Fountains of Wayne, "California Sex Lawyer"
The chorus is "CALIFORNIA SEX LAWYER/ OHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAH!" and it's all pumped about this dream job that isn't even a thing. This grotesquely unwarranted ball of swagger gets even more confusing: "IT'S NOT FAIR/ BUT BABY I DON'T CAAAAAARE." "California sex lawyer"? Sure a few exist, but realistically, FoW might as well be singing, "TORONTO BREAD ANALYST/ OHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAH!"

R.E.M., "Circus Envy"
The somewhat retrospectively misunderstood Monster has its deep moments, but the appeal of an R.E.M. grunge album presaged a legion of Gavin Rossdales--punk rage as garbled nonsense. Of course, it might've been funnier if the reigning leader of inarticulate rage at the time hadn't just killed himself and cast a pall over everyone else's real-or-fake angst. Still, tunes like "Circus Envy" (recorded in special extra-shitty-fi) lightened the tension with unserious glam posturing and "Here comes that awful feeling again" swerving straight into classic Michael Stipe haiku. "Put pepper in my coffee/ I forgot to bark on command." Woof.

Weezer, "Dope Nose"
Drug reference? Too easy. In 2002, Rivers Cuomo liked to flaunt being a jackass who could say things like "Cheese smells so good/On a burnt piece of lamb" over sky-budget Who riffing and still have a big-enough hit to annoy bloggers who really care about that sort of thing. Also in 2011.

Find more artists like Archers of Loaf at Myspace Music

Archers of Loaf, "Quinn Beast"
Archers of Loaf were on tour and a female acquaintance cut in line and took the last plate at Shoney's Breakfast Bar--let's assume her name was Quinn. So they blew the "incident" way out of proportion and wrote a really fearsome, epic rock song about "the mighty Quinn BEAST" who "always gets what she wants/ And she wants what she gets/ She wants more (MORE) more (MORE)/ She's the first in line/ Every single time/ She wants more (MORE) more (MORE)." This is why I love Archers of Loaf: unlike Pavement, they make their inside gags translate outside their little circle, and they're really funny. The word "beast" is also really funny when it's applied to people for really uncalled for reasons, like taking the last plate.

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