American Idol Sets Up A Pretty Boring Finale

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So we lost Haley Reinhart this week. Fuck you, America. That's all I really have to say about that. I don't know why twangy teenagers are bulldozing everyone else this year, but it's going to make for a truly boring one-note final show. Has American Idol ever had a less interesting final two than Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina? Even the Taylor Hicks season had Katharine McPhee, who was pretty good. Scotty's obviously going to win this thing; that's been pretty clear from about week four. But I could've really used a couple more Haley performances in my life. Haley looked pissed. I sympathize. Unfortunately, she departed with "Bennie and the Jets," probably my least favorite of her performances all season. She also neglected to scream her final note directly in Casey Abrams' face and reciprocate his gesture from a few weeks back.

• As the opening crowd-sweep shots showed, this week's audience included virtually every ex-contestant from this season. They were all sitting in the crowd, all clapping wildly. What a bunch of losers.

• In a video package, the remaining contestants all went to the Bad Robot studios to meet J.J. Abrams, and just so we'd know who J.J. Abrams was, posters for some of his projects flashed across the screen. Lost was not included, which is weird since Lost is by far the most famous J.J. Abrams project and because James Durbin was one of the kids there, so clearly we were in one of those Lost-style temporal loopholes. I kept expecting to see Sawyer roll through in a Dharma Initiative jumpsuit, barking out orders. The kids all got to see scenes from Super 8, but not the entire movie, presumably because one of them could've bootlegged the damn thing on their phones. These cross-promotional things usually annoy the piss out of me, but this one was fine, largely because I seriously can't wait to see Super 8. This also led to all the kids getting their own Super 8 cameras so that they could document, in shaky and amateurish fashion, their scream-heavy hometown visits. And thus a new generation of filmmakers was born.

• Elle Fanning turned out to be one of those annoying celebrity guests who won't pick a favorite contestant because "they're all amazing." They are not all amazing, Elle Fanning! You're a Fanning! You should know amazing when you see it! She also giggled like she was Jimmy Fallon watching National Lampoon's Vacation while high. She must be a real pain in the ass on set.

• The turnout at Haley Reinhart's hometown visit was pretty impressive considering that it was fucking disgusting in Chicago this past weekend. Anyone willing to stand out in that cold and rain to catch a glimpse of Haley Reinhart is a dedicated Idol fan. We also got some fun interactions between Haley and her human mountain of a bodyguard; somebody needs to make that reality show happen. During her concert, she sang with her dad on guitar. The powers that be need to let her dad join the touring Idol band, because Haley's dad is almost certainly the best American Idol dad ever. Beyond that, it was all the normal screaming-crying hometown-visit stuff.

• The Ford music video happened. The contestants played around on a beach and sang an Uncle Kracker song. If they can't be bothered to do any goddamn thing with those videos, I can't be bothered to make any jokes about it.

• At first, I thought the first musical guest this week was Il Divo, Simon Cowell's pet pop-opera project, and I thought it was weird that the show was giving them any shine now that Simon is unattached. But no, it turns out that it was Il Volo, an entirely different pop-opera boy band. Look, I barely know who Il Divo is. I don't have enough room in my brain for these biters. Go away, Il Volo. Take that biting-ass pop-opera shit back to Italy.

• Only notable thing about Scotty McCreery's home visit: Josh Turner, the singer who fathered his whole style, showed up to surprise him during his concert. Nobody could've blamed Turner for calling Scotty out on his blatant swagger-jacking, but no, he just sang with him. It was cute. I guess it's also notable that Scotty cried really, really hard. Scotty: Still a child!

• Nicole Scherzinger, the chick from the Pussycat Dolls and quite possibly my editor's least favorite person on planet Earth, tried to get us to loosen up her buttons, but we kept fronting. Wait, no. She sang her shitty fake-reggae new single, which involved her singing in the goofiest fake patois since the Sugarland chick. 50 Cent delivered a perfectly acceptable guest verse. This song is definitely not going to be any sort of hit.

• Lauren Alaina had to drive through hurricane devistation on her trip home, and she cried a whole bunch. Way to fuck up Lauren's home visit, tornado. She also threw out the first pitch at a minor-league game and showed demonstrably shittier pitching skills than Scotty. She can't beat that kid at anything!

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24 comments
blast
blast

Lauren Alaina has such a beautiful ass!

Scotty
Scotty

Lauren Alaina's butt is bigger than Beyoncé's.

DL
DL

 The fu is so right on.  I hate Randy now, I really hate JLo (not talent), I love love Tyler... while useless as a judge, he respects the people enough to let them be, and frankly when he disagreed he did stick up for the contestant.  Haley won my very musical ear early on, just like she apparently won a lot of others based on You Tube views (check out her numbers against the others) and ratings on Itunes.  The show was so pimping Lauren from the start that I suspect she is destined to win with the lack of realized ability that we should expect from a winner. 

Haley could have a career, I mean Carly Simon, Carol King, Stevie Nicks.. The uinque voices for generations past had long sustainable careers.. As a female artist like Sheryl Crow or Dion... you either need that edge or be an unblievable torch singer..  Haley can kind of do both.   And as we see with Kelly Clarkson, she could extend her career my doing some soft country crossover way down the road.   Durbin depends on the music market, but he has the gumption.  Pia, really just a belter overall.. not sure her style suits a Mariah type, she had no RB chops.  Casey... I peg him as a ridiculously good producer down the road and prehaps a niche artist. 

Enough already!
Enough already!

Please be sure to recap next week as I won't be watching.   Sorry Country not my genre.   Sure judges, Nigel, Jimmy, etc. happy as they did everything humanly possible to get these two kids in the finals.  Oh well, Yawn!

Aaron Cunningham
Aaron Cunningham

C'mon, TB!  I know you hate "Benny & The Jets", but no mention of the way Haley went from "apoplexy" to "horror" to "forget you!" to "Swagger on a hundred thousand trillion" at the end?  That was the best part of the show for me.  Well, second best.  I ran out to Pizza Hut during Il Popolo, so not seeing much of that was pretty great.

"Now we all ain't gon' be American Idols...  But you can 'least grab a camera, shoot a viral..."

melbouc
melbouc

No mention of Jacob and Naima in the audience? I got all nostalgic when I saw them sitting there and then dancing to Haley's final tune. Can't wait to see them in the finale.

Starryn0776
Starryn0776

Oh get over  yourself, maybe you should try to have an original thought instead of repeating crap.The season 5 finale was the best ever, a good cast of characters LED by Taylor Hicks whose harmonica playing and black leather blew the roof off the place and landed him the cover of People magazine. Anyone else done that.? And then Taylor proceeded to take over for Kat doing double duty on the summer tour for the first few weeks when she just couldn't make it. Most attended summer tour ever and the people were screaming for Taylor. Only problem Taylor had was not jumping high enough when the suits told him to, so they started saying garbage about him and the sheep in the media played follow the leader. But , so what, hes doing just fine.

Vaulter
Vaulter

I enjoyed Idol when James was around. There is really nothing exciting with the remaining finalists.

Oliveru
Oliveru

I can tell you, Haley Reinhart will be the biggest star of the 3....I love her style of blues, jazzy singing.. I also love Country which as a country fan.. Scotty and Lauren do not have it. Im done with American Idol... just a waist of time.. The new country singers, which there are alot of them, are awesome comeing up...Casey James will be the huge starr from American Idol and he came in 3rd last year. Scotty is a JOSH TURNER wanta be.  I FELT THEY WERE NOT FAIR TO HALEY...They seemed to baby the other singers and give her crap.. she had the hardest songs to sing. STEVEN TYLER did stick up for her..BECAUSE HE KNOWS MUSIC.

Rgordon002
Rgordon002

So now Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina will be battling it out for what many critics and fans are calling third place, behind James Durbin (second place) and Pia Toscano (first place).

ADO
ADO

I'm with you, its so damn boring.  At least James performed and did a stage show.  Scotty sits down with his guitar and Lauren stands in her frocks.  Excitement ... no thanks .. boring ... Yes.  No more idol watching here this year! 

Jmech
Jmech

 Yeah, Taylor is having a hell of a career!  Are you serious?  His selection was one of the more disastrous of AI.

Jmech
Jmech

 Sorry to all of the Haley lovers, but having listened to the final 3 a couple of times, Haley would have been ripped to shreds by Simon had he been around.  In 2 out of 3 performances she was horrid.  This year's judges do not point out the problems.  When they did for Haley, everyone was concerned about how nasty they were being to her.  Listen up, there was a reason.  She will not have the career of the finalists.  Live with that.

Happypost
Happypost

So sorry, Oliveru but you have it wrong.  Haley should have gone home weeks ago.  She is just not a good singer.  She has a terrible attitude which I think really hurt her alot not to  mention her vulgar mouth. I think American finally got it right this year.    

Juliewilliams842
Juliewilliams842

I soooooo agree! the last couple of years seem to go country.  James still should have won, with haily or scott coming in second.  Yeah im 46 but I still like to rock.  Would have been nice to see a rocker win.  Don't understand this years voters, their young or deaf. or both.  I've been a faithful  idol watcher for ten years. After james now haily, I think I'm done with idol in the future.  Sorry james and haily, hope two see them make great careers like others have done in the past from this show.  LONG LIVE ROCK..... 

thetruth
thetruth

Yes, yes, Taylor Hicks has had a HUGELY successful post Idol career - enough to make himself a few million dollars, set up his own record label, own his own restaurant, produced 3 CDs, 1 DVD, starred on Broadway, toured pretty steadily for 5 years, be RIAA Platinum Certified and most of all, doing this by controlling his own career.  YES, I'd say that's pretty f*cking successful. 

Starryn0776
Starryn0776

Thing is you have no idea what you are talking about. Taylor is a walking encyclopedia of music. Plus he is one of the best harp players in the country. He has put together a great blues and rock band. He is busy all the time. Has several sold out shows this month. He is in demand for private gigs all over the place. He will be a headliner at one of the biggest music fests in the country this summer. He sits in a lot with Robert Randolph and the family band, Ivan Nevilles band, and many other of the biggest jambands in the country.  He is one of the best frontmen I have ever seen with a great powerful voice or a blues growl. He has sold many more CDs than the media give him credit for, having one of the top 3 debut albums and the only debut song to go gold.   He is following a different path, since I don't get a cut of the money, I don't care how many CDs any of them sell but I do care about live music and that is where Taylor shines. 

MisterMiguel
MisterMiguel

She has a recording contract now with Interscope. You're still a clueless idiot. Live with that.

Zach
Zach

The thing is, though, this year's judges are ALWAYS positive to the underwhelming performances that Scotty and Lauren have been doing.  Haley's the only one they consistently criticize.  Simon would've ripped them ALL apart.

MisterMiguel
MisterMiguel

Haley is a fine singer and could have easily performed the numbers Scotty and Lauren did.It would be laughable to watch them attempt the songs she did. A lot of people believe pandering for votes by kissing a cross and pushing your religion is a vulgar act. Others think you're a damn fool for being a believer in the first place. And not so nice when you  cast aspersions on someone's character for the way they look or using a "bad" word. Judge not lest you be judged, asshole.

Uvanka
Uvanka

Bullshit Happy -- take that head outta ur ass, man. Haley = #1.

Lesadimick46
Lesadimick46

If I wanted to watch a show for best country star I would watch CMT not idol, idol is getting so boring and a final with laren and scotty I am yawning now, haley did have a bad attitudebut the judges are somewhat to blame.  They never gave anything but positive feedback to lauren and scotty and they should have given them some negitive because they did not always give a perfect performance..  It reminds me of taylor hicks the judges never had anything negitive to say about him and Chris D is laughing all the way to the bank.  The judges on idol dont always get it right.  A lot idol winners have turned out to be losers after all the big idol smoke clears. 

Lesadimick46
Lesadimick46

Daughtry kick his but in sales and is one of the top three earners in AI history 

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