15 Sexual Insights And Lovemaking Technique Tips From Mötley Crüe
Former Jarvis Cocker backup dancer and current Seattle Weekly Dategirl Judy McGuire's new book, The Official Book Of Sex, Drugs, and Rock N' Roll Lists, is rife with lists counting down debauched and out-there moments of Ozzy Osbourne's health tips, pot-smoking hints from Willie Nelson, marriage tips from Coco, and so on. In advance of tonight's star-studded reading in the book's honor at powerHouse Arena, we present an excerpt where the members of Mötley Crüe offer their indelicate tips on the delicate matter of romance.
Music writer Mick Wall once described Mötley Crüe as making Led Zeppelin "look like pussycats." The band has sold millions of records, snorted, smoked, and shot up hundreds of pounds of drugs, and fucked more women than most men will even see fully clothed over their entire lifetime. As Nikki Sixx so wisely put it, "You may as well learn about sex from Mötley Crüe [rather] than your parentsit's a lot more fun."
Dr. Vince Neil, lead singer
1. "We were always fucking other chicks at the studio and backstage... We would take Tommy's van to a restaurant called Noggles to buy these egg burritos and then rub them on our crotches to cover the smell of the girls we had just fucked... we never thought about going into the restroom and just washing our dicks." (Hustler)
2. "Well, sometimes I just want to get back on the tour bus and watch a little Judge Judy. Just relax with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some Judge Judy and that's it, man. Those are some good times." (Vanity Fair, 11/27/2009)
3. "When we were really hard up, Nikki and I would date girls who worked in grocery stores just for the free food. But we always bought our own booze. It was a matter of pride." (The Dirt)
Dr. Tommy Lee, drummer/swordsman
4. "My favorite thing to do when I'm in the southland is to pull my girl's lips all the way back so that her little Gummi Bear just pops out at me. Dude, I love Gummi Bears!"
5. "Let's not forget to drink our pineapple juice every morning either, fellas. A glass a day will do yaan hour before you get it on is even better. It'll make your cum sweet and your girl will definitely love you for that. That's one for you, ladies!" (Tommyland)
6. [On sobriety.] "You f*ck a lot more too, man. I'm digging that... sometimes I would start hittin' it at noon with a vodka lemonade so by two in morning you're just tired and the last thing you want is to get fucking crazy. So I'm just a lot clearer, fucking hornier. So it's a good thing." (AskMen.com)
7. "We know from SeaWorld's own director of safety (as well as videos on the web) that the way you get his sperm is by having someone get into the pool and masturbate him with a cow's vagina filled with hot water... even in my wildest days with Mötley Crüe, I never could've imagined something so sick and twisted." (from an outraged letter to SeaWorld regarding their manual stimulation of Tillikum the killer whale)