The Least Likely Music Headlines of 2013

Categories: News Roundup

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For the last six months, the Sound of the City Supercomputer (a 1998 Compaq Presario) has been analyzing the structure and content of every pop news headline in the world in order to create a highly detailed predictive model of the music industry. While this project has important practical uses, such as predicting the exact date of Paul Simon's death to 99.6% certainty, we also like to comb the data for a few hot giggles once in a while. This weekend, we reversed some parameters to make it output a brief list of the least likely headlines; for science, we share them now.

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1. Steve Albini to release Spotify-exclusive EP recorded entirely on iPad

2. New My Bloody Valentine album "nowhere close to done," Kevin Shields admits

3. Lightning strikes twice? English-language Psy single tops Hot 100

4. Brandon Flowers: new Killers album "not great, but pretty good"

5. Rocker J. Mascis wins Tour de France

6. Kreayshawn sweeps BET Awards

7. Jay Electronica issues musical recording

8. Glee's Lou Reed/Metallica episode brings record ratings

9. Study: most newborns do not instinctively recoil in horror from visage of Steven Tyler

10. Two killed, nine injured in Coolio concert crowd crush

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