Trapped in the Closet's Return Proves R. Kelly Is Piss Outta Material

Categories: R. Kelly

Jesus H. Christ, R. Kelly!

After five long years, the Pied Piper of r&b finally debuted a batch of new chapters in his usually scandalous, occasionally histrionic, often times ridiculous (and possibly Broadway bound) hip-hopera Trapped in the Closet on Friday night. Airing in one, big clump over on IFC, chapters 23 through 33 are over 40 minutes of R. Kelly once again reminding us that, when it comes to serial storytelling, the man is about as focused as a 8-year-old kid hopped up on Monster energy drinks and chocolate-covered coffee beans.

See Also:

- R. Kelly Is Hanging On The Telephone
- R. Kelly Got Jokes - Sex addict, preacher, comedian: the many sides of r&b's Pied Piper
- R. Kelly's Write Me Back Rides The Retro Soulacoaster

Warning: The following contains spoilers.

When we last left the story, in Chapter 22, all the characters were frantically calling each other on their phones, concerned over a rumor that Rufus, the married pastor who had an affair with a man, may have contracted something known as "the package" from now-hospitalized lover Chuck. And considering how stricken with fear and panic everybody was about it, the "package" in question had to be AIDS. Now, here we are five years later, and apparently enough time has passed where all that "package" noise is old news. No one talks about it in the new chapters. The only time it's brought up is when a TV interviewer asks Rufus if Chuck did have AIDS and was that the "package" that got everyone out of whack. Both Rufus and these new chapters refuse to answer that question.

Rufus isn't the only one who gets grilled on-camera. Most of the new chapters consist of several characters giving their own sides of the story so far for a TV show, which we can only assume is the talk show Out of the Closet with Larry. So, possibly in another five years or whenever, the next batch of Trapped chapters will have the characters engaging in some chair-throwing, Jerry Springer-style ish.

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