Exclusive Interview: Dethklok's Skwisgaar Skwigelf Makes Fake Boobs Explode

Categories: Interview, Metal

I has a simultaneous hands massage by Buddhist monks (ladies of course, yes de only two in existensk--and yes dey ams hot). Dens I does some deep knee bends, and dens I drinks some Fives Hours Energies drinks, dens I looks in de mirror and sucks in my cheeks and makes faces for about 20 minutes, and dens I puts ice in my underpants (soz dat I can keeps focused on de jobs at hands), and dens I warms ups with my Gibsons Thunderhorse fors abouts 40 minutes. Bings. Bongs. Booms. Showstimes.

How do you feel about the fact that the original Dethklok guitarist, Magnus Hammersmith, showed up at the funeral of Roy Cornickelson [late president of Dethklok's record label]?
I has very littles to sez abouts hims. I don't wants to gives him de press. But stupid Tokis surrounds himselves with de woirsts of de woirsts.

Speaking of which, if you could do anything you wanted to Dr. Rockzo, with no consequences at all, what would you do to him?
I just feels bad for dat fucks upseds clowns. I would want to just helps him to be a less confused idiots jacks-offs. But rights before dats I'd likes to sticks his tongues in a wet opens outlet and films it. I thinks dats would goes virals.

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Roseland Ballroom

239 W. 52nd St., New York, NY

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