These Artists Should Sell Coffins As Merch

3. Lady GaGa
Like Alice Cooper, Lady GaGa delights in simulating her death onstage, so for her the merch coffin is an obvious fit. The GaGa coffin is characterized by its fabulousness: it is shaped like a heel-less platform shoe, bedazzled with sequins, and splattered with blood. It can be modified for Monsters of all shapes and sizes, every last one of them proud to have Died This Way.

2. Ozzy Osbourne
Blessed with freakishly good health that defies medical explanation, Ozzy may outlive us all. But for fans who are not so fortunate, there is The Prince of Darkness Urn. Simple, forged from black onyx (thought to protect from negative energy), the urn is marked with a golden cross. Ashes therein will enjoy a peaceful repose atop any mantlepiece or home entertainment center. Lift the lid, and "Mr. Crowley" emanates from within, perfuming the air with the song of afterlife.

1. Justin Bieber
The Bieber Coffin: for Beliebers who succumbed to Bieber Fever. For some, the pain of unrequited love is just too much for their adolescent hearts to bear. Sadly, these tweens may find themselves in need of a gentle place to lay their aggrieved heads once the fever has taken its toll. The Bieber Coffin is designed with them in mind, as sweet nothings recorded by Bieber himself will whisper into the deceased's ears for as long as the batteries last (the coffin comes with an equivalent of 100 iPhone battery lives). Each model is outfitted with a life-sized Bieber wax replica adorned with angel wings, custom-fitted to encircle the Belieber's remains. Thus, nestled forever in Bieber's winged arms, the departed resides in blissful infinity.

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