Who or What Will Chris Brown Fight Next?

Categories: Chris Brown

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Exclusive photo from Chris Brown's latest fight.
When you look at Chris Brown, what do you see? A bully with an entourage all too happy to start a dust-up over a perceived slight or a parking space? An emotionally crippled/stunted young man who is the sad victim of the cycle of domestic abuse? A wanton spreader of pink eye? The boo-hooingest crybaby of 2010's BET Awards? No matter how you view him, one thing is indisputable: Chris Brown can't stop, won't stop (throwing punches at people and/or destroying things)! His list of victims keeps growing--Rihanna, the Window at Good Morning America, Drake, His Own Neck, A Cell Phone, and now, Pazz & Jop Champion Frank Ocean. Who or what will be next? If a pattern can be gleaned from his previous spats (and it can) we can attempt an accurate guess. So let's give that a shot.

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Oprah
If there's one thing we know Chris Brown can't take very well it's criticism. Or reasoned discussion about his horrible actions. Or advice of any kind. He's proven time and again he's a selfish Me Me Me'r who will punch or slap or throw a chair against anyone or thing that dares question his actions or gets in his way. Enter Oprah. Back when Chris Brown first turned from Wrigley's Selling r&b Everyman to his generation's Ike Turner, Oprah spoke some hard truths to Rihanna about Brown, saying he'd act out again. Oprah being Oprah, she was right, and Chris has gone out of his way to prove he can't be reformed. Of course, Oprah being Oprah, she will, at some point, smugly go on TV to say "See, I Told You So." This will get back to Brown via his many Team Breezy Operatives, and next time he's in Chicago having a 45-course meal at Charlie Trotter's he will see Oprah across the dining room, fly into an unstoppable rage, and destroy the place, squirting a squeeze bottle of truffle oil onto Oprah's outfit while punching Stedman in the throat.

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A Potted Plant
It was in his way.

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Danny Brown
For this Tweet. And for having the temerity to use the same last name.

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An Old iPhone Charger
For not fitting his new iPhone.

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2 comments
bkoshkin
bkoshkin

Someone had to be this generation's Bobby Brown. 

kplo
kplo moderator communitymanager

That old iPhone charger totally had it coming.

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