Who or What Will Chris Brown Fight Next?
A Can of Progresso Creamy Tomato Basil Soup
The high fiber in Progresso's Creamy Tomato Basil soup keeps Chris Brown regular, and primed to shit on the retinas of those who may start an ill-advised Twitter war with him. He loves the stuff, its tangy/creamy combo just the type of comfort he seeks after a long, hard day fighting and punching and kicking and crying and fighting. This particular can-- which he fought Eric Benet over at a Vons earlier in the day-- is expired. Chris Brown flies into a rage, throws the can through a glass window, breaks a potted plant, and attempts to shit on the retinas of the four handlers who happen to be around him at the time. He is unable to do so without the aid of his soup.
The Entire Cast of Glee
Sure, they did "No Air." But that hardly counts. Chris Brown wants an entire episode. He also thought they delivered the first line of "No Air"-- "If I should die before I wake/ It's because you took my breath away"-- with a wink. Both unacceptable. Both worth a fight.
Every employee at Vons
For selling him a can of expired soup.