The Top Ten Awesomely Absurd and Absurdly Awesome Clutch Lyrics

Categories: Clutch


Throughout two decades and ten albums, D.C. rock outfit Clutch has evolved into one of the mightiest blues-rock bands around. One of the tangibles that make Clutch stand out is vocalist Neil Fallon, whose lyrical output and delivery at times borders on the edge of both awesomely absurd and absurdly awesome. With the band's new album Earth Rocker coming out this week, let's take a moment to revisit our favorite Clutch lyrics.

See also: Live: Motörhead, Clutch, And Valient Thorr Pack 'Em In At Best Buy Theater

10. "Walking In The Great Shining Path of the Monster Trucks"(1:13-1:26)
From: Transnational Speedway League (1993)
Sample lyric: Well I rolled Jesse Helms like a cigarette/ And smoked him higher than the highest of the minarets/ Jesse James couldn't even handle it /
Started looking at me like I was Sanskrit

Analysis: In a song loaded with references to crashing Cadillacs through the gates of hell and a comparison of Evil Knieval to the great scholar Virgil, it is a testament that THIS is the set of lyrics that stand out the most.

9. "The Elephant Riders" (1:21-1:45)
From: The Elephant Riders (1998)
Sample lyric: On our way to Washington where work is done by men with gavels/ I heard a sound that just about removed me from my filly's saddle/
Just outside of Antietam, where once there was a mighty battle /
I heard the rhythm of the hammers beating the rail lines together

Analysis: History lessons about the Civil War era have never been more badass.

8. "Pure Rock Fury" (0:18-0:42)
From: Pure Rock Fury (2001)
Sample lyric: Hands down the illest ventriloquist this side of the Mississippi River/ That's right operator smoother than faders on an automated sound board / Andretti's never raced me but if he wants to oh I'm ready / Coordination of the eye and hand is not my strong point but I make due with what I have
Analysis: We really hope that the ventriloquist brings his dummy to ride shotgun when he gets around to racing Andretti.

7. "Burning Beard" (0:12-0:50)
From: Robot Hive / Exodus (1995)
Sample lyric: Every day I wake up we drink a lot of coffee and watch the CNN/ Every day I wake up to a bowl of clover honey and let the locusts fly in /
Lobsterbacks attack the town again / Wrap all my things in aluminum/ Beams of darkness streak across the sky / Pink rays from the ancient satellite

Analysis: The British have attacked! Of course the proper procedure is to protect all of your belongings from the surveillance satellites.

See also: The Clutch Rocks-Off Boat Cruise

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