The Very Intentional Self-Destruction of Justin Bieber

Categories: Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber.jpg
Unlike many a male performer before him who created an epic legacy through their unique musical talents and tragic deaths (SHOUT OUT to Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Bob Marley, Freddie Mercury, Kurt Cobain, Tupac Shakur, and Hugo Chavez!), Justin Bieber has chosen a different path towards earning respect: purposefully engaging in destructive behavior in an effort to ditch his tween fan base and reconstruct himself as a tragically flawed, artistically deep man worth listening to. Don't believe it? Let us be your boyfriend break it down.

See also: No One Trusts the Tastes of Teenage Girls, But Should: Why Justin Bieber Is the Next Beatles

Justin + Sex Symbol = Sex Appeal

Before 2013 even began, Justin Bieber made purposeful strides towards becoming a man. He did this by doing what all men dream of - making unwarranted sexual advances on Victoria Secret Angels. Rawr! But unlike other men, Justin's reasons for publicly flaunting his interest in 19-year-old model Barbara Palvin by Instagraming photographs with her and escorting her to a Broadway show and visiting her in Miami was not for sexual intercourse (probs tho). The real reason he engaged in this questionable behavior while "on break" from his long-term relationship with Disney Princess Selena Gomez was to establish himself as a sexually active, attractive, and available grownup. The subsequent (and equally public) feud with the princess only amplified this, and once they were officially done-zo, Justin had successfully completed his first thesis: "I am a man and I am ready for women!"

Justin + Lil Twist = Street Credit (and Street Accidents)

But establishing himself as a man for 2013 didn't translate to establishing himself as an adult artist. In order to start that process, some street cred would be necessary. And in order for some street cred, some vehicular-destruction would also be necessary. Enter Lil Twist! Justin Bieber made sure that everybody knew his new best friend was Lil Twist, a young rapper from Dallas signed to Young Money Entertainment. To prove their best-friend-ship, Justin Bieber did what most people with friends with names like Lil Twist would never do - loan his $100,000+ car to him! (Side Note: Is it even a car anymore once it costs that much money? And the actual name of this "car" is the Fisker Karma. I've never seen those two words together and it sounds more like the name of a cat Kama Sutra book then a vehicle, but I digress).

The first time the Biebs lent his car to Lil Twist inadvertently resulted in the death of paparazzi photographer Chris Guerra on January 1st. Happy New Year! The second time he lent his car to Lil Twist resulted in a March 5th hit-and-run with Chris Brown allegedly in the passenger seat. Ooops! Now Justin only lets Lil Twist drive his less-expensive Range Rover. But that's okay, because his second thesis towards gaining artistic credibility was complete: "I'm not some white pop star punk -- I like black people and I let them crash my cars!"

See also: SNL Sound-Off: Justin Bieber


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14 comments
Jessica Brooks
Jessica Brooks

I said 2 years ago I wanted him tranquilized forever now I just want his neck snapped, no need to waste the meds.

jonathan.nyc
jonathan.nyc topcommenter

So, you're saying every misjudgment on his part is part of a stupid attempt to re-make his image.  If you're right, that's *really* stupid.


Well, it's not uncommon for guys that age to do *really* stupid things. 

Adam Smale
Adam Smale

I'm sure he is still getting tons on good, healthy, constructive advice from people who actually care, too. NOT!!!

Tom Obrzut Jr.
Tom Obrzut Jr.

Why are you posting articles from Mar. 2013? Way to be on top of things

tom.polcari
tom.polcari

The doctor is in...I prolly have  more 19 year old friends and acquaintences (sp) than most guys my age as I work at 15 or more frats at a prestigious and huge California university...The writer of the Village Voice has done a lot homework on his article and, to be honest, raised some interesting thoughts on the Bieb....Dont get me wrong, I love the Bieb and will stick by him thru thick and thin...Justin loves the limelight but is sometimes annoyed when the public pesters him. After all, we all need some space and privacy of our own. The author is right tho- Bieber is writing a new page in his book almost daily, causing people to ask "What is Justin up to today?" His psycho attack on the pap in London was a classic and I reviewed it over and over...Here Justin is saying "Hey world, Im no little kid anymore. Im a man to be respected...and, if you dont belieb me, Ill punch you out!"  That prolly drew a round of applause from many.  A lot more could be said of the article, but my hat(s) off to the author- its one of the most intelligent and insightful writings on the Biebs Ive seen so far...Maybe Justin is throwing off the teeny bops and going for an older more mature audience....I see my frat guys growing and maturing by leaps and bounds. The body and mind change rapidly during post adolescence, and thats what Bieber is going through. Im going along for the ride- no matter what happens. I just pray that he stays safe and happy through the whole drama....Dr. Tom

PS. Maybe Justin Bieber needs a man in his life. That would be a fascinating new page in the book...

Benedictine
Benedictine

Anybody remember when friends (?) were advising Donny Osmond, "Get Busted, man." This is an old idea, but Justin doesn't know that we know that, does he?

Joe Phillips
Joe Phillips

Who cares? He is a studio produced wanker!

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