The Very Intentional Self-Destruction of Justin Bieber

Categories: Justin Bieber

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Unlike many a male performer before him who created an epic legacy through their unique musical talents and tragic deaths (SHOUT OUT to Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Bob Marley, Freddie Mercury, Kurt Cobain, Tupac Shakur, and Hugo Chavez!), Justin Bieber has chosen a different path towards earning respect: purposefully engaging in destructive behavior in an effort to ditch his tween fan base and reconstruct himself as a tragically flawed, artistically deep man worth listening to. Don't believe it? Let us be your boyfriend break it down.

See also: No One Trusts the Tastes of Teenage Girls, But Should: Why Justin Bieber Is the Next Beatles

Justin + Sex Symbol = Sex Appeal

Before 2013 even began, Justin Bieber made purposeful strides towards becoming a man. He did this by doing what all men dream of - making unwarranted sexual advances on Victoria Secret Angels. Rawr! But unlike other men, Justin's reasons for publicly flaunting his interest in 19-year-old model Barbara Palvin by Instagraming photographs with her and escorting her to a Broadway show and visiting her in Miami was not for sexual intercourse (probs tho). The real reason he engaged in this questionable behavior while "on break" from his long-term relationship with Disney Princess Selena Gomez was to establish himself as a sexually active, attractive, and available grownup. The subsequent (and equally public) feud with the princess only amplified this, and once they were officially done-zo, Justin had successfully completed his first thesis: "I am a man and I am ready for women!"

Justin + Lil Twist = Street Credit (and Street Accidents)

But establishing himself as a man for 2013 didn't translate to establishing himself as an adult artist. In order to start that process, some street cred would be necessary. And in order for some street cred, some vehicular-destruction would also be necessary. Enter Lil Twist! Justin Bieber made sure that everybody knew his new best friend was Lil Twist, a young rapper from Dallas signed to Young Money Entertainment. To prove their best-friend-ship, Justin Bieber did what most people with friends with names like Lil Twist would never do - loan his $100,000+ car to him! (Side Note: Is it even a car anymore once it costs that much money? And the actual name of this "car" is the Fisker Karma. I've never seen those two words together and it sounds more like the name of a cat Kama Sutra book then a vehicle, but I digress).

The first time the Biebs lent his car to Lil Twist inadvertently resulted in the death of paparazzi photographer Chris Guerra on January 1st. Happy New Year! The second time he lent his car to Lil Twist resulted in a March 5th hit-and-run with Chris Brown allegedly in the passenger seat. Ooops! Now Justin only lets Lil Twist drive his less-expensive Range Rover. But that's okay, because his second thesis towards gaining artistic credibility was complete: "I'm not some white pop star punk -- I like black people and I let them crash my cars!"

See also: SNL Sound-Off: Justin Bieber



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