The Most Overused Terms In SXSW Band Bios

Categories: SXSW

epicbro.JPG
A Vampire Weekend fan prepares to scale a fence during "Horchata" and rage.
By Craig Hlavaty

Before I take any trip to Austin and SXSW, I always take more than a few days to peruse the schedule and check out a few of the hundreds of names on the roster and read their bios.

Some years there are more bands with "wolf" and "space" in their monikers than usual, and some years there are random exclamation points! that seem to make! no sense other than to annoy! copy editors who are already sick of reading about SXSW.

RIP Steaming Wolf Penis. I hardly knew ye.

See also: Why We'll All Try to See Justin Timberlake at SXSW, and Why That's Completely Wrong

Anyhow, the worst offenders this year seem to be the people behind the SXSW band bios. Some missives are straightforward histories of these up-and-comers journeying to Austin to seek music-blog fame and licensing fortune, while others are meandering pieces of hilarity that seem to use descriptive terms pulled out of a fedora.

Speaking of fedoras, way too many bands this year have members sporting them in promo shots. You think you look like the Specials' Terry Hall, but all I see is shame. You ain't Tom Waits, guy in Americana-ska band from Minnesota.

The worst one this year was San Francisco act The Soft Moon's wondrous, blowhard 466-word ode to "darkness, claustrophobia and dread" about a project that "was never intended for the public's ears," yet somehow miraculously broke out of music jail and made its way to us anyway. Thank heavens.

The thing is, I like The Soft Moon. I like "vintage darkwave," and I sure as hell enjoy "snapping drums and flange-warped tones," but could do without "a loner's cry buried in soil and metal shavings."

Anyhow, here are some of the most overused words and terms in SXSW's 2013 artist bios. I'm sure I'm missing a few, but you get the idea.

See also: The Worst Moments From SXSW 2012

"Raucousness"
Just say you like cocaine. It's 2013, it's okay. You can just say it is an act.


"Nasty"
You probably aren't "nasty"; you just got into Iggy & the Stooges two summers ago when the last emo guy in your band quit and you could finally write that song about convertibles you had always wanted to.


"Untamed"
Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus are "untamed," so it's not that cool anymore to say you are, too.


"Swathed"
Ohhhhhh, someone is a reader!!!


"Masculine"
Just say that you play directly from the bottom of your nut sack. Don't be PC.



Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
2 comments
Ryan MacBride
Ryan MacBride

"Unless you are referring to my favorite experimental drone metal band Earth, using the term "earthy" just means you don't want to say "hippie shit."" Amen to that. Good stuff. Earth is the best.

Ryan MacBride
Ryan MacBride

Kind of seems beat at this point with all the Hollywood and Silicon Valley Vampires bum rushing it to death. It's primarily a music gathering if I'm not mistaken.

Now Trending

New York Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...