The Month in Press Release Idiocy

Elsewhere in press release hell:

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  • Smoldering actor/R&B sexguy Tyrese Gibson has become a bonafide triple threat: he's now the director of, in the actual words of the press release, "one of the most universally acclaimed documentaries to come from an artist in decades." In case you missed it at Cannes, A Black Rose That Grew Through Concrete is a 45-minute commercial for Tyrese, made by Tyrese as a beautiful gift for all those who love Tyrese as much as Tyrese loves Tyrese.

    Tyrese starts the film with a few minutes about his tough upbringing in Watts, but it doesn't stick to the depressing stuff too long -- it's mostly about how "blessed" he is, which is a special word for when super humble people talk about how rich and famous they are. Or, as the press release puts it, "The Tyrese Gibson journey continues with a level of truth and dexterity unlike any other talent in modern day entertainment."

    Judging by the 8 comments on the video, the acclaim is pretty universal indeed. Everyone loved it, except one person who wanted more gritty upbringing stuff, and another guy who couldn't get Flash to work.

  • Congratulations to singer/actor/TV presenter Carlos Ponce for winning the Hispanicize 2013 Latinovator award, which carries the noble distinction of being the worst name for a thing since the Logo Network's NewNowNext "Always Next, Forever Now" award.
  • SiriusXM's Alt Nation is giving listeners the chance to play ping-pong with Muse! Because, hey, fuck it, whatever! "We know the guys are avid fans of ping pong, and we know Alt Nation listeners are massive fans of Muse, this makes perfect sense," said a SiriusXM exec, painfully straining the definitional boundaries of "perfect sense." You can get in on the "Madness" (ho ho!) by following something on Twitter and tweeting some kind of hashtag, of course.

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  • Taylor Swift has signed on for a "footwear collaboration" with, I must admit, a brand that sums up the Taylor Swift aesthetic better than any other: Keds. Obligatory coerced promo quote from Swift herself: "The sneakers are really fun and easy to wear, and the designs reflect some of my favorite things." I can totally see her rockin' these rad kicks on the cover of Real Simple. Taylor Swift is human Keds.

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6 comments
djcozmik
djcozmik

@Arr by “45-minute ad for himself” do you mean there’s a new billy corgan solo album?

quickfameontv
quickfameontv

Wow, pretty bad.  The "spray and pray" crowd just pumps these kinds of press releases to anyone unfortunate enough to read it.  The sad thing is that if they just took the same amount of time and used it to send a targeted message that made sense, they would be way ahead.  OK, thanks, Edward Smith. 

brendlewhat
brendlewhat

@Arr i read this and then closed the tab just as billy corgan's bejowled, dead-eyed face popped into the corner. haunting.

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