The 10 Best Bars in Park Slope Not Yet Ruined by Babies
The weather is warming up nicely and it's time to stop drinking at home and get to the bar. But lately, many doorways of our favorite watering holes have been blocked. Not by passed out winos or vomit but by, of all things, baby strollers.
Jackie's 5th Amendment
Bucking the boozy agreement to leave young-ins at home, many Park Slope families have decided it's okay for little Timmy to tag along to the neighborhood bar while mom and dad get their swerve on. The Slope baby boom and ensuing barroom infestation has reached a point that many establishments now post signs to inform patrons they no longer allow crib lizards after certain hours.
And remember, parents: Chuck E. Cheese serves alcohol. A list like this doesn't need to exist. But because it does...
See also: What Makes NYC Metal?
Jackie's 5th Amendment
404 5th Ave, 718.788.9123
We'll start with the venerable Jackie's 5th Amendment because, at 8AM, it's the only bar that opens early enough for you to duck in for a quick one on your way to work. Bring your kids here if they happen to love octogenarians on oxygen tanks and listening to Bob Seger on repeat.
The frill-less watering hole features wood paneled walls from a bygone era of Brooklyn that little of Park Slope seems to resemble these days. Even the bar's namesake is an allusion to its alleged former association to certain groups that were both organized and illegal. An assortment of metal stools hug the bar with generally kind, salt of the earth regulars that are more than happy to grumble with you about the state of the economy and how things used to be while nipping on cold-as-ice pony bottles of Budweiser.
440 5th Avenue, 718-788-5218
Just down 5th Avenue from Jackie's, Smith's Tavern has been pouring cold domestic mugs of beers since well before your grandfather shipped off to Europe to kill Nazis. They've spruced the place up a bit since then with an internet jukebox and even scrubbed the tobacco stains off the walls. The faux stone arches they added feel like they were brought in from a suburban Italian chain restaurant. But the place more than makes up for it with their solid, no bullshit bartenders who probably won't bother you unless you want to talk about the Mets or Yankees game on the plasma screens. The patrons are still the same cast of retirees and younger blue collar folks looking for a game of darts and definitely not $15 cocktails. Be careful though, they're definitely still looking out for Nazis.
Lucky 13 Saloon
273 13th St, 718-499-7553
You think Saint Vitus is metal? In a neighborhood inundated with organic cocktails, where discussing the kale you picked up from the Prospect Park farmers market gets many a local all atwitter, Lucky 13 is the stuff nightmares are made of. If someone has a child here, it's probably because they stole it.
C-rate horror movies play while an epicurean selection of metal new and old is blasted. Drinks are cheap and it wouldn't be unlikely for a Mohawk-sporting bartender with nothing more than electric tape over her nipples to serve them to you. Did we forget to mention the
strippers go-go dancers that actually shimmy and shake on the bar top itself on the weekends?