I'm a Pastor Who Cheated, and My Wife Will Kill Me. Help!
Dear Willie D,
I am a pastor who just returned from a spiritual retreat with my church and found myself in bed with a married member of my congregation. The whole time we were making love, I kept thinking about Deuteronomy 22:22 in the Bible where it states, "If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die."
I have asked for forgiveness, and since my God is a forgiving God, I am certain he will spare my life. However, I am not so sure my church member's husband is a forgiving husband, and I know my wife won't be forgiving. My wife is a very jealous and vengeful woman. If she found out about my infidelity, she would kill the woman and me or at the least try to assassinate my character and have me forced out of the church.
The incident took place two days ago and the crazy woman has already sent me over 50 text messages talking about how good it was and how she misses me. She even had the gull to get defensive when she called and I told her I could not talk because I was with my wife. I hope my premonition is inaccurate but I have a feeling this thing will implode at any moment. Accordingly, I am paranoid.
People usually come to me for advice but I am stomped as to what to do in this case. If you were in my shoes how would you handle it?
Dear Paranoid Pastor,
Your biggest problem is not what you did but who you are. I'm not saying it's right but people cheat all the time, forgive one another and move on. In your case, because you are a man of the cloth and your profession is rooted in preaching the importance of values and morals, you're held at a higher standard. Accordingly, you are expected to have zero tolerance for temptation.
The way I see it, you have two viable options. You could take the player option, whereby you would go to the woman and say, "Look, although I enjoyed what happened between us, in the eyes of God, it was a mistake. You're a wonderful woman but so is my wife. She doesn't deserve this and neither does your husband. The text messages and calls have to stop. I'm sorry and I hope we can continue to share the same church home." Reference God, sin and obedience whenever possible.
If she doesn't respond favorably, you may have to put your big-boy pants on and switch to option two, which would require you to man up and confess to your wife. Lay out all the details, throw up a Hail Mary and hope like hell she forgives you. This is risky, but not as risky as allowing crazy woman to tell her side of the story first or you lying about it because chances are she has evidence of the affair stored somewhere.
Now touch your neighbor and say, "It ain't worth it! I keep looking over my shoulder and peeping 'round corners - Hallelujah!"
Dear Willie D,
I want to have a baby from my guy but he says he's not ready. He is a successful entertainer who I'm sure you know. I know he likes me, but I'm not sure if he loves me. He says he does but I don't know. I know that I love him and we have great chemistry. He does have a child with another woman but they are no longer together.
I told him that I was on the pill. At the time, technically I was, but that was six weeks ago. Since then, we have had unprotected sex several times and now I'm pregnant. I know it's wrong to deceive him but I have decided that I want his child. I know he will be upset with me but in my heart I believe once the baby comes and it sinks in that he's the father, he will get over it and we will be one big happy family. If not, I'll just collect child support and raise my baby alone.
If a woman did you like that would you be capable of forgiving her and if so what would she have to do to win you over?
Pregnant and Confused
Dear Pregnant and Confused,
Why would you purposely lay up and have a baby from a man whom you're not sure loves you? Why would you want his blood running through your child's veins? Don't answer that, it's rhetorical. Anything is possible, but the way I'm built, if a woman did me like that I would be done with her.
I'm guessing he told you that he wasn't ready for a baby with you for a good reason. Maybe he has plans on being super busy with his career over the next few years and he don't think he has enough time to give a new baby the attention it deserves. Then again, it could be he didn't want to get you pregnant because he didn't want the financial risks involved with having you as a baby mama.
In that case he would be dead-on, because judging by your readiness to collect child support, it appears you're more interested in his money than his honey. Sad, but that's the world we live in. Enjoy your money. That's if you can collect.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com!