The Funniest Fake Entries in Kid Rock's Bartender Contest

Categories: Kid Rock

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Last week, I wrote of my intent to win Jim Beam's Mix for Kid Rock contest, which will let one lucky winner follow the miscellaneous-genre legend to three stops on his "Best Night Ever" tour, filling him to the scruffy gills with Jim Beam cocktails each time.

Since I couldn't figure out a way to rig the voting in my favor, I came up with a subtler way to cheat: I'd encourage readers to submit lots of terrible entries in order to make me look like the only sane person in the running.

See also: I Swear, I WILL Become Kid Rock's Personal Bartender

I posted this phony entry as an example to get the ball rolling:

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Soon, dozens and dozens of idiot friends and funny strangers answered the call on Twitter, and the contest was flooded with insanity. I've compiled a few of the funniest entries-- in fact, I'm a little worried that one of these fake ones might actually win.

(Please excuse the variations in quality and formatting; computers are hard.)

"Disco" Dean (@roljui) has the mixology know-how to give Kid exactly what he needs. Honestly, Kid would be a fool to pass this guy up.

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But this thing is about more than just drinks-- and it looks like my old pal @frknbns has the superior Kid Rock lyrical knowledge to pull it off:

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Noted hilarious person Stephanie "@donglord69" Zipnick headed straight for Kid's heart with this irresistibly slithery entry:

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Comedian, media personality and constant cyberbullying-by-me victim Jake Fogelnest failed to embrace the spirit of the contest. Better luck next time, Jake.

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This @oatgan fellow was similarly unimpressed with the terms provided:

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Writer Dan McQuade seems to be really into the contest, but I'm not entirely sure he knows who Kid Rock is:

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On the other hand, @ZSGhost seems to have this thing locked down. When he wins, I hope he'll let me come along for the ride.

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