The Athlete Rap Albums We Should've Gotten in the '90s

Categories: 2013

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Deion Sanders, "Must Be the Money"
There was a time in the mid '90s where the idea of an athlete releasing a hip-hop album was a radically new concept. It seems almost quaint now; athletes are still putting out rap music today and athletes will be putting out rap music for the foreseeable future, that's just how branding works. But there was something pure about the old days, it was a little less obvious, there was something that made you actually believe that perhaps Jason Kidd making a song called "What The Kidd Did" might actually produce a viable alternative legacy.

That in mind, I decided to recruit my idiot brother Mitchell to imagine some athlete-rap albums that never existed from our beloved sports heroes that, for mostly better and slightly worse, avoided the trend. We took to Photoshop, designed some album art, dreamed up a tracklisting and gave each album a hypothetical The Source rating and review. Please join us on a journey into your dreams.

See also: The 10 Best Male Rappers Of All Time

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Tim Duncan - America Runs On Duncan: Part 2

Track Listing

1 - Come to Daddy (Intro)

2 - Bankshot (Beg For Mercy)

3 - Still Can't Get Laid

4 - Black and Silver (feat. Linkin Park)

5 - Holland, 1945

6 - 6"11 of Sadness

7 - Why Does Everything I Touch Burn

8 - They All Had it Coming

9 - The Reckoning (Joey Crawford Diss)

10 - America Runs On Duncan Remix (feat. Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, David Robinson) (Bonus Track)

Hypothetical The Source Rating - 2.5 Mics

Not sure what to make of this. Aphex Twin's aggressive production certainly is a departure, but what's the point of the 30 minutes of static at the end of the record? And Tim, the more you write about the illuminati the lamer it sounds.

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Randy "The Johnson" Johnson - No New Friends

Track Listing

1 - Down and Away (feat. Pedro Martinez)

2 - M.P.H. (Yeah You Know Me)

3 - Randy Johnson is Rapping On An Album

4 - I Like It When You Call Me Big Unit (feat. Notorious B.I.G.)

5 - Brontosaurus Chain

6 - I'm One Weird Looking Motherfucker

7 - K/BB (The Motto)

8 - Let Me Love You (feat. Flo Rida)

9 - In Walnut Creek (feat. Joanna Newsom)

10 - First Pitcher in Space

11 - There Will Never Be Another Randy Johnson Rap Album

Hypothetical The Source Review - 3 Mics

Surprisingly good flow here, Johnson displays a genuine appreciation of hip-hop throughout; the Black Moon reference on "Brontosaurus Chain" is especially surprising. Unfortunately weighed down by too many R&B numbers, and maybe one too many lame punchlines ("Got your girl for a minute then I let her go/ Like that one time I played for the Houston Astros," ugh.)

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Ichiro Suzuki - Take Care

Track Listing

1 - Over My Dead Ichiro

2 - Shot For Ichiro

3 - Headlines (About Ichiro)

4 - Ichiro Love

5 - Take Ichiro

6 - Ichiro's Room

7 - Buried Alive (Ichiro)

8 - Under Ground Ichiro

9 - We'll Be Ichiro

10 - Make Ichiro Proud

11 - Ichiro Knows

12 - Ichiro / Good Ones Go Ichiro

13 - Doing Ichiro Wrong

14 - The Real Ichiro

15 - Look What Ichiro Done

16 - HYFR (Ichiro)

17 - Ichiro

18 - The Ride (feat. Ichiro)

Hypothetical The Source Rating - 1 Mic

You know, for a second this album actually tricked me into thinking it was a classic. That was a close one.

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