Azealia Banks vs. Lily Allen: Who Would Win?
Ever the classy lady, Azealia Banks is Twitter feuding once again! This time, the target of her ire is British powerhouse Lily Allen. Their e-quarrel officially kicked off after Azealia said Allen's husband looks like a thumb and her children are ugly. Well alright then! Since this battle has been going on for a couple of days now, we decided--in order to put this publicity stunt to an end peacefully--to declare a winner and speculate about which artist would win if the two actually squared off in the physical realm. This declaration and speculation will force all parties involved to move the fuck on. Ready, set, rawr!
See also: Angel Haze vs. Azealia Banks: Who Won?
Physical Strength: LILY ALLEN
Azealia may have a pretty wicked physique from all of the swimming she does in her alter-mermaid life, but Lily Allen is a pro-wrestler (AKA mother of two small children) and could probably capture the slight-framed Azealia in a choke-hold fairly easily.
ROUND 1 SCORE: Azealia: 0, Lily: 1
Written Abuse Background: AZEALIA BANKS
Although Lily has penned many an abusive song about ex-lovers and foes, Azealia is the reigning champion (at least in terms of fights initiated and survived) of Twitter chat warfare.
ROUND 2 SCORE: Azealia: 1, Lily: 1
Verbal Abuse Background: AZEALIA BANKS
Her verbal abuse skills are on par with her written--Aealia's not afraid to plunge her hand deep into the chest of any peer, critic, or unicorn and tear their heart out with the game she spits.
ROUND 3 SCORE: Azealia: 2, Lily: 1
Best Accent: LILY ALLEN
This isn't purely Azealia's fault--our one weakness as a country is a British accent.
ROUND 4 SCORE: Azealia: 2, Lily: 2
Best Hometown: AZEALIA BANKS
England may have given her the doper accent, but we're natural Homers. The 212 always wins.
ROUND 5 SCORE: Azealia: 3, Lily: 2
Entourage Size: LILY ALLEN
Azealia may have a hardcore fanbase and hail from New York City, but nothing rivals the strength of bloodlines and the family that Lily has to back her up. Her fam bam is definitely a formidable entourage to go into in battle with.
ROUND 6 SCORE: Azealia: 3, Lily: 3
Twitter Posse Size: LILY ALLEN
Unless Azealia is planning on commanding a (successful) Spartan expedition, her Twitter clique of 355,000 stands no chance against Lily's army of 4.2 million.
ROUND 7 SCORE: Azealia: 3, Lily: 4