"Stoner Bowls" and Burritos: The Enticing Food Finds at the Gathering of the Juggalos

Drew Ailes
Wondering what's in a "stoner bowl"? Keep reading.
One of the true hardships that we face as a nation is the omnipresent problem of being surrounded by booze and stimulating foods. In the comforts of your own home, you may be able to curb your pizza roll addiction into having just a civilized cup of tomato soup. At the Gathering of the Juggalos, you face a different world. Out here, it's harder than ever to think of your overall health as it becomes more about shoving as much crap into your body before a spray-painted golf cart driven by a man wearing nothing but overalls crashes into you.

See also: Death at the Gathering of the Juggalos: Men in Tent Unknowingly Slept Next to Corpse

Drew Ailes
i started with the pizza, which was not very good and was served in a disappointing, meager portion. The crust was bland but the sauce had a satisfying acidic taste. I did not get a picture of the slice I threw up, but this pizza in a urinal conveys the right feeling, I guess.

Drew Ailes
Chicken on a stick!

Better food was found the next morning: ribs, fried chicken on a stick, and pork chops. We saw pancakes cooked with Faygo. Daniel mowed down a turkey leg the way we all do--with enthusiasm before remembering those creepy stringy bones in the middle. I stood looking on, dipping my fried chicken in a mixture of tater tots and gravy that I had engineered like a fat idiot. Later, we tried to strike up a political debate with the counter person at an Anarchist Pretzel/Snow Cone spot before everyone involved decided they were bored.

Drew Ailes
Anarchist pretzels.

We capped off another evening of slamming warm beers and eating weak Jello shots with two helpings of Stoner Bowls. Served in a foam bowl, it was a bunch of french fries, peppers, onions, philly steak meat and cheese on top. Hardly brilliant, it was probably the tastiest thing we ate from the stands. The "Walking Taco" came in second, which is just a bag of Fritos filled a bunch of warm god-knows-what.

Drew Ailes
The stoner bowl.

Drew Ailes
The "walking taco."

See also: Overheard at the Gathering of the Juggalos

Off the main drag, Juggalos also cooked up burgers and hot dogs on tiny grills, staring at us with incredible apathy when asked if we could take a picture of their home cooked cuisine. "They're just burgers, dawg," remarked a sunburnt kid wearing a matchy-matchy black and red t-shirt with black and red shorts. Another attendee cooked hot dogs, pork chops, and creamed corn in his tent.

On the third day of Juggalo Christmas, we heard the legend of the Burrito Man, a creature hidden somewhere on the campgrounds that made the finest burritos known to man, according to Juggalo legend. I began to ask around.

"I've been coming here for 12 years and I've never heard of that guy."

"I've heard of him. I've never seen him though. I think he's, like, a unicorn or some shit."

"I dunno, but they got burritos over at the turkey leg stand."

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