With Black Panties R. Kelly's on Some Da Vinci Code/Beautiful Mind Type Shit

Categories: 2013, R. Kelly

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R. Kelly
In spite of the massive contributions he has made to video art, children's entertainment, and inventing the modern remix, "R. Kelly" is still a soiled name. Ever since his erratic behavior and outsized personality pushed his raw talent to the side, he has been regarded by many as more of a caricature than a performer; the joke and not the punchline. (Even Macklemore's made fun of him. MACK.LE.MORE.) But his newest album, Black Panties (set for a November 11 release), promises to change that.

The album's title is confusing initially--why would R. Kelly name his latest album something that risks immediately reminding the public of seemingly infinite sexual appetite?

But, when properly researched, it quickly becomes clear that Black Panties is actually an acrostic of R. Kelly's most important statements during the crucial years he spent in the lime-light-and-darkness of American culture. It is a pairing of words representative of the evolution of R. Kelly as a man and a musician--as explained by R. Kelly the man and the musician. With such a delicately constructed album title, there is no reason to believe the music it contains will be anything other than well-calculated splendor. Black Panties is R. Kelly on some Da Vinci Code shit. And, good news, we cracked it.

See also: R. Kelly Got Jokes: The Many Sides of R&B's Pied Piper

But I'm not a guy that would do what people are saying. There are a lot of people out there saying that R. Kelly is a monster, and I just think there are a lot of people out there that are misinformed about who I am." - R. Kelly on issues of identity, 2002
Love has never failed. It has won every battle. And today and forever more it will go on undefeated. I'm also a very loving person." - R. Kelly on the emotional spectrum, 2011
All of a sudden, you're, like, the Bin Laden of America. Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I'm going through." - R. Kelly on unfair persecution, 2003
Checks under the bed. Then under the dresser. He looks at the closet. I pull out my Beretta. He walks up to the closet. He comes up to the closet. Now he's at the closet. Now he's opening the closet..." - R. Kelly on strategic planning, 2008
King of R&B (always remember that I am)" - R. Kelly on confidence boosting, 2009


People that love God. That's me. People that love sex. That's me. People that love people. That's me. And people that make mistakes. That's me also." - R. Kelly on personal inclinations, 2004
And Pac went around saying, 'Kells is the most serious R&B thug out there.'" - R. Kelly on moral support, 2012
Not only did I get an A in music but I got an A in ladies." - R. Kelly on developing skill sets, 2004
This gift I have is a beautiful disease and I glad I got it." - R. Kelly on health care, 2013
I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realise that now." - R. Kelly on historical significance, 2007
Everybody wants a piece of you, and if you don't give 'em a piece they'll find a way to get a piece of you one way or the other (when you're me, R. Kelly). I've been blackmailed a billion times in my career -- before the trial, during the trial, after the trial -- I've been sued for stuff that ... ridiculous things, you know." - R. Kelly on human nature, 2008
Sex, money, broke, women, clubs, and even church." - R. Kelly on priority management, 2013

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