Can You Spot the Fake CMJ Panels?

Categories: CMJ

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There's a lot to be learned at the many CMJ 2013 panels. "How to Survive as a Musician in 2013," for instance, will teach you everything there is to know about surviving as a musician in the year 2013, all of which can be learned in around an hour. Similarly, the panel discussion called "Jam Packed: The Explosion of Music Festivals" is guaranteed* to make you an expert** about the explosion of music festivals next time that particular topic is brought up in casual conversation***. (* not really guaranteed; ** "expert" used loosely; *** almost never). But, like any speaker program with lots of holes to fill, some of the panels seem to be reaching a bit--like a few haphazard ideas were tossed out over lunch and a couple of people decided "It'll do. Put it on the schedule." Is "It's going to be a lot harder for you than it was for me, kid" a real CMJ 2013? No. We made that one up. But it is the overarching theme to most panels. We've made up a few more panels below, and mixed them in with some honest to goodness real ones. Can you spot the fakes?

Full list of conference panels here.

See also: What I Learned At the CMJ Panels: Not Much

Twerked Out: Digital Age Minstrels
Tuesday October 15th, 3:30 PM- 4:30 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 802 Shorin, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
As hip-hop continues its hold on the youth, white artists are becoming increasingly comfortable co-opting elements of African-American culture. This lively discussion around race and music in America will shed light on the roadblocks for artists walking the cultural tightrope amid accusations of negative stereotyping and questionable authenticity.

Serenity Now: Rock and Roll Your Soul Yoga
Tuesday October 15th, 3:00 PM- 4:00 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 405/406, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
Led by a top instructor Megan M. Seaman, these zen-inducing yoga classes will lead you to that happy place, setting you up right for another day of panel insights and music mayhem.

The Death of A&R
Wednesday October 16th, 11:00 AM-12:00 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. 10th FL Rosenthal, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
The death of proper A&R and the reduction of artist development and marketing at major labels has left a huge vacuum of talent for independent labels, both larger and micro, to take advantage of. At every point along the emerging music foodchain artists, managers and non-traditional sources such as consumer sponsors are developing talent outside the system. How have major labels redefined their roles and are there really any benefits anymore for an artist to sign to a major?

Dirty Laundry: The Ins and Outs of Independent Touring
Wednesday October 16th, 12:30 PM- 1:30 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 905/907, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
A focused look at real world examples and practical solutions for the burgeoning musician/band on the road.

Vinyl Now
Wednesday October 16th, 2:00 PM- 3:00 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 405, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
Vinyl lovers the world over are thrilled with the resurgence of the format in all its glorious incarnations. Join 7-inch archaeologists, labels, and other round vinyl junkies to discuss the current state of vinyl and how the the format can continue to grow.

See also: How to Write a "Vinyl is Back!" Story

B(r)and Management
Wednesday October 16th, 2:00 PM- 3:00 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. 10th FL Rosenthal, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
Whether managing social media, creating licensing and branding opportunities, or securing unorthodox distribution and business models, managers are now band--and brand-- managers responsible for more facets of artists' careers than ever before.

Talking Taiwan: Asia's Growing Marketplace
Wednesday October 16th, 3:30 PM- 4:30 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 405, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
We'll take a close look at the interactions and differences of the music scenes and industries in Taiwan and the US, and the implications for American artists wishing to enter Asia's growing music market. Musicians and executives share their first-hand experiences on both sides of the Pacific as well as on collaborative projects that can help American musicians enter the Taiwanese and broader Asian markets.

2003: A Hipster Flashback
Wednesday October 16th, 2:00 PM- 3:00 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 406, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
It's been a decade since The Hipster Handbook was published. In the early 2000s, there was nothing most teens wanted more than to be a hipster who was 5-10 years older and living in New York City. Eventually they became hipsters 5-10 years older living in New York City, but by then it was the mid- late 2000s. We'll bring together the people who were there in 2003 to analyze things like Manhattan hipsters vs. Williamsburg hipsters, Misshapes, Sparks, the evolution of men's jeans, drugs, and Electroclash.

Brand You: Maximizing Corporate Partnerships
Thursday October 17th, 11:00 AM-12:00 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 802 Shorin, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
Learn how to maximize your relationship to further your career while never feeling like you're compromising artistic integrity.

The Rise of Urban Alternative
Thursday October 17th, 12:30 PM- 1:30 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 406, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
The breakout success of artists like Frank Ocean, Weeknd, Miguel, and Elle Varner are proof positive that there is room for an expansion of the contemporary R&B, Rap, and Gospel categories most African American artists have traditionally been shoehorned into. We'll discuss what the success of these artists signifies, and how they're redefining the urban music landscape.

The Struggle for Metal's Soul
Friday October 18th, 12:30 PM- 1:30 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 905/907, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
Are we on the verge of another Metal explosion? There are some in the hard rock community who feel that the music has traded in its soul in lieu of technical virtuosity. This panel is an open dialogue among artists, labels, and fans about where the future of metal is heading and if the current resurgence will be lasting or a flash in the pan.

The Lost Art of Mastering
Friday October 18th, 12:30 PM- 1:30 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 802 Shorin, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
The final stage of recording, mastering is becoming a forgotten art. Find out why this stage is so important and what to look for in this phase of the recording process. Understand the crucial relationship between mastering, producing, and mixing.

Game On: Composing for Video Games
Friday October 18th, 3:30 PM- 4:30 PM
NYU Kimmel Ctr. Room 905/907, 60 Washington Square South New York, NY 10012
Everyone from Paul McCartney to Trent Reznor is getting in on writing music for video games. But writer beware: the video game industry is not the music business, and the world of software development has its own rules. Learn the ins and outs of what it's like to work as a composer in the world of gaming from some of the top composers and sound designers in the industry.

Answer key on next page.



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