Why Kanye's Tour Is Really Being Postponed

YEEZUStour.jpg
It's been almost two week since the truck carrying Kanye West's specialized tour equipment was in a mysterious accident, resulting in the postponement of many of the shows on the YEEZUS tour. There is still no new information regarding the nature of the crash or the people involved, and the investigation may stop altogether now that the equipment has been repaired and things are supposed to kick back off again. Hopefully, it'll land at Brooklyn's Barclays Center on the 18th and 19th as planned [knock on magnum of Cristal]. But luckily for you (and the authorities, if this happens again), we're here to speculate on who the most likely culprits of a YEEZUS-tour-sabotage are.

See also: Big Sean's Verse on "All Me" Is Verse of The Year

KIM KARDASHIAN

Let's knock out the obvious ones first. Kim Kardashian cannot be out of reach from Kanye West's hand until she has made her own hand an official Mensa-qualified multi-millionaire wife! She needs to keep Kanye from talking to his lawyers about the whole "let's not do a pre-nup with Kim K" situation, and what better way to keep him at home than to literally keep him off the road?

BABY NORTH WEST

Speaking of people who want to keep Kanye at home, North West is also a potential perpetrator. Kanye recently called his daughter a baby genius. She could totally pull off this sort of damage at five-months old. I believe it, because it would be cruel of God to make that child anything short of someone who could successfully emancipate herself in the court of law within 10 years. In the meantime, though, she wants to spend time away from the Jenner's and be raised by some semblance of a family. In this situation, Kanye West is that semblance.

JAMIE FOXX

Aaand speaking of fake families, Jamie Foxx needs to remind Kanye of the song they made together soon if he ever, ever, ever wants to perform in a somewhat non-ironic reunion tour in the future.

CHUCK D FROM PUBLIC ENEMY

Earlier this year Chuck D from Public Enemy got pissed at Jay-Z and Kanye for saying the "n-word" too much...SO IMAGINE HOW HE FELT AFTER LISTENING TO MAGNA CARTA AND YEEZUS THIS SUMMER. He could absolutely not let this tour happen.

KANYE WEST

Because on second thought, a giant TV screen and rock-climbing wall suddenly didn't seem as revolutionary as a "FIRST SOLO TOUR IN FIVE YEARS!" demanded it be.

EMINEM

Eminem has made it clear that Kendrick Lamar is his friend now, and they are bringing "it" back to "the game." Eminem has also made it clear with Marshall Mathers LP 2 (and everything else he has ever done) that he is not a proponent of healthy relationships. The fact that Kendrick Lamar is touring with Kanye West makes Kanye West a threat. And when Eminem is exposed to a threat (or anything), Eminem shows how much of a BAD GUY he can be...this time, by possibly smashing Kanye's set and stealing more cuddle time with K. Dot.

Location Info

Map

Barclays Center

620 Atlantic Ave., Brooklyn, NY

Category: General


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10 comments
Chingy
Chingy

This article was a waste of time. 

Luis Orozco
Luis Orozco

Bigger dumbass than Miley. Stick him up his wifes gigantic ass.

Dina Zavor
Dina Zavor

why do we even talk about kim's man?

taylor7147
taylor7147

according to a source on the tour, the reason for the delays are because it takes so long for the tear down of the stage they aren't able to make it to the next show in time.

Anna Lieder
Anna Lieder

Here I thought you were going to put logical reasons, like tour sales sucked and his ego can't perform at half-full shows. He outright cancelled tickets I had to see him and wouldn't be surprised if others follow. But yea I'm sure Ray J is to blame :/

asdfggg
asdfggg

@Anna Lieder except all of his shows have been sold out or at least 90% sold out so far. He cancelled because his screen got destroyed. 

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