One Direction's "Story Of My Life": Why This Song Sucks

Categories: Serrano Time

Zayn and the crew
[Editor's Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning writer and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.]

Song: One Direction's "Story Of My Life"

History: A long time ago there were barber shop quartets and then after that the New Kids On The Block, and more recently five UK dudes were like, "We're One Direction" and they were a hit.

Atmospherics: Like the boys are suddenly really into Mumford & Sons. Or like they're starting their own nondenominational church.

See also: One Direction - Izod Center - 7/2/13

Analysis: Let's ignore three things here. Let's ignore:

1. That One Direction has officially entered the stage of their career where they begin to try to leap from Boy Band to Credible Rock Musicians. That's what's going on here. But let's ignore that.

2. That nobody in One Direction can really sing or dance, which should've been more of a problem so far considering THEY ARE A BOY BAND AND BOY BANDS USUALLY SING AND DANCE.

3. Zayn is uncomfortably handsome. Let's ignore that too.

That leaves us with only the bones of the track. Did you know that eight people wrote this song? EIGHT. The Declaration of Independence is the greatest document of all time. Do you know how many people it took to write it? One, bro: Patrick fucking Swayze. First he won that dance contest, then he fixed up the Double Deuce, then he possessed Whoopi Goldberg and made her make out with Demi Moore, and then he wrote the Declaration of Independence. That's a little thing called a history lesson, homie.


Lines from the song:

My Voice Nation Help

i gurantee every female here that defended 1d is under 16. i am laughing so hard at the butthurt. You guys don't even know music. it's a fact 1D has ripped off other bands. haha


Uhm... Louis is 22 Zayn is 21 Liam is 20 Niall is 20 and Harry is 20... You said none of them were older than 21+ ???



some people tries to be funny, but they just can't...

now if anybody can log into internet and write lame articles just to try to pretend they're comedy genius then i can write about why THIS article sucks and no i won't try to be funny

and also not 8 people wrote it, it was niall, liam, louis, zayn and harry. the five of them only and it's not our fault if you're not deep enough to understand the song they're not your teachers to explain every word to you

they can't sing?! L O L what a shame that you have no musical ear, and it's really sad how you didn't understand the meanings of the lyrics, and all you thought about is sex. if you're looking for sex then go to some trashy club where you belong! OH! and you can have sex and earn money at the same time because you are a bitch and that's what bitches do :)

*friendly reminder:

zayn had broke the record for the highest and best live highnote for 2013.


First of all, One Direction CAN sing. They were put together by Simon Cowell, who is pretty respected by his work.

Second of all, I understand that they can't dance but they specifically say that they want to be as far as possible from the real Boy Band image. 

Third of all,  the song is written by 8 person, including the five boys. They obviously don't have a lot of experience in writing. Let's not forget that they started their career only three years ago.

I understand you didn't liked their song and I completely understand that but please respect others opinion. 


This article is the saddest thing I've ever seen. I mean seriously she practically made up stuff. LOL I MEAN come on ! DO YOU HAVE A LIFE??


Your Life


I love the song and the group but this was hilarious. I cried laughing.


Shut the fuck up please!! They dedicated this song to their families and childhood memories. I know there are Haters like you but you know what more girls would like to suck their dick than yours. So go die in a hole. 


Judgement on the song set aside, I could list quite a few reasons why this article sucks...


This made my day. And yes to Zayn, he can break me in anyway he likes.

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