One Direction's "Story Of My Life": Why This Song Sucks

Categories: Serrano Time

OD.jpg
Zayn and the crew
[Editor's Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning writer and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.]

Song: One Direction's "Story Of My Life"

History: A long time ago there were barber shop quartets and then after that the New Kids On The Block, and more recently five UK dudes were like, "We're One Direction" and they were a hit.

Atmospherics: Like the boys are suddenly really into Mumford & Sons. Or like they're starting their own nondenominational church.

See also: One Direction - Izod Center - 7/2/13

Analysis: Let's ignore three things here. Let's ignore:

1. That One Direction has officially entered the stage of their career where they begin to try to leap from Boy Band to Credible Rock Musicians. That's what's going on here. But let's ignore that.

2. That nobody in One Direction can really sing or dance, which should've been more of a problem so far considering THEY ARE A BOY BAND AND BOY BANDS USUALLY SING AND DANCE.

3. Zayn is uncomfortably handsome. Let's ignore that too.

That leaves us with only the bones of the track. Did you know that eight people wrote this song? EIGHT. The Declaration of Independence is the greatest document of all time. Do you know how many people it took to write it? One, bro: Patrick fucking Swayze. First he won that dance contest, then he fixed up the Double Deuce, then he possessed Whoopi Goldberg and made her make out with Demi Moore, and then he wrote the Declaration of Independence. That's a little thing called a history lesson, homie.

Whatever.

Lines from the song:


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26 comments
sarahkhorton
sarahkhorton

 To Mr. Serrano, I'm afraid your arguments and attempts to write something witty and humorous are quite shitty to say the least. And to everyone claiming that everyone defending One Direction and the song is under 16 and don't know what they're talking about, think again. I can't speak for everyone else, but I am 18 going on 19 years old, and most of 1D's fans are almost as old as the boys themselves.

 First off, I'll be honest, I did agree with one thing written in this article: Zayn Malik is handsome as hell, so kudos to you for having good taste in men.

   Second, no one in One Direction has EVER said that they're not a boyband anymore, or that they're trying to break out of the boyband label. In fact, I think they're quite proud of being thought of as a boyband, as well they should be, so saying that they're at the point in their careers where they try to come off as "credible rock musicians" is just plain wrong.

   Third, and what I'm most angry about, is that Serrano claims that NOBODY - none of the FIVE boys in the band - can sing. Which is clearly why they're the most successful musical artists in the world right now, right? Let me ask you, have you ever heard about how the band got together? How they ALL auditioned as solo acts on The X Factor UK, ALL of them made it through, and were put together as a band by someone who is quite well-known and renowned in the music business, Simon Cowell himself? And somehow I highly doubt you've actually heard them sing live.  I'm not one of those fans who tries to shove their music down your throat, and claims that you have to like them, but saying that they have no talent whatsoever, with absolutely no evidence to back it up, is not a smart thing to do. Do yourself a favor, and look up a few acoustic performances and actually listen to their voices before you say something so absurd. As for their dancing, they have never claimed to be good dancers. If you've ever been to one of their concerts (I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say you haven't), or if you'd actually done any research before writing this article, then you'll know that they don't have choreographed dances like other boybands do.

   And lastly, the lyrics of almost any song out there are not meant to be taken literally, so all that does is make you sound immature, and doesn't help your argument of why the song "sucks" at all. I suggest that you make wholehearted arguments next time, instead of attempting to come off as humorous. It really doesn't help your credibility as a writer. 

   Sincerely, An Angered And Annoyed One Direction Fan

arihoran253
arihoran253

To every "Directioner" defending this "band"- grow the fuck up. They have no idea this article exists. They have no idea that you're defending them, they have no idea who you fucking are. Okay? You don't know them personally. Stop defending them like they're your children. You are nothing but a dollar sign to them.

labmeeee
labmeeee

I'm 56 years old and listening to music and playing music my whole life. Music is art and the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I love the song "Story Of My Life". In my opinion haunting melody, lovely lyrics and beautifully performed. Arrogant and judgmental is no way to go through life, but you'll hopefully learn that when you grow up.

danielaw1993
danielaw1993

i gurantee every female here that defended 1d is under 16. i am laughing so hard at the butthurt. You guys don't even know music. it's a fact 1D has ripped off other bands. haha

xoxluvuluvliesxox
xoxluvuluvliesxox

Uhm... Louis is 22 Zayn is 21 Liam is 20 Niall is 20 and Harry is 20... You said none of them were older than 21+ ???

madison_4582
madison_4582

I'M SORRY WE CANT HEAR YOU FROM THE TOP OF THE FUCKING CHARTS!!!!!!

karmin.cool
karmin.cool

some people tries to be funny, but they just can't...

now if anybody can log into internet and write lame articles just to try to pretend they're comedy genius then i can write about why THIS article sucks and no i won't try to be funny

karmin.cool
karmin.cool

and also not 8 people wrote it, it was niall, liam, louis, zayn and harry. the five of them only and it's not our fault if you're not deep enough to understand the song they're not your teachers to explain every word to you

karmin.cool
karmin.cool

they can't sing?! L O L what a shame that you have no musical ear, and it's really sad how you didn't understand the meanings of the lyrics, and all you thought about is sex. if you're looking for sex then go to some trashy club where you belong! OH! and you can have sex and earn money at the same time because you are a bitch and that's what bitches do :)

*friendly reminder:

zayn had broke the record for the highest and best live highnote for 2013.

sophia_g.z
sophia_g.z

First of all, One Direction CAN sing. They were put together by Simon Cowell, who is pretty respected by his work.

Second of all, I understand that they can't dance but they specifically say that they want to be as far as possible from the real Boy Band image. 

Third of all,  the song is written by 8 person, including the five boys. They obviously don't have a lot of experience in writing. Let's not forget that they started their career only three years ago.

I understand you didn't liked their song and I completely understand that but please respect others opinion. 

emmmmma
emmmmma

This article is the saddest thing I've ever seen. I mean seriously she practically made up stuff. LOL I MEAN come on ! DO YOU HAVE A LIFE??

Sincerely,

Your Life

insecretplaces
insecretplaces

I love the song and the group but this was hilarious. I cried laughing.

iheartzaynmalik
iheartzaynmalik

Shut the fuck up please!! They dedicated this song to their families and childhood memories. I know there are Haters like you but you know what more girls would like to suck their dick than yours. So go die in a hole. 

nellygrl
nellygrl

Judgement on the song set aside, I could list quite a few reasons why this article sucks...

amilla
amilla

This made my day. And yes to Zayn, he can break me in anyway he likes.

bryanna_bucholz
bryanna_bucholz

@sarahkhorton I agree 100%. I love the fact that we all get called "butthurt" by people who are dissing a band that is known as the most popular band in the world right now. We all know that this was written by a immature adult who thinks that saying a song "sucks" will make his opinion more credible. It's really sad that even the kids that listen to One Direction can often say "To each his own" and brush off the negative comments, but then there are adults in their late 20's bitching and moaning because they "suck".


Secondly, One Direction do not rip people off. I don't know many songs that they have covered. I know that teenage dirtbag was a song that caused everyone to go crazy and there were debates everywhere on who was better. In my opinion, who gives a shit? 


8 people wrote SOML? That's a really good reason to criticize a band. At least they participated in the writing of the song. I seriously wouldn't hire someone who has zero sources and thinks that the amount of people who wrote a hit song is a credible reason for why a band "sucks".


Lastly, Youre right, they can't dance. That's what makes them adored as hell. You would understand if you knew anything about the band.


Don't criticize someone who is 10x more well known as you. it makes you look meticulous.

kynastics2003
kynastics2003

@arihoran253 Stfu and you have no fucking clue that they haven't seen this. And we Dirctioners are going to fucking defend them because they save our lives and we dont want idotic people like you making them kill themselves. And if they used us for money then why dont their parents have nice houses, and how come they havent gotton a million houses already?

Tinkeobel
Tinkeobel

My faves can do much better high notes than Zayn lol (Zayn is still great tho)

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