Katy Perry's "Roar": Why This Song Sucks

Categories: Serrano Time

katyperry-roar-youtube.jpg
[Editor's Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning writer and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.]

History: Katy Perry was born in 1984, except back then people called her "Katy Hudson" because that's her real name. In 2001, she was like, "You know what? I'm gonna release a Christian album," so that's what she did. It flopped.

Then she was like, "You know what? God can't take me to the top, bro, but I know what can," and so she changed her name to Katy Perry and swapped out our Lord and Savior for a bra that squirts out whipped cream. She's since sold approximately 10 million albums. "Roar" comes from her new album, Prism. It's not that great, but since she's not talking about Jesus Christ it was able to top the charts. Pretty cool world. Here's why it sucks:

See also: Katy Perry Gets Lost in the Jungle on SNL

Atmospherics: It sounds like Katy Perry heard "Brave" by Sara Bareilles and really, really liked it a lot and so she tried to make it herself.

It's not unlike the time one of my sons watched a video of a crocodile eating a deer and was like, "OH FUCK, DADDY! I WANNA BE A CROCODILE!" And so he ran upstairs and two minutes later screamed for me to come and when I got there he was standing all the way naked except for the plastic bag that he had hanging betwixt his butt cheeks. "I'M A CROCODILE," he shouted. "DO YOU SEE MY TAIL?" He wasn't a crocodile and that wasn't a tail. He was a jackass with a grocery bag wedged into his tiny butt.

"Roar" is basically that: a plastic bag wedged into Katy Perry's butt. That's a little thing called a perfect metaphor.

Analysis: The song is about standing up for yourself, which I guess is fine enough. But three pretty dark and nasty things get revealed about her in the video:

KatyPerryUngrateful.jpg
1. Katy Perry is ungrateful

She and a handsome man are in the jungle following a plane crash. The handsome man is boldly leading Katy Perry through the jungle, attempting to find rescue. Katy Perry is for some reason not feeling him. So she begins to sing about never arguing or causing any sort of fuss in the relationship.

That's when a tiger springs out and eats the handsome man, Katy Perry is barely shaken at all. As she more or less sings: "HAHAHAHAHA. In your face, bitch. Oh, by the way, I'm standing up for myself now! Because you're dead. Because that tiger just ate you."

Lady bros, just a quick tip: If your boyfriend/fiance/husband is doing something you don't like -- watching a dumb TV show or not putting his dirty dishes away or whatever -- you don't have to feed him to an animal. Just be like, "Yo, homie. Can you not do that please?" He'll be like, "Alright, cool." Boom. Relationship fixed, and nobody dies.

MonkeyIdeafixed.jpg
2. Katy Perry isn't that great at hunting

Katy Perry makes friends with a monkey. The monkey's like, "Yo, why don't you use your heel to make a spear," which is pretty goddamn smart, really. She's like, "Good idea." She makes the spear and the monkey is like, "Fuckin' a, bro. We're eating good tonight." Then Katy Perry goes hunting....


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41 comments
DJ0987
DJ0987

Some of the Katy Perry supporters are defensively butthurt from this article. I hate pop music because it sucks nowadays and became significantly WORSE since Perry came along.

Y'all knew damn well what the article was about when you saw the title...but yet, felt the need to say something for the reason that the author and commenters who are entitled to NOT like Perry aggravates you.

Here's a suggestion for you fucks: hunt her down and sniff the toilet paper she used after taking a shit since you're up her ass.

Do the world a favor: shove it, and find heavy traffic to play in, brown nosing jackasses.

Fuck her and her shitty music, and fuck YOU, ya fucking fuckwad fuckers. Fuck.

DJ0987
DJ0987

Some of the Katy Perry supporters are defensively butthurt from this article. I'm butthurt because pop music sucks nowadays and became significantly WORSE since Perry came along.

Y'all knew damn well what the article was about when you saw the title...but yet, felt the need to say something for the reason that the author and commenters who are entitled to NOT like Perry aggravates you.

Here's a suggestion for you fucks: hunt her down and sniff the toilet paper she used after taking a shit since you're all up her ass.

Do the world a favor: and find heavy traffic to play in, brown nosing jackasses.

Fuck YOU, ya fucking fuckwad fuckers. Fuck.

harutcit
harutcit

it's   just  too   stupid  video  and  song.

finalbattlemetal
finalbattlemetal

This woman, Katy Perry, is about as terrible as music gets. She looks like a slut and cant sing at all. As long as she is "empowering" "women" to be selfish, superficial and greedy then we are heading for disaster. Go away Katy Perry and ALL of her fans. Together you are making the world a shitty place.

Btw... One day she and her fans will be old and no longer "beautiful" and will be left with nothing good since her and her fans personalities SUCK.

Robert Patterson
Robert Patterson

Does the author feel better now after writing this?It's like he blew his nose and needs to show us the color if his snot? Why? Who but the author enjoys this take down? It's pop music. Seriously. Find and Fight a better opponent. Village voice yet again has proven they no longer give the reader quality insight. They give the reader self indulgent nose snot stories. They used to do better. Gesundheit.

Tim Cox
Tim Cox

Let me tell you why this article sucks. I got halfway through when I stopped reading. The screenshots and commentary on the video tells me nothing about the song. Just that the author hates the video (and loves Sara Bareilles. I thought there would be some intelligent discussion on a staccato voice or the crescendos. Maybe even the production qualities. I guess it could have been discussed later, but I couldn't get past the drab shit-talk about the video. Do people still watch videos?

Satu Runa
Satu Runa

Again, the song is not for you, Justin. If you don't like it, move on.

Justin Cope
Justin Cope

I hope your job isn't to empower people.

Justin Cope
Justin Cope

Well the song sucks and so does this author.

Satu Runa
Satu Runa

The song isn't for you. It's for the millions of girls and women that feel empowered when they hear it play.

Paul Pena
Paul Pena

So your saying I should pull the grocery bag out of my butt?

NichoLas DoshNer
NichoLas DoshNer

so she didn't need god is what she is saying? hahahahaha. who does?

Angelo Noal
Angelo Noal

The Lord works in mysterious ways...

inkcapacitated
inkcapacitated

I don't have strong feelings about Perry either way, and I came across this article by accident, but what I see here is an arrogant person wasting his ability to write on an opinionated article full of hate and sarcasm, which are two of the biggest wastes of words on the face of the planet. Most of the other people who have commented are just as bad as the author. None of you understand that your opinions are not facts, that not everything out there has to make you happy, and that it's childish and ugly to smear your hate on things that make other people happy.

It's amazing to me that writers can make money on this kind of useless tripe.

But not as much money as Katy Perry makes.

inkcapacitated
inkcapacitated

I don't have strong feelings about Perry either way, and I came across this article by accident, but what I see here is an arrogant person wasting his ability to write on an opinionated article full of hate and sarcasm, which are two of the biggest wastes of words on the face of the planet. Most of the other people who have commented are just as bad as the author. None of you understand that your opinions are not facts, that not everything out there has to make you happy, and that it's childish and ugly to smear your hate on things that make other people happy. It's amazing to me that writers can make money on this kind of useless tripe.But not as much money as Katy Perry makes.

Dina Zavor
Dina Zavor

that's what I heard. as for the video - the worst video of 2013... ok, one of them (the worst one is blurred lines)

Bill San Antonio
Bill San Antonio

It is mean-spirited...to Katy Perry and those that earnestly like her music and persona. That was the point.

Derek Abbott
Derek Abbott

"Jesus Christ, bro. Stop talking. I should not have eaten your boyfriend I should've eaten myself. I should've chewed off and eaten my own body because that'd have been less awful then this."

Steve Kalan
Steve Kalan

Listen to Nashville's rising star Kacey Musgrave

Linda Marie
Linda Marie

In this video I vote her worst pop star actress in a music video ever. What a piece of crap. Poor animals... FYI, This should be a real category @ the MTV awards. Lets get real here people!

Carlo Gomez
Carlo Gomez

And I thought the "Macarena" was bad...

Suzy Palau
Suzy Palau

I so agree with the Village Voice.

epac666
epac666 topcommenter

So...you took 772 words (I pasted into Word) to explain something when all you had to do is say "Listen to this"...?

Linda Marie
Linda Marie

I really think she needs an acting coach...this video is pure cheesy garbage...poor animals poor mother nature.

Marcia Wood
Marcia Wood

I called copycat the minute I heard the song!

Agirl
Agirl

@Satu Runa For million of girls and women that feel empowered when they hear it play.

Seriously? All I see is her thrusting her breasts to my face in the video and singing cheesy lines about some stupid relationship.
Does not look like its empowering anyone at all. It looks like those music-video-turned-fapping-material to me.

DJ0987
DJ0987

You moron, why don't you hunt her down and sniff the shit stained toilet paper she used after taking a shit since your all up her ass. Do the world a favor, shut the fuck up, and find heavy traffic to play in jackass.

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