Ask Andrew W.K.: I Have a New Crush - Should I Dump My Old Flame?

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Clipto
[Editor's note: Every week New York City's own Andrew W.K. takes your life questions, and sets you safely down the right path to a solution, a purpose or -- no surprise here -- a party. Need his help? Just ask: AskAWK@villagevoice.com]

Dear Andrew,

I've fallen in love with my new co-worker. She's the girl of my dreams and also has feelings for me. The problem is, I'm already in a committed relationship with another girl and we've been living together for three years.The consistency and normalcy of that relationship is comforting, but I miss the excitement we had in our first days now that I've found it again in my new co-worker crush. How do I end it with someone I care about and pursue this new girl of my dreams?

- Lost and Confused

See also: Ask Andrew W.K.: I'm Not Ready For a Baby

Dear Lost and Confused,

Leaving a relationship you don't enjoy is important whether or not you've found someone to leave it for. But it seems like the new feelings you have for your co-worker have motivated you and made it clear to you that you want out of your current relationship. I say go for it and break up so you can pursue your new romance, but I have one question for you first: What happens when the "new girl of your dreams" turns into another committed relationship of consistency and normalcy?

The thrill of infatuation and the initial overwhelming excitement of attraction is not meant to be sustained the exact same way forever. Be careful not to get hooked on the rush of a new crush if you ultimately want to share your life with someone for the long term. For your sake, and hers, I hope this new lady is someone you can have a crush on forever. Otherwise, you'll always be looking to replace what you already have.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side -- sometimes it just appears greener because it's brand new fresh grass straight from the nursery and hasn't really been planted or taken roots yet. Or it might even have some green spray paint on it, making it appear better than it is. Either way, all lawns require time and care -- tending and nurturing. Make sure you're devoting your energy into the right gardening tasks and not getting swept off your feet by the latest and greatest green grass when you already have a fantastic yard to work with.

Your friend,
Andrew W.K.

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7 comments
mn_oss
mn_oss

Something fresh and new will always be more enticing than what's been available. It's a trap. It's like trying to buy every new reincarnation of the iPhone when it comes out when your phone was perfectly fine. Andrew' talk of love and commitment makes me very happy that he has Cherie Lily to be devoted to.

jasonxoc
jasonxoc

Hey that's some wisdom. I like how he threw in there love isn't a feeling, it's a commitment. Driving it home... if you commit, commit and work through it. Fight to make old new again.


I've been with my girl for almost 4 years and I think our solution is to buy some green jelly beans to bounce off her ass while she, dressed like a nun, tries to hike squares of jello at my nutsac through her legs while listening to lounge re-makes of katie perry songs. 


I hope we do stuff like that into our 80s. That's love

stjimmy118
stjimmy118

I think Andrew has said all that needs to be said here. If you're not happy with how things are going then it is important to be able to let go. If you have found someone new, then that's great and best of luck to you! Do whatever you feel is right for you, and more importantly, do what makes you happy!

smilers
smilers

i think that going for the new person could be valid though. I wish you had talked more about how to potentially end the relationship with the old flame. obviously this person really cares about her and doesn't want to hurt her

nicolekrystyn
nicolekrystyn

It's easy to forget to appreciate what you already have when something flashier is right in front of you, but people have feelings and you have to respect them. Crushes are usually fleeting so definitely take Andrew's "grass is always greener" sentiment to heart!

dustindadams
dustindadams

You are gonna fall in and out of love a million times in your life. If you move on to the next it is only a matter of time before they are the old flame and another crush comes along. If you meet the right one you will know. But be honourable don't string the old or new partner on. That hurts.

AndyBee
AndyBee

The grass is always greener! Well said by AWK! There are soo many people cheating on each other these days. Not all relationships are meant to last, however some are, and when children are part of the relationship then that relationship also includes their hearts. So many divorces, breakups and broken hearts. Don't add yourself to those statistics.

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