10 Signs You're Too Old For Coachella

Categories: Coachella

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Photo Chris Victorio/OC Weekly
Age, of course, is a state of mind. But it's easy to feel like you've aged 30 years after three busy days at Coachella. Whether you've gone to the festival since the first year in 1999 or just started going a few years ago, the festival can feel a bit, well, different than when you were in your teens and 20s. If so, you might want to check and see if you just might be getting too old for this shit.

See also: The 50 Most Beautiful People at Coachella

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10. You Need A Magnifying Glass to Read the Damn Lineup Poster
Okay, is it just your eyes or does the last few lines of the lineup keep getting more and more impossible to read? No, it must just be your browser, right?

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9. Who The Hell Are These People?
When you're finally able to decipher the bands billed in smaller font in the line up, you find yourself saying, "Who??" more than usual. There was a day when you were a huge fan of even the itty bitty bands billed on the last line (see: The Killers circa 2004, The Locust circa 2005, The Avett Brothers circa 2007, Deadmau5 circa 2008). Now, the acts you're most excited for could easily be seen on VH1 Classic. What's a STRFKR, anyway?

8. Strollerchella
Once upon a time, the only person you were forced to babysit at Coachella was your friend who decided to take acid and ecstasy at once. But these days you're busy taking care of that tiny human you made with the good-looking person you met at the Do Lab a few years prior.

7. You Now Pregame With a Cold-Pressed Organic Juice and Bowl of Quinoa
Coachella can take a lot out of you: the dry, desert heat, the walking, and the curmudgeonly judgements can all be exhausting. When you first started going to music festivals, you took hits of various illicit uppers, downers and stabilizers out of the little brown bottle in your shaving kit to get you through whatever the weekend brought your way. These days, it's all about a healthy balance of an organic diet, morning yoga and PMA to get you through the day.



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10 comments
Stephen Scigliano
Stephen Scigliano

been there done that,.,..,most new music is really not that good,.,.

JPMcMahon
JPMcMahon

Really? I'm a geezer and I still camp at festivals. I don't care if I know the bands that are playing, and they are almost always GOOD because they are playing at a frigging festival. It's called "learning". The 30 somethings who have already established the narrow bandwidth of music they will listen to the rest of their lives, and who don't camp now because they have "money"  are the ones who are really pathetic.

Rayne Macy
Rayne Macy

hilarious! i'm too old for this shit!! went to tweed in ont. canada when i was a teen..awesome..but ya, way too old now..fond memories are ok too :)

G Jude Love
G Jude Love

Never too old to do whatever the FUCK you want to do!! FUCK off young fucktards!! Don't you have a text to send while you're driving??!!

TC Cardamone
TC Cardamone

Who gives a shit Village Voice... This man paid for a ticket I'm assuming so leave him then heck alone.. Sorry he isn't a poser like half the people at coachella!

Kenny Burtner
Kenny Burtner

Let the old man enjoy himself who fucking cares!

Mir Cat
Mir Cat

Never to old to go to prison.

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