Ask Andrew W.K.: How to Get Over a Devastating Breakup

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[Editor's note: Every Wednesday New York City's own Andrew W.K. takes your life questions, and sets you safely down the right path to a solution, a purpose or -- no surprise here -- a party. Need his help? Just ask: AskAWK@villagevoice.com]

Dear Andrew,

My girlfriend of four years just broke up with me last night. I'm totally devastated. Even though we've had our ups and downs, she just dropped me from out of nowhere. She also told me she cheated on me, which just makes this all worse. We had been dating since high school and I thought we'd be together forever. She said she wants to stay friends and to help each other through the breakup by staying in contact. My heart is shattered and I still love her, even though I'm also angry and so hurt. I can't imagine how I can continue living a regular life without her. How do I stop all these feelings and forget about her?

Sincerely,
Devastated Dumped Dude

See also: Ask Andrew W.K.: "I'm Contemplating Suicide"

Dear Devastated Dumped Dude,

You don't stop all these feelings. You should feel devastated. Your heart should feel shattered. That's how you can tell you were really in love, that you're really alive, and you're really a human being. It's also how you can tell that you really allowed yourself to be truly open and intimate with someone else. Many people can't handle the pain of really loving and caring about someone else, so they avoid intense relationships and the vulnerability that comes with them. You should take pride in the fact that you've been strong enough to be weak. The strongest people have the capacity to really let themselves feel. Sure, it hurts. But it's also how you got to experience all those wonderful feelings too. Don't let the pain trick you into closing your heart to the world and the future.

And don't try and forget about her. Odds are you'll remember her for the rest of your life and think about her constantly, even years and years after you've recovered from this initial onslaught of painful emotion. When you're in a relationship with someone for a significant amount of time, they become part of you forever. You've exposed your soul to them, and whether you like it or not, they'll retain their place in the story of your life for the rest of your time here on earth. But you'll find that your memories and thoughts of them won't always be painful. They won't necessarily be enjoyable either. They'll just be thoughts. Like remembering a dream. Don't be afraid of your thoughts or your dreams or your nightmares. You can think about things without always having to feel emotions connected to the thoughts.

As far as "staying friends" and "helping each other work through the breakup," I think that's a bad idea. Many people I've met somehow stay friends with their exes, but I've never really done it and don't understand how it works. No offense to those who pull it off, but my advice is to never feel it necessary to talk to your ex again, especially if they cheated on you. It's something that has ended, like high school.

You don't go back to high school after it ended and start taking freshman classes again just to keep in touch. You've moved on to a new part of your life. If you get fired from a job, you don't go back and do some shifts just for fun to help your boss out. It's over. You step forward into the next adventure that awaits. Have the courage to make a clean break. If you keep picking at the wound, it won't heal as effectively and will keep re-opening. Be done with this and keep moving.

Most of all, stay strong. You will make it through this time. You will be stronger because of it. You will be OK again. In fact, you'll be better than ever. You will meet a woman that's the one. Probably when you least expect it. You will hurt and you will also feel excitement. Your attachment to the past will morph into curiosity about the future. Whatever you do, keep your heart open. Do not let this relationship be the end of your life. Let it be only the end of that time in your life. Now is the only time that matters. Your time with her wasn't wasted. Every moment is precious, even the moments that suck. I'm thinking of you and sending you strength.

Your party will continue. In fact, it's only just begun.

Love,
Andrew

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30 comments
daniellapal
daniellapal


I want to use this opportunity to tell everyone about Dr Shiva of reunitingexspell2@gmail.com on how he help me reunited with my husband after 2 months of divorce.My husband divorce me because he saw another woman in his office and he said to me that he is no longer in love with me anymore and decide to divorce me.I seek help from the Net and i saw good talk about Dr Shiva and i contact him and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me which i use to get my husband back within 2 days.If you need his help Email him at reunitingexspell@yahoo.com

stevenrio3015
stevenrio3015

i have never seen a wonderful Doctor like Doctor Atete. He is a man of his word and the solution of all kind of problems, i call him the physical God on earth because of what he has done for me with his powerful spell. I was married for seventeen years without any child but when i contacted  Doctor Atete for help,he promised me that all will be well with me and my wife then he cast a spell for me and i am so please to tell the world that my wife got pregnant after sex and today she gave birth to triplet. What else can i say than to say thank you to Doctor Atete the man that has wipe my tears.D o you need help then Contact Doctor Atete today via mail: doctoratetespelltemple@hotmail.com or via website http://drzazazworldofpowerfulspellwebscom.webs.com or Phone: +2347056505954

cindyivan63
cindyivan63

I am Cindy Ivan from United Kingdom, Scotland, I did not believe in Love spell magic for i thought and believed it was not real until the day that my boyfriend left me for one Girl, I tried all my possible means to get him back to me but it all seems to be in vain, So one day i saw a testimony on the INTERNET about DR OVIA how he helped one Man to get his wife back, although i didn't believe in love spell, i contacted him because i loved my Boyfriend and i want him back, So DR OVIA performed the love spell and told me to wait for just 12 hours which i did, So surprisingly, My Boyfriend sent me an apologizing Text and he started begging me, from that day, we became together and up till now, We are in love with each other like never before.. If you need any help, You can as well contact DR OVIA on this Valid Emails ( droviasolutioncenter@gmail.com or droviasolutioncenter@yahoo.com) You can also call him on +2348054049995 or contact him directly Via His Website http://droviasolutioncenter.webs.com/

  My Regards...

joescandra1
joescandra1

I am joes candra, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.OSAUYI for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. Three days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 6 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.OSAUYI released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.OSAUYI for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too.  OSAUYILOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM that is his email address bye or you can call is hot line on +2347064294395


joescandra1
joescandra1

I am joes candra, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.OSAUYI for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. Three days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 6 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.OSAUYI released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.OSAUYI for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too.  OSAUYILOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM that is his email address bye or you can call is hot line on +2347064294395


cm9068223
cm9068223



BE CAREFUL HERE NOBODY CAN HELP YOU HERE OR EVEN SUGGEST HOW YOU CAN GET YOUR EX OR LOVE BACK,ANY TESTIMONIES OF MOST SPELL CASTER HERE MUST BE IGNORE.BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE SCAM I MEAN REAL SCAM WHICH I WAS A VICTIM AND I GOT RIPPED OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS BECAUSE I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO GET MY WIFE BACK AFTER SHE LEFT ME FOR OVER 2 YEARS WITH MY 7 YEARS OLD SON JERRY,I HAVE APPLIED TO 7 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTER HERE AND ALL TO NO AVAIL THEY ALL ASK FOR SAME THING SEND YOUR NAME YOUR EX NAME ADDRESS AND PICTURE PHONE NUMBER ETC WHICH I DID OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND MOST OF THEM WERE FROM WEST AFRICA UNTIL ISAW A POST ABOUT MAMA ANITA SPELL AND I DECIDED TO GAVE HER MY LAST TRAIL.SHE ASK ME FOUR THINGS MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND $180 AND SAID MY EX WILL COME BACK IN 24HOURS, I HAVE PAID OVER $3000 ON SPELL CASTING AND COURIER AND NOTHING HAVE WORK FOR ME AFTER 3 DAYS I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I HAVE LOST SO FAR SO I SAID LET ME GIVE HER A TRY SO I CALLED HER AGAIN AND SEND MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND THE $180 BECAUSE I SWEAR IT WAS MY LAST TRY SO I WAS WAITING AS SHE TOLD ME TO WAIT TILL NEXT DAY AND I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE MY WIFE AND WANT HER BACK AT 9PM THAT DAY I SAW MY WIFE ON LINE ON FACE BOOK AND SHE SAID HI AT FIRST I WAS SHOCK BECAUSE SHE NEVER TALK WITH ME FOR THE PAST A YEAR AND 9 MONTH NOW I DID NOT REPLY AGAIN SHE SAID ARE YOU THERE? I QUICKLY REPLY YES AND SHE SAID CAN WE SEE TOMORROW I SAID YES AND SHE WENT OFF-LINE I WAS CONFUSED I TRY TO CHAT HER AGAIN BUT SHE WAS NO MORE ON LINE I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT AS I WAS WONDERING WHAT SHE IS GOING TO SAY, BY 7.AM THE NEXT MORNING SHE GAVE ME A MISS CALL I DECIDED NOT TO CALL BACK AS I WAS STILL ON SHOCK AGAIN SHE CALL AND I PICK SHE SAID CAN WE SEE AFTER WORK TODAY I SAID YES SO SHE END THE CALL IMMEDIATELY I GOT OFF WORK SHE CALL ME AND WE MEET AND NOW WE ARE BACK AGAIN I CALL MAMA ANITA THE NEXT DAY THANKING HER FOR WHAT SHE HAS DONE IN FACT I STILL CALL HER AND THANK HER AS MY LIFE WAS NOT COMPLETE WITHOUT MY WIFE PLEASE BE CAREFUL HERE I HAVE BEEN SCAM THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IF YOU WANT A TRUE LOVE SPELL THEN CONTACT MAMA ANITA (mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com)

erinmgarrettlove
erinmgarrettlove

My dearest Dr. Grea, Even if you probably don’t remember me, I have just two words in my heart, that I want to dedicate to you: Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart Dr. Grea of Re_unifyexlove@outlook.com and http://reunifyexlove.webs.com. Since my last boyfriend, I have felt so lonely. You know that as I explained that thoroughly in my first email to you. I wished for my heart to be filled with love and happiness and you did that! When Wade called me for an appointment, I had nearly a heart attack! It’s been only 72 hours that you cast the spell, and he is already back! This spell you cast is just so powerful that he can’t spend a minute without me! My joy is permanent, such as the spell you cast! It seems that the gods are smiling at me and you are the reason why. I will be your faithful follower for ever.  http://reunifyexlove.webs.com

millermoore06
millermoore06

OMG!! This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 20TH OF JUNE 2014, And i saw a marvelous testimony of this powerful and great spell caster called DR OSAUYI on the forum..I never believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about magic before.. Not a soul would have been able to influence me about magical spells, not until DR OSAUYI did it for me and restored my marriage of 8 years back to me and brought my spouse back to me in the same 24 hours just as i read on the internet..i was truly astonished and shocked when my husband knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation to you DR OSAUYI you are a God sent to me and my entire family.. And now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his website: Email:(OSAUYILOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM)  Mrs Miller Moore from England City.http://osauyilovespell.webs.com

davideric111
davideric111

I am David Eric,I want to say thank to dr.trust for everything he did in my life. To everyone who doesn't believe in spell, I was one like you at first. I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to do this since I've tried others so-called spells casters and they did not work and was a waste of my time and money. However, when I read so many testimonials of dr.tust how he help people to get back their ex lover. dr.tust  answered all my questions and was very nice about everything, I decided to give it a try. I figured it would be my last try to get my ex girlfriend back. So my story is that I was at my office when the girl I suppose to marry  told me that she wasn't in love with me and never will it be and that she didn't want to speak or see me again, especially since she was talking to this other guy. i email dr.trust and tell him everything.he let me know which spells would be most appropriate for me and I chose the one that was to get her back to me and stay with me and  to marry me.As soon as he finish the spells, my girlfriend came back into my life! It was a miracle to me and I’m so thankful to him, that is why i am sharing this testimony to those who need his help. Things have been going well, and pretty much according to what dr.trust said would happen. I’m very happy for the love spell dr.trust have done for me, my ex girlfriend is now back to me and we are living so happy. if you asked me or my friends if I would have anticipated how things were right now…no one would believe it! contact is email address (ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or ultimatespellcast@gmail.com tell +2348156885231) David Eric 

jessylynnharvey
jessylynnharvey


  Hello, My name is Jessylynn harvey. i want to share to the whole world on how Dr Keke Odin the chief Priest of all the spell casters in India Helped me reunite my marriage. To cut the long story shot, after 2 years of break up with my Husband with no phone calls or email messages. i was so frustrated because i have contacted so many other spell casters with no results. when i read about Dr Keke Odin (The Chief Priest Of all the spell casters in India) on his website at http://greatkekespelltemple01.webs.com so i decided to contact him for help. to my greatest surprise, in just 24 hours later my Husband called me and started begging for forgiveness. i am now a happy woman with a beautiful baby girl.all thanks to Dr Keke odin. You can contact Dr keke Odin On directly on his email at greatkekespelltemple@gmail.com or contact him through his website at http://greatkekespelltemple01.webs.com. his help is assured and guaranteed once again email him directly at greatkekespelltemple@gmail.com

acjohnson55
acjohnson55

I feel for the LW. Almost 10 years ago, I experienced the same sort of heartbreak -- I was dumped apparently out of the blue. The next year was very very difficult. For those first few months, I felt something I can only describe as nearly physical agony. Through it, I just kept trying to improve myself as a person, even though I didn't really feel like there was a point to doing so. All these years later, I look back and realize that out of all that pain came some amazing growth.


In retrospect, I wasn't a great boyfriend, and that's probably why I got dumped. I approached the relationship with infatuation and near-obsessiveness. I thought it was our destiny to be together, instead of something I needed to work for. I depended heavily on my ex for my happiness and dumped my emotional baggage on her. I communicated poorly and with passive-aggressiveness.  


My later relationships were much less turbulent. I learned from each one that there were many things that first major relationship lacked. I gained a lot more perspective, and more importantly, I learned that I have to be strong for myself before I can be strong for someone else. Today, I'm engaged and I couldn't ask for a more blessed life. My fiancée never met my ex, but she can't stand her, because I honestly still carry some small echo of that pain. I tell her she shouldn't hate the girl because I'm a much better person and partner for what happened all those years ago.


To anyone who goes through this, my advice is that you need to take care of yourself. Channel your pain into positive action. Become a better student, friend, artist, or athlete. Don't give up. Eventually you'll start to see beauty in the world again, and when you do, you'll be a better person than you ever were before.

suepreedy11
suepreedy11

Hi I am sue preedy from London I got a love spell done on my fiance actually he left me after one year of engagement I was shocked when he told me he does not love me any more he is going to marry with another girl it was very difficult to believe because we were in love from last 5 years he was the guy who never thought to live without me for a second he used to give thousands of phone calls in a day and he was saying to me he does not love me any more, it was a worse news for my family because I gave a very good treat to my friends and raletive on my engagement and we put engagement ring to each other in front of hundreds of people now if he didn't marry me so it was shame for me in my society so I decided that I will get him back any how, than I found Dr.Trust on Internet I told him my problem he told me not to worry I will fetch him back to you he said that he will come himself and will beg me.he gave me 48 hours time and of course it happened before 48 hours he come back to me and said he is sorry for what he did to me,that he is ready to marry me. we get married and we are happy now as husband and wife. really Dr.Trust is a Miracle Man. contact him for your own help ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com call me +2348156885231

SDefiance0220
SDefiance0220

"You don't stop all these feelings. You should feel devastated. Your heart should feel shattered. That's how you can tell you were really in love, that you're really alive, and you're really a human being." Right on AWK. This article really hit home for me and was the first article I read on this page because the topic really drew me in. I experienced a devastating break up over a year ago with a girl I had loved and been with for about a 1 1/2 years (my longest unfortunately). This article is great because Andrew gives an honest no-BS answer in the most realistic way by telling us we NEED to experience the pain that comes with this. We need to let is mold us into someone stronger. I for one have become a stronger, better person I feel because if you compared me to how I was before I think you would see a big difference in who I was to who I am now. Thank you Andrew, you are big inspiration to me not just as a musician but as a human being. I hope one day we can meet and trade philosophical viewpoints and musical interests!

olufalayespellhome
olufalayespellhome

my name is Serli nataya i want to share a testimony about a spell caster who was introduced to me by a friend. the name of the spell caster is Dr.kizzekpe, he helped me bring my ex back to me in 2days after i have tender my problems to him he also helped to gain promotion in the firm am working..he is such a good spell caster that he will check if the spell will work before casting cos he told me not all human spells work for..Dr.kizzekpe is such a trust worthy person and i also recommend him to make those sad happy again..am using this medium to once again thank Dr.kizzekpe for making me happy again and i know many are out there who want their ex back if you have tried and fail here is Dr.kizzekpe to make you smile. meet him on,kizzekpespells@outlook.com

olufalayespellhome
olufalayespellhome

my name is Serli nataya i want to share a testimony about a spell caster who was introduced to me by a friend. the name of the spell caster is Dr.kizzekpe, he helped me bring my ex back to me in 2days after i have tender my problems to him he also helped to gain promotion in the firm am working..he is such a good spell caster that he will check if the spell will work before casting cos he told me not all human spells work for..Dr.kizzekpe is such a trust worthy person and i also recommend him to make those sad happy again..am using this medium to once again thank Dr.kizzekpe for making me happy again and i know many are out there who want their ex back if you have tried and fail here is Dr.kizzekpe to make you smile. meet him on,kizzekpespells@outlook.com

Tim Cox
Tim Cox

A guy should watch Swingers and (500) Days of Summer, then get drunk, steal a car (preferably a Galaxy 500 or any model Datsun), drive it out into the middle of nowhere and set it on fire. Walk home. You're over her.

Tanner
Tanner

"They are part of your soul" -I've been lucky enough to spend time with some incredible people - love them, be loved back. Relationships that have lasted from a year to five years -Guess what? I'm still in touch with these 'soul' people. They continue to be apart of my life - but we let our egos go - to see how to help each other forward in our next steps - even though they are apart. If you can't remain friends (even if the other person cheated on you- (yes it does color things!) then you were never in love with the person to begin with. Love is loyal and unconditional. Not expendable. 

AndyBee
AndyBee topcommenter

"You don't go back to high school after it ended and start taking freshman classes again just to keep in touch."


I've always said the same thing. Never understood why my  ex classmates add everyone on their social media sites to stay friends or keep in touch. I could see maybe 1 or 2 but not more than that. 


It's hard to move away from people you are in love with or roll with the changes. But it's better we do than try to save something that is no longer.

Tracy Fay
Tracy Fay

Damn, who knew Andrew W.K. was so thoughtful?

majkpo233
majkpo233

Damn, Andrew W.K., well written.

christopherkelvinjue
christopherkelvinjue

I and my wife have been having a lot of problems living

together, he 


always makes me unhappy because she has fallen in love with 


another man outside our relationship, i tried my best to make sure that


my wife leave this woman but the more i talk to her the more she 


makes me feel sad, so my marriage was now leading to divorce because she 


no longer gives me attention. so with all this pain and agony, i decided


to contact this spell caster to see if things can work out between me 


and my wife again. the spell caster told me what i will do to get my 


wife back, so he told me that he was going to make all things normal 


back. he did the spell on my wife and after 5 days my wife changed


completely she even apologize with the way he treated me that she was not


her self, i really thank this priest his name is priest ebafortare he has bring


back my wife back to me i want you all to contact him you are having 


any problem related to marriage issue and relationship problem he will 


solve it for you. his email is priestebafortare_solutionshrine@yahoo.com)


Janet Rucker
Janet Rucker

this is great. not many people will tell you to go through the pain; you can't avoid it.

cformusic
cformusic

or he'll forever regret this one as the one that got away..could really go either way..sorry OP

Scott Conners
Scott Conners

i like his psychological insights and advice better than his music

Ted Cantu
Ted Cantu

I cant get away from this guy Jaqob Jackson

Steve Renko
Steve Renko

My weakness is a part of my strength.

theniallist
theniallist

@Tanner Not always true, it depends on the relationship and the people invovled. Everyone is different. There is no hard and fast rule for anything in love, so if the OP reads this, it's WAAAAY too soon to even think about that "was it real love?"stuff right now, don't even worry about that. What's more urgent is that it IS real pain, and I agree with Andrew that it's prob best not to have the one inflicting that pain around while the wound heals. It worked for me, anyway. If you do remain friends in the future then so be it, but you're not under any obligation to. 


theniallist
theniallist

@Tanner Also if she cheated on him, the "I wanna help you through this" is most likely her feelings of guilt.

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