You Know What Dude? It's Robert Kelly Live From the Village Underground.

BobbyKellyPic.jpg
I'm from Boston and it's kind of a Boston thing.
Being viciously straightforward, devastatingly hilarious and cursing whenever possible is what we all know and love comedian Robert Kelly for. Oh, and for his excessive use of the word "dude" too. On Tuesday, June 17, he's taping his first special at the Village Underground and while it's sold out, not to worry because you can always get your "Bobby fix" through his wildly popular "You Know What Dude" podcast on The RiotCast Network. Before his big event goes down this Tuesday, we talked to this insanely funny guy to find out what else he's got going on and as it would turn out, we opened a Pandora's Box.

See also: Hannibal Buress: "Bombing Can Be Good"

The teenage story you told on Inside Amy was so funny and during it you had mentioned that you hadn't even had a finger in your ass at that point. At what age did you get a finger in your ass exactly?
[Laughs.] That is the fucking greatest question I've ever been asked! What a nice way to start off an interview too. Let me think. God dammit that's a great question! Ummm...it had to be after I got sober. It was after I was 19 I think. It was when I first started comedy and I dated some freaky chicks and they would do that. I didn't like it in though, just around.

You might've liked it more if you weren't sober.
Yeah, but then I would have probably just ended up banging a dude. [Laughs.] I remember I used to date this girl who would just get in the car and take all of her clothes off. We'd just drive around her neighborhood at night and she'd blow me and put her finger near my butt. It was one of the weirdest and coolest relationships I've ever had. I remember she used to smell like moth balls so I had to get over that smell. I used to keep the windows cracked in the car a little. [Laughs.] She was cool but she was a really socially awkward girl. Like, she was always quiet in public but then we'd get in the car, she'd get naked, we'd drive around, and she'd just blow me and play with my ass.

OK I don't even know if I'm happy or sad that I asked you that. On a side note, covering your live taping during the NY Comedy Festival last year for Village Voice was one of the most uncomfortably funny moments of my life.
I remember that and your review was great! That show was great because it was the moment I realized that Luis J. Gomez had sucked dick before. I mean, when he told me to put my leg up on that chair I was like, yeah, you've done this before. He knew it was the best position to be in because you can't have two planted feet when you are getting a blow job! You need one leg up to get it right.

Speaking of podcasts, there are a lot of fantastic ones on RiotCast. Other than your own, do you have a favorite?
It's hard for me to say because I kind of run the network. Rob Sprance and I handpick every show and we make sure these people can do it themselves so they don't need us. Like "Hammerfisting." Rob and I love the show and Luis really loves MMA and doing his podcast, so that's why we chose it. The passion was behind it. Then you have "The Jersey Jerks," which is one of the original shows and they do it every week. It's a fucking awesome show and they're self-deprecating, they trash people, and they don't give a fuck. "Why You Suck in Bed" has been around for a while and these two broads have professional jobs, they're sexy as hell, and they talk about sex from a girl's point of view. They do it so a guy will also want to listen because there's no bullshit involved. They're not trying to placate to women as a whole. We've got [Rich] Vos and Bonnie [McFarlane] and I went to them and was like, you guys should do something together. Their show "My Wife Hates Me" was this collaboration and now it's a hot live show that's just killing it. So long story not short, I don't have a favorite because every show is uniquely different. I listen to them all and I really like them all.

Good answer. Long, but good. When did you get so hooked on the word "dude"?
It's just me. I've been using it forever. I don't know, I'm from Boston and it's kind of a Boston thing. If you listen to Boston guys it's all, "Dude! Fucking dude!" I say "fucking dude" all of the time. That's why I don't do late night TV because what am I going to do? I developed this shake or something that I get when I can't say "fuck" or say what I want to say. On late night, I'd have to do my act in a certain way so that Middle America won't be offended. Suck my fucking dick, dude! [Laughs.]


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