Last Night a DJ Lost His Life, or DJ Khaled Was Murdered on Twitter
Last Tuesday, a 300 + pound walking, talking sack of excrement with a beard named DJ Khaled attempted to out windbag Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless on that duo's completely terrible but undeniably watchable show First Take. Not that surprisingly, he succeeded. Because Khaled is a Next Level Bullshitter who makes his living creating the soundtrack for the type of people who think bottle service is a great idea. Even next to Stephen A. and Skip B--who can sling nonsense with the best of 'em--he managed to spin a magical soliloquy of strung-together platitudes, unearned confidence, and epic braggadocio, proclaiming that the Miami Heat, his team, would easily take the next three games in the then-tied one-one series, choking the life out of the San Antonio Spurs, who he claims cheated to win the first game of the Finals. Well, we all know the opposite happened, the San Antonio Spurs won three games straight, absolutely drubbing the Heat in what was the biggest lopsided NBA Finals ever. Naturally, all week, Twitter has been outraged at Khaled. Last night, they murdered him.
Screengrab of First Take
See also: #AskRKelly Backfires Mightily on Twitter
Because of course they did. There is nothing we love more than seeing a self-proclaimed winner lose. That's why the Heat falling short feels so good. Or why Donald Trump filing for bankruptcy can lift your spirits. It's always fun to watch a brazen asshole slip in a puddle of his own outsized ego, and so angry Spurs and Heat fans have unloaded on Khaled (who has been silent since his team hit the skids) since his monumentally terrible prediction. Spurs fans are angry about his lack of respect. Heat fans feel he cursed the already most-hated team in the NBA.
It's been a hard week for this guy. Let's dive in:
YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT I SWEAR TO GOD I BETTER NEVER CATCH YOU IN THE STREETS BRUH @djkhaled— Mr. Markus (@BossmanJiggetts) June 13, 2014
I swear to God I would beat Dj Khaled ass in a street fight or in a ring get word back to his bitch ass— George Bush (@TheRealKaPOW) June 16, 2014
this is what happens when you allow @djkhaled to wear a Heat jersey and a dookie rope.— Raw Stiles (@RawStiles) June 13, 2014
He's a bitch RT @TheyCallMeMeech: DJ Khaled just doesn't strike me as a person who would have an informed opinion about anything in life lol— George Bush (@TheRealKaPOW) June 16, 2014
Has @djkhaled come out of hiding?— Chris Bennett (@chrisgb00) June 16, 2014
I HEARD that you was PERFORMING NO NEW RINGS NO NEW RINGS on first take @djkhaled— #ImInTheOffice APP (@TheLoopyBlogger) June 16, 2014
30 For 30: The Curse of DJ Khaled pic.twitter.com/5YQSWSisab— Freshalina (@freshalina) June 16, 2014
DJ Khaled drops down from rafters in a harness, steals the ball & disappears forever. The Heat never officially lose. He remains infallible.— ＳＨＥＲＥ ＫＨＡＮＴＥＮＴ (@BauceSauce) June 16, 2014
Now I can't trust DJ Khaled when he's like, "I made this record FOR THE STREETS." Obvious miscommunication going on there.— Brian Josephs (@Bklyn_Rock) June 16, 2014