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PLUG Awards: The Nominees You Didn't See

By Camille Dodero in PLUG Awards

Thursday, Mar. 6 2008 @ 3:02PM

Tonight, the PLUG 2008 Independent Music Awards will take place at Terminal 5, honoring winners in categories from Album of the Year to Zine of the Year. Coincidentally, an internal memo circulated among PLUG Cartel members just landed in Sound of the City's inbox, regarding "FWD: FWD: FWD: A LIST OF NOMINEES WE SHOULD REALLY INCLUDE BECAUSE IT'D BE AMUSING, LOL." It's posted below in entirety. Think you'll see why these never went past the FWD: FWD: FWD stage.

BLACK BAND OF THE YEAR

Black Angels
Black Dice
Black Kids
Black Lips
Black Moth Super Rainbow
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
The Black Swans
Crippled Black Phoenix
The Blipster Express

LOFT-SHOW POWER-DUO OF THE YEAR

Best Fwends
The DeathSet
High Places
Japanther
Lightning Bolt
Matt & Kim
Maura & Jess
No Age
U$AI$AMONSTER
Joly from Punkcast.com and His Videocamera

REASON YOU HATE VAMPIRE WEEKEND OF THE YEAR

They plan field trips to LaCoste
They wear dog-embroidered sweaters
They namedrop Louis Vuitton
They are one-trick show-ponies
You heard that the chandelier on their album cover is from an elitist Columbia fraternity that only prep-school kids can get into
You saw bassist Chris Baio making out with a disproportionately hot girl outside the NorthSide car service on Bedford Ave and it's just not fair
They remind you of all those smug assholes you knew in college
They suck

REASON YOU LOVE VAMPIRE WEEKEND OF THE YEAR

You once went to Cape Cod and were really bored too
Your closet is full of dog-embroidered sweaters
They namedrop Lil' Jon too—so lay off, classwarfaring honkeys
They play their instruments really well
Carrie Brownstein likes the song "A-Punk"
The drummer is hot
Ezra Koenig taught you about condoms
Ezra Koenig sings "Fuck the bears in Provincetown" in the song "Walcott" and you're a homophobe

[MORE BELOW]

BLOG COMMENTER OF YEAR

Jayson Greene
Ned Raggett
Anonymous 11:51
nyctaper
anon 4:13
Dickdogfood
Anybody who rates a song with the poo symbol on Paper Thin Walls

PITCHFORK WRITER NAMED AFTER THE CANONICAL GOSPELS OF THE YEAR

Marc Hogan
Marc Masters
Mark Pytlik
Mark Richardson
Matt LeMay
Matthew Murphy
Matthew Solarski
Nitsuh AbebeLuke

SURPRISE SEX SYMBOL OF THE YEAR

Les Savy Fav frontman Tim Harrington
Tay Zonday
Pylon frontwoman Vanessa Briscoe Hay
Dan Deacon
Robert Wyatt
Fucked Up frontman Pink Eye
Smoosh
Bradford Cox, who is quite adorable, so don't even think this is a joke at his expense

TIM HARRINGTON ONSTAGE ANTIC OF THE YEAR

Picking out his own belly-button lint and then licking it
Hanging upside-down from the Bowery Ballroom balcony
Drinking soap-bubble mix out of the jar
Using a Corona bottle as a spurting phallus
Getting people to Sharpie-tattoo his naked torso
Pulling his wife out of the crowd and making out with her in the middle of a song
Pulling an unsuspecting VBS.tv cameraman out from backstage and making out with him in the middle of a song
Somehow managing still to be married and nominated for the sex symbol category despite all this

TODD P SHOW OF THE YEAR

Black Lips, Silent Barn, New Year's Eve 2007
Lightning Bolt, Third Ward, Saturday March 24, 2007
Deerhunter, Silent Barn (BRO JOB SHOW), April 27, 2007
Ms. Bea's back-porch shows during SXSW 2007
Roosevelt Island Acoustic BBQ with Vampire Weekend, Dirty Projectors, Aa on Father's Day 2007
Matt & Kim, 261 Moore Street, June 22, 2007
The ones where everybody smelled like shit

OLD-SCHOOL DAN DEACON SONG TITLE OF THE YEAR

"Breast Cake Penis Sleeve"
"Fishy Wishy Foo Foo"
"My Own Face Is F Word"
"People Are Awesome These Days"
"I'm So Gay With The Boner"
"All Wet And No Boner"
"Shit Slowly Applied On Cock Parts"
"I Have AIDS"

Tonight the the PLUG 2008 Independent Music Awards will take place at Terminal 5, hosted by Patton Oswalt with performances by Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds, St. Vincent, Dizzee Rascal, José Gonzalez, The Forms, DiVinci, and guest DJ Sally Shapiro.