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iVoice: Julie Taymor Makes a Bob Seger American History Homage

Posted at 3:08 PM, May 2, 2008

Advice: don't skim this one.



MovieProducer: Julie! Julie Taymor! Good to see you, babe!

listen...


MovieProducer: "Across the Universe" is great, we all love what you did with it, buuuut, heh heh, it's old news, babe, it's been out on DVD for a while now...


MovieProducer: ...and we were just wondering, you know, if you had your next project lined up....


LionTaymor: oh, uhhhh /shuffles papers

well sure I've got all kinds of great ideas, about, uhhhh


LionTaymor: uhhh my next idea was to... was tooooo....

to take somebody else's work and color all over it?


MovieProducer: that's BEAUTIFUL! Heh heh, that's the Julie Taymor we know and love.

And we're hoping this one will be music related, too? Yes?


LionTaymor: ...oooof course! Yes! Yes of course, this one is music related, too!


MovieProducer: Outstanding! Which of music's great legends have you chosen to equate with a troubled period of American history this time?


MovieProducer: Let me guess! Bob Dylan! No, they just made his biopic... The Rolling Stones? No, couldn't be them, Scorsese covered them...


LionTaymor: /thinks about record collection growing up


**Online Host**
13 months later...

 

/fade in


Noah: /sits on a beach with purple sand, pouts

*singing* Jenny was lovely, she was the queen of my nights....


**Online Host**
Clip art of the hostage crisis in Iran mixed with footage of a typewriter mixed with footage of a piglet being dropped into a bucket of paint plays under broken audio of Jimmy Carter.


Noah: /walks down city street in vintage clothes, has modern day haircut

Jenny, what's troubling you?


Jenny: sigh, I was reading this book, but the words stopped in mid-sentence at the bottom! What.. what do I do, Noah?


Noah: "turn the page"

/turns page


Jenny: /falls in love amidst turmoil


**Online Host**
One soldier CGI'd to look like 500 soldiers march over a tiny gas station with very little gas.


Soldiers!: Out of our way, you "beautiful losers!" We're on our way to fight a WAR in "Katmandu!"


Jenny: what do you mean by that!


Noah: I think they're goin' to Katmandu!


Jenny: noah no /collapses in slow motion, hair looks like it's underwater


**Online Host**
From acclaimed director Julie Taymor, the visionary who brought you "Across the Universe" and that version of Titus where everyone is in bodypaint and helmets...


Noah: Jenny, I've got to get out of here. This war is too much war! I'm going "The Distance" and leaving the "Nutbush City Limits" at "Nine Tonight"...


Jenny: you're "Like a Rock," Noah, always running "Against the Wind"...

**Online Host**
. . . comes a story of love in the American heartland set to the era defining sounds of Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band . . .

Jenny: hey look, it's our random black friend and his Asian girlfriend
Rufus: man, you can't do this! Don't you understand we're fighting a WAR here?
Noah: I'm going to Katmandu! I can't deny this "fire inside"... and Jenny will "Accomp'ny Me!"
Jenny: noah no /cries animated tears

MaryLou: /sings a Tina Turner-esque version of "Old Time Rock n' Roll" for absolutely no fucking reason

 

**Online Host**
This mid-Autumn when nothing else is coming out, we invite you and your gay friend and his fat girl best friend to witness the motion picture event of three decades ago...

Soldiers!: Out of our way! Now that we've destroyed Katmandu, we're out to destroy ROCK AND ROLL
Jenny: noah no /runs away (in terrible perspective)
Noah: Come back, baby!
Jenny: In all of this war you've forgotten what's important in life!
Noah: ROCK AND ROLL NEVER FORGETS
 

**Online Host**
"We've Got Tonight"

This film is rated R for mild language, pervasive smoking, and occasional solarized titties.

MovieProducer: We love it, babe, but we're changing the title. We're gonna call it "Shakedown."
LionTaymor: but that compromises my artistic vision
MovieProducer: yeah, but the Beverly Hills Cop II soundtrack is a hilarious reference
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