Remember when Barack Obama won? And then at 9:22 am
on November 5, all your Facebook bros blasted Status Updates saying:

Harry Rump is January
20, 2009 party at my house! WOOO!

Turns out, they were all fucking lying. And now that Barack Obama's Big Day is less than two weeks away, and your fanciful plans about heading to DC for the MLK Day weekend were squashed when combover newscasters started warning that the entire population of MySpace is expected to storm the Capital City, your remaining options are: 1) Throw the party yourself, but no one will show up because all your friends will be shitfaced at Luke Russert's soiree; or 2) Scope out what's happening here that long weekend in New York. That's what we just did for you (and us, just in case we miss our DC-bound BoltBus)--the best non-sold-out option is a bunch of Fucked Up Canadians. Oh the irony.

Fucked Up, the best band ever to all-day headline the Bowery Rogan Store, is headlining a brutal bill of Pissed Jeans and Vivian Girls at the Market Hotel. This "INUAGURATION DAY PUNK SHOW" was originally slated for Danbro Brewery Warehouse, but has moved over for reasons we cannot reveal (hint: we don't know). There will be blood.

Animal Collective is headlining the Manhattan Center Grand Ballroom, but forget that shit now unless you already have a ticket. This show was sold out even before Merriweather Post Pavilion leaked. There will be weed.

Let's all applaud the Bell House, a venue actually planning something useful and congruous with Obama's campaign platform--namely holding a benefit for PS261. Tickets are available here and so far, the only announced performer is Karen Gibson Roc who, according to her web site, is a woman who wears artfully unlaced hightops.

33 1/3 author, former Voice podcaster/writer/staffer LD Beghtol is playing Union Hall with Locas In Love. Shhh, but we hear LD's going to do some awesomely obscure covers. [tix]

Public Assembly has something that looks boring, i.e. "A Night At The Symphony with The Avi Fox-Rosen Band Mike Savino and Friends Sxip Shirey."

No comment: Fiction Family Feat. Jon Foreman of Switchfoot and Sean Watkins of Nickel Creek will be at the Bowery Ballroom. [tix]

Also that weekend . . .

"Martin Luther King day/Obama Inauguration" at Glasslands on Sunday January 18, with Michael Patrick of Designer Drugs, DJ Mannes and Steve Lurkel of PennedMadness.com. Feel-good bonus: All door money goes to the MLK memorial fund.

The next night, Heloise & the Savoir Faire headline Glasslands with Golden Triangle. All the money goes to gay-male porn--we may or may not be kidding.

Department of Eagles play the Bowery Ballroom on Monday, January 19 with Here We Go Magic, a band whose moniker is the rock equivalent of Sum Yung Gai--a name to point out on the menu instead of saying out loud. [tix: sold out]

That same night, Cursive is headlining the Mercury Lounge [tix: sold out]

On Saturday the 17th, the Soft Pack is at Union Pool. Relevant because they used to be called the Muslims, just like Barack Obama. Jokes on you, you miserable right-bloggers who haven't stopped your smeary Google alerts.

Yeah, so far, besides Fucked Up, the non-sold-out options sorta suck. Anyone with a loft party happening, holler. We won't post the info beforehand, we'll just take pictures and put them on the Internet the next day.

And don't forget, even though it falls on a Tuesday, none of us will have jobs by the 20th, so we can all stay out late. Huzzah!