If you haven't figured it out already, Halloween is on a Saturday this year! This means a whole two nights of ghoulish punch, "scary" dance parties, and punny costumes. I've already spotted a few Michael Jacksons and Sarah Palins (SO last year!) walking the streets of the Village, and thought it only fair that we direct the misguided to the real parties this weekend. So here you go, my costumed warriors--be prepared to hear "Thriller" (or the remix) a million times.

For those of you who want to make the most of your costumes, Friday night provides a full lineup of themed, dance-y affairs. Funk-metal band Living Colour has returned from the dead and makes an appearance in NYC for their Chair in the Doorway album tour: You can catch them at Highline Ballroom for a $25 early show. (Buy tickets here.) Those of you in the mood for hip-hop, reggae, and dancehall should come say "Hi" to me and stop by my soiree at Le Poisson Rouge's Gallery bar: Rice and Peas' DJ Gravy headlines for a $5 get-down, cheaper if you RSVP here. Also at LPR is NYU's Halloween Hardcore fest: $5 ($2 if you're a student) gets you Pissed Jeans and bands covering bands. If you're inclined to "do it big," head to Webster Hall for Simian Mobile Disco and FIXED's JDH & Dave P. The event boasts a million floors, even more DJs, and a $1,000 costume prize. We wish you luck.

Saturday's lineup is overwhelming, to say the least. If you must (and we think you must), start off at the annual Village Halloween Parade -- this will be my first year, and it looks like a delightful mess of wasted grown-ups. Movin on, Pacha is a special place, one in which I'd imagine it feels like Halloween every night, so on Halloween itself beloved house god Danny Tenaglia headlines a 10-hour party. We expect you'll see many sexy angels, cats, fire hydrants, etc. Also on the EDM calendar for the night: DJ Pippi & Willie Graff go in at Cielo, Fabric's Craig Richards headlines the not-so-cleverly titled secret-venue party "Get Spooky," Spanish techno hero Paco Osuna takes over the already-creepy caverns of Love, and Berlin's Boyz Noise makes an appearance at Santos (tickets here). My pick for the night: The always-soulful Osunlade stops by S.O.B.'s for a late-night DJ set. The fellas there have been kind enough to hook us up with a pair of tickets to give away: See @soundofthecity on Twitter!

If you're in Brooklyn, the Very Best are said to be headlining Flavorpill's "Gods and Heroes" secret-location rager (including Stretch Armstrong and CMJ highlight Bajah & The Dry Eye Crew). Who knows if the visas have cleared -- regardless, your $35 will go to charity, so it's all good. Secret locations are all the rage this Halloween, as there's also this totally elaborate Masquerade thing for you electro/dubstep fiends out there. Not willing to spend more on the cover charge than you did on your Halloween costume? Try Savalas for free dance, '80s, and hip-hop jams with Money Studies' DJ Lloydski and (my favorite) Flagrant Fowl's Cousin Cole. Or hit up the Fool's Gold/Trouble & Bass rave at Europa for your share of glowsticks and a performance from the much-talked-about Kingdom. Happy Halloween.