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F2K

The 50 Worst Songs of the '00s, F2K No. 12: Disturbed, "Land of Confusion"

By Christopher Weingarten, Monday, Dec. 14 2009 @ 2:00PM
Comments (12)
Categories: Christopher R. Weingarten, Featured

F2K is a countdown of the 50 worst songs of the decade. Track our progress here.

OK, we all agree that Phil Collins is for wussies--but there's got to be some middle ground, right?

The direction of pop-metal in the '00s was forged in late 1997, when Limp Bizkit became mosquito-bitten backwards-cap Florida swamp-trash Jed Clampetts and struck moron oil via their cover of George Michael's "Faith." Leagues more intentionally goofy than its predecessor, Marilyn Manson's "Sweet Dreams," the Bizkit gloss on Michael's "Faith" was to basically admit that they loathed the source material. The combination of "ironic juxtaposition" and "secret pop star fantasies" were irresistible to Soul Patch Nation, who obviously needed some way to let off steam in between making sure we never had another Woodstock. Though--to their credit--Bizkit fans were on the ground floor of a trend, beating hipsters by like three years to the insufferable "huh huh pop songs in my music huh huh yeah" trend of craaaaazy mash-ups and YouTube videos of mayonnaise indie stars covering Xtina.

"Faith" unleashed a nu-metal pillaging of the Billboard charts circa 1981 to 1988--the era that anyone who's seen five minutes of Family Guy or Tim & Eric knows is the hack's last resort, the eight-year shortcut to instant "nostalgia lols." It's pretty much the comedic equivalent of yelling "Balki Bartokomous" in a crowded room of 30-year-olds. A brief, sad history of this trend: Orgy turned New Order into cheesy disco metal, Coal Chamber shook "Shock The Monkey" in oblivion, Dope covered "You Spin Me Round" so miserably that it made Flo Rida look like Stevie Wonder, Alien Ant Farm moonwalked all over Michael Jackson, Marilyn Manson rubbed "Tainted Love" on his taint, Korn did a grave disservice to Cameo, and people still thought this was awesome. Even at the end of the decade, when the well had been thoroughly dredged, Drowning Pool persisted in letting out a sad "Rebel Yell" to no one in particular and Seether put the "Careless" in Wham!'s "Careless Whisper."

Disturbed were the undisputed shitkings of this trend, opening this sad decade with a wallet-chain-jangling, quasi-rapped Tears For Fears cover they called "Shout 2000" in which they--no shit--sang "Ice Ice Baby" in the background. And they quickly followed it by their cover of Genesis's "Land Of Confusion," a song so bad that it makes me wish puppet Reagan actually pushed the red button and destroyed the Earth so this mutant suck spawn wouldn't be slithering without chains.

To be fair to Disturbed, the vague message 1986's "Land Of Confusion" was kind of perfect in 2005: nuclear anxiety + greedy politicians = everything is kind of fucked. But we're pretty sure Genesis never intended it to be sung by a band who allows Marine recruiters to camp outside of their stadium shows and writes "fight songs" for the troops. And adds gutteral "AHHH AHH AHHH AHHHs" for whatever reasons I cannot fathom.

I had the misfortune of seeing Disturbed twice this decade and can definitively describe frontman Dave Draiman's stage presence as "total dick." Take that as the dual meaning of "a dude who won't even look his fans in the eye as he crosses the aisle" and "a literal giant penis made up of macho posturing, outdated rock god bravado cornballism, and Tarzan-style chants." "Land Of Confusion" is the natural breaking point since its lol-ain't-the-'80s-crazy modus operandi is severely undercut by the fact that dude sings it with the histrionic wail of a Journey cover band. When I saw him do "Land Of Confusion" live he changed the lyrics to "There's too many men, and not enough pussy." I can't make this stuff up.

Superman, where are you now?

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Comments (12)

DJP says:

hahahahahaha

This is the first song on this list I like!

Posted On: Monday, Dec. 14 2009 @ 2:19PM
Kim says:

i kinda thought the ground floor for this stuff was back when RevCo covered Rod Stewart, but maybe that was in another building.

Posted On: Monday, Dec. 14 2009 @ 3:31PM
Shawn says:

I've gotta admit, I kinda like this one, too. But, I also really liked the original when I was ten years old. So, maybe that's got someting to do with it.

Posted On: Monday, Dec. 14 2009 @ 8:31PM
Jim says:

Don't forget that In Flames did a metal cover of Land Of Confusion years before Disturbed did. So they managed to rip-off a cover, which is really saying something.

Posted On: Tuesday, Dec. 15 2009 @ 8:19AM
GartenWein says:

'...I had the misfortune of seeing Disturbed twice this decade and can definitively describe frontman Dave Draiman's stage presence as "total dick"...'
- Christopher Weingarten

- nothing says 'dick' more than a pop-metal fan writing about how 'suck' pop-metal is, now that he's realized (too late) how 'suck' it's always been.


'...when I saw him do "Land Of Confusion" live he changed the lyrics to "There's too many men, and not enough pussy." I can't make this stuff up...'
- Christopher Weingarten

- not only does this show that Chris was paying attention (which was his second 'Disturbed sucks!' FAIL), I'm sure you threw goats and hi-fived your sideways baseball cap-wearing bromances, d00d, when you heard it live.

Chris, you're a douche.

Posted On: Wednesday, Dec. 23 2009 @ 9:52AM
Dave says:

It's your right not to love a particular band or the "personnage", the frontman, but look, I dont know how old you writers are (probably really old), in 1986 when I guess this song first came out of phil colin's mouth, I was like 3 years old. So there's no way I could have got into it.. not my kind of music, it's way to slow and its just way too 80s. One thing you might have to understand about covers and how they can be useful to music in general, is the ability to transmit it to a new generation of people that otherwise would never have guessed that it was good. I mean before you told me here that this song was from phil colin, I had no clue (probably because this version -to my ears- is waaaaayyyy nicer). You seem to hate covers so much that I'm almost afraid of mentionning a band name that only do covers, and that I hold responsible for openning my eyes to much older stuff, really old songs, you know 50s, 60s and 70s songs that I would have overlooked if I had heard the original version first. This is stuff I came to like because a heavier/faster version had got me on their path. This band is Me first and the gimme gimmies.

You know, I can understand that if you heard and liked an original version on it's first hours of glory, you may think that these old "gems" arranged in today's fashion are garbage. But please don't go thinking that you hold the only truth, music is only a matter of taste. Thus your taste and opinion is no better and no more true than any other out there. I often wonder what is the relevance or music critics in general. why should one care about your particular opinion about a song?

Posted On: Sunday, Dec. 27 2009 @ 4:57PM
kios says:

Disturbed are fun to listen to, but they are definitely a joke. When their debut came out, i remember thinking it sounded the nu-metal equivalent of hair metal. it's pure poser rock, and in 09 especially, it's completely out of date, but they are a guilty pleasure of mine.


"Thus your taste and opinion is no better and no more true than any other out there. I often wonder what is the relevance or music critics in general. why should one care about your particular opinion about a song?"

this is coming from a guy that just previously said that he couldn't listen to a piece of music because it was 'too 80's? I'll tell you what critics can offer that somebody like you can't: balance. as well as some objectivity.

Posted On: Tuesday, Dec. 29 2009 @ 3:50PM
Rawr says:

Um... Kios... the fact that Dave up there said a song was too "80's" is an opinion, and one that he was not trying to pass off as fact.

He was trying to make a point that music is totally subjective.

This music reviewer is not being balanced, nor is he being really objective.

I'm intrigued, however; what kind of objectivity do you think a reviewer can offer?

Besides stating their opinion of a song, all they can do is elaborate on why...

And, as in this particular case, the reasoning is usually horribly, horribly stupid. He's bashing the song simply because it's a remake, and then tells us everything he arbitrarily hates about Disturbed.

And it's a persons right to state their opinion; just... I wouldn't try and pass it off as being more legitimate than any others.

Particularly in this case.

Posted On: Wednesday, Dec. 30 2009 @ 5:57AM
aho says:

this is the first song i heard be Disturbed and when i heard this song Disturbed came on of my favorite bands... and this song is good i like is better then the original

Posted On: Wednesday, Dec. 30 2009 @ 11:03AM
rob says:

I really don't mind this version. Maybe I just HATE Phil Collins that much...

Posted On: Thursday, Dec. 31 2009 @ 1:50PM
E-Mac says:

Seether's Careless Whisper is MUCH MUCH worse.
I would never see Disturbed live unless it was in Chicago. They are from Illinois and always give Chicago a great show and phone it in the rest of their shows (for whatever lame reason)

Posted On: Saturday, Jan. 16 2010 @ 1:41PM
BMcNeal says:

Let me see if I understand...Disturbed was so bad that you saw them a second time? I am confused here: Did you not expect them to suck ass the second time around, considering that they did so the first?

I personally have never seen the band. My comment is more geared toward the expectation that the would miraculously not be tools the second time around.

Posted On: Monday, Jan. 25 2010 @ 2:48PM

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