We Should Be Less Cynical About Albums That (Want to) Change The World

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One of the most talked about songs on Taylor Swift's Speak Now was a ditty called "Mean," which my BFF Theon Weber focused on in-depth in his review for this paper.

"It's chipper and funny, because the narrator is predicting escape from someone she dislikes: 'Some day, I'll be living in a big ol' city/ And all you're ever gonna be is mean.' And then, slipped in casually, a glimpse of the submerged shadow: 'Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me.'"

This was early enough that it hadn't caught wind yet that Swift had been quoted as saying the song was actually about the unthinkable: infamous music industry blogger Bob Lefsetz.

See also: We Should Be More Cynical About Albums Claiming to Change the World

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The Comments on Beyoncé's Instagram in Support of Gay Marriage Are Very Mature

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If you've been following Beyoncé on Instagram you know she's gone HARD in support of gay marriage these last couple days, even making the emptiest of gestures the incredibly bold, impossibly brave choice to post the ubiquitous pink equality = on her account (pictured above). It's a big step from the avowed Christian who named her baby and latest track after a famous Bible verse * (1 Chrysanthemums 12:16 - "And with a fist full of blue ivy, Lord God did shout down from the mountaintop to his subjects, 'Bow down, Bitches!'") In a day and a half the pic has 175,763 <3s, and many of its over 5,000 comments, as you can imagine, are amazing; delicate and subtle understandings of the true nature of Man, religion and why we do what we do. This is Instagram, remember, so no one leaving comments is anonymous. You can look through photos of their most cherished moments and favorite sandwiches, should you so desire. Naturally, that kind of exposure has heightened the debate and kept things civil.

* Source: Wikipedia

See also: Beyoncé Isn't Perfect, and That's A Relief


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Let's Get All Internet-y on Justin Timberlake's The 20/20 Experience

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Oh, what's up JT? Nice of you to join us over here in the music world again. You abandoned us in 2006 after Future Sex/Love Sounds--quick note: that was seven years ago, and seven years is roughly the age of a first grader, so we are now a first grader's life away from the previous JT record--but that's okay, because you're back. You told us a few months ago that you felt "inspired" (or, maybe, a contract you signed obligated you) to make new music. Some people were stoked. Others weren't. But regardless, here we are, and your third studio album The 20/20 Experience--currently streaming on iTunes--is set to hit shelves on Tuesday. It's a hodgepodge of sonic trends over the past few years, and will probably take some time to fully absorb, process, and understand. But, because this is the year 2013 and this is the Internet, let's prematurely evaluate the hell out of it, shall we?

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Lil Wayne, Future, and the Ouroboros of Defensive Trendhumpery

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This is a photo of Lil Wayne
If you pay attention to the Rap Internet, you are probably up to your elbows in people slinging the term "Appropriation" around, mostly in the context of the Harlem Shake meme. Even more loosely, people have been talking about what the idea of "ownership" in hip-hop actually, like, means these days. If you want to get caught up to quite literally the rhetorical end of it, just read this thing by Jon Caramanica in the New York Times, which basically explains that rap music is a land of messy boundaries that are becoming more and more blurred, and no amount of finger-wagging and thinkpiecing (including half-joking ones that I write) are going to change anything.

See also: Baauer & Just Blaze - Webster Hall - 2/15/13

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Kelly Clarkson Says Clive Davis Lied About Her Career In His New Memoir

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As you may be well aware, music industry bean counter Clive Davis is currently doing the big publicity push for his new memoir, The Soundtrack of My Life. In it, the 80-year-old Davis comes out of the closet. Sorta. He's taken lovers of both the male and female persuasion, and he considers himself a bisexual. It's a state of being, he told Nightline's Cynthia McFadden last night, which is unfairly dismissed, and should be studied further. Here to now, this has been the big news from the book. That is, until about half an hour ago. That's when Kelly Clarkson took to the internet to say Clive Davis lied in the book about her career. And you know what? We believe her.

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Advice For Aspiring Music Writers: Don't Quit, Just Don't Suck

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The funny thing about Luke O'Neil's article earlier this week (titled "Advice For Aspiring Music Writers: Quit Now") is that "quit now" was the exact answer I gave when someone asked me last year what I would tell to a high school class of aspiring writers. My "quit now" was borne from a frustration that stemmed equally from both my own occasional tendency toward extreme negativity and my burning desire to be able to afford to eat something more than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich once a day. It was borne from the fact that I was watching peers get $80k/year jobs at banks while I kept a mental tally of how much money was in my bank account so that I knew whether I would overdraw at the ATM trying to line my pocket with twenty bucks. It was borne from the idea that, if somebody told me to quit what I wanted to do at that age, I would tell them to politely go fuck themselves and keep working at it, and file it away for a big "fuck you" after I got there.

See also: Advice for Aspiring Music Writers: Quit Now

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Maybe You Should Give British Rap A Chance?

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RAP GAME DOWNTON ABBEY
About fifteen million years ago on the Internet (a/k/a at the beginning of January of this year), my friend Skinny Friedman issued an errant tweet claiming something to the effect of, "Grime is going to be big in 2013." Though he was joking (I think?), that got me thinking. I can see where he's coming from--Grime comes from England, where there's little between dance music, hip-hop and straight pop music. In an America where Skrillex has beats on A$AP Rocky albums, Hudson Mohawke is getting work with Kanye, and Pitbull went from rapping about slinging yayo over Lil Jon beats to slinging Bud Light while rapping over David Guetta, we've basically got cats and dogs living together, musically speaking. Additionally, every single day hip-hop becomes more accepting of global styles, specifically Dancehall: it seems that there's always room for a Dancehall single or two on rap radio, and you can hear its vocal effects and sonic drive in the work of Future (who T-Pain just anointed as the next T-Pain by getting mad at him on Instagram). But while America kinda-sorta likes Dancehall and Britain really likes Dancehall to the point where the two styles are basically two sides of the same coin, for whatever reason Grime hasn't crossed over to these here shores.

See also: GRIME TIME - Dizzee Rascal continues to boggle minds

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Critics Need to Lay Off Macklemore

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The recently-crowned number one song in the country, as you probably know, is a Seattle-based white independent hip-hop artist's ode to shopping at thrift stores. I'm not sure exactly how the stars aligned and/or what Illuminati clerical error caused it to happen, but "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis has found a wide audience. This has subsequently resulted in their album The Heist debuting at number two on Billboard, which has subsequently made a lot of critics and rap purists sick (and not in like, the good way).

See also: Five Rappers Fans Love That Critics Can't Stand

From Spin's Brandon Soderberg's "Stop Saying Nice Things About Macklemore's 'Thrift Shop'" to critic Chris Weingarten getting all Joseph McCarthy on critics who included it in their Pazzes and Jops ("in case you were looking for a short list of people not to trust with having opinions..."), the rapper has become a musical punching bag.

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In Defense of fun. and the Sublime Blandness They Do So Well

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Hey, man! What are YOU doing Saturday night? Wanna go to Radio City Music Hall with me and watch motherfucking fun.? Wait, where are you going? Dude, why'd you just unfriend me on Facebook? I just tried to email you and it bounced. I thought we were best friends, and now you're acting like you barely even know me.

But, like, okay. Here's why you should see fun. with me tomorrow, or at least not be actively mad that me and eight gazillion other people are gonna go see them.

See also: Will The Chart-Topping Success Of fun.'s "We Are Young" Break Pop-House's Top 40 Stranglehold?,

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Those "Influential" Albums Being Discussed on Facebook? They're Garbage

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The Chameleons: more influential than Ray Charles and James Brown combined
Influentialalbums.com is a "quiz" one of your Facebook friends might've posted, boasting "Very few people own 70 or more. How many have you got?" and listing 100 albums ranging from the duh (Blonde on Blonde, Pet Sounds) to the hmmm (Gerry Rafferty? Felt??) to the genuinely bizarre (well, see below). The most obvious thing that stands out is the list doesn't claim to be only "rock" albums, but other genres are represented with just one thing apiece. The staggering amount of white people makes a Rolling Stone list look like a Complex list. No one knows where this thing comes from, although selections like Super Furry Animals are a dead giveaway that the "quiz"/list/viralbait is probably of British origin. Still, it's a pretty astonishingly bloodless compendium (hint: the jazz album ain't Miles, Monk or Coltrane). So here's a futile attempt to corral the most bizarre inclusions and exclusions. Hopefully chanting "For Emma, Forever Ago" three times at a mirror will banish this thing from whence it came.

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