​This weekend, the Internet was abuzz with reports from Wyclef Jean and his people that the ex-Fugee and former Haitian presidential candidate had been shot in the hand while campaigning for fellow performer Michel "Sweet Micky" Martelly in Port-Au-Prince. Well, "grazed" by a bullet. Or was it just a piece of broken glass? According to Jean, the bullet grazed his hand after he stepped out of his car to make a phone call. "I heard blow, blow, blow, and I just looked at my hand," he said. Haitian officials, however, beg to differ. "We met with the doctor who saw him and he confirmed Wyclef was cut by glass," reported police chief Vanel Lacroix.

Gunshot, glass--either way, on the eve of an important election for Haiti, the event was inconsequential at best. It was also, however, the latest in a long string of attention-grabbing mis- and half-truths to emerge from Jean's camp. Have we already forgotten about Yele Haiti? Or his non-existent Creole? Below, a brief history of Wyclef's casual relationship to the truth.

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​Thankfully, Wyclef Jean's run for the Haitian presidency is now finished. According to everyone but Wyclef Jean, anyway. The former Fugee remains unbowed--or, if you prefer, still entirely delusional--and on Wednesday, he posted to Twitter a song he described as "contesting the CEP, in Creole," referring to the electoral board that barred his run. That the song was in Creole was, some speculated, an attempt to prove to the world he actually spoke one of Haiti's two most common languages, after his former bandmate Pras had alleged to Vulture that Clef's "Creole is similar to Jackie Chan's English -- no disrespect to Jackie Chan." (No one disputes the fact that Jean speaks zero French, the official language of government business in Haiti.) But the song being in Creole also presented translation difficulties for one of Jean's biggest constituencies--Americans who like the Fugees. Luckily, Newsweek just came through with a translation. It turns out "Lucifer is in control of the CEP"!

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​Well, this will surely be awkward when Sean Penn and Wyclef Jean have to share whatever inevitable Haiti-relief benefit stage in six months from now. Hours after Haiti's electoral council knocked out Wyclef's appeal of their ruling that he couldn't run for their presidency--because he hadn't lived in the country for the requisite five years, and also because, we like to think, he was utterly unqualified for the job--Sean Penn took to the Huffington Post, where he reiterated that "the real and devastating human issues in Haiti must be handled and led by a qualified president's deft hand," not "His Excellency Wyclef Jean." Also: "It is, it seems, folly for we Americans to assume 'our Haitian' is their answer, simply because we enjoy the sense of identification we may feel, or are paid to espouse." Then he makes fun of Clef's non-existent French and Jackie Chan-esque Creole. So remember that, when the two are dueting on "Haiti Mon Amour" for charity next year in front of an embarrassed television audience. [Huffington Post]

Despite the fact that a Haitian electoral board ruled late Friday night that Wyclef Jean was ineligible to run for the country's presidency--presumably because he doesn't meaningfully live in Haiti at all, though the board didn't give a reason--Jean has now decided to appeal the decision. After, that is, declaring just two and half days ago: "I respectfully accept the committee's final decision." Not anymore! He's since directed his lawyers to appeal the ruling to Haiti's national electoral dispute office, because he has a document ''which shows everything is correct," according to the AP. That must be some document!

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Rene Preval, Haiti's inept past, shaking hands with Wyclef Jean, a man who hopefully will have nothing to do with Haiti's future.

​And so the world's greatest publicity stunt/most irresponsible political campaign ends, not with an election but with a piece of paper, one that has many names on it but not, mercifully, that of Wyclef Jean. Reuters is reporting that a Haitian electoral official has seen the list of eligible candidates and has informed them that Jean "is not on the list." Thank god. It turns out that you cannot in fact run for the presidency of a country you have not meaningfully lived in for the past five years. Even if your dysfunctional, tax-cheating charity does business there; even if you once donned a frilly shirt and posed proudly next to a domesticated lion on a carnival float paid for by said charity. The Haitian electoral board will formally release the list later today; at the moment, Clef remains undaunted, and oblivious, which is pretty much how he's been throughout this mockery of a campaign:

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​Well, so much for this saga ending any time soon. Though the Haitian elections board was scheduled to rule yesterday on whether or not Wyclef Jean was even eligible to run for the presidency of a country he has no business being in charge of, officials announced late last night that they'd be postponing their decision until Friday. Meanwhile Jean sent the AP a "flurry of emails" claiming that he had gone into hiding in a "secret location" in response to phone calls he was getting telling him to leave the country. Jean shouldn't feel too special: his former bandmate turned antagonist Pras Michel--who belittled Jean's American-accented, Jackie Chan-sque Creole ("no disrespect to Jackie Chan") to Vulture yesterday--also seems to have received similar threats:

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​Today, the Haitian elections board is expected to announce whether Wyclef Jean is eligible to run for the country's presidency. Hopefully, he isn't. (A five consecutive year Haitian residency requirement is what's standing between him and the race; how loosely the board interprets "residency" will determine whether or not he can run.) In the meantime, the New York Times did some digging, talking to some people in Haiti and revisiting the now infamous $250,000 2006 payment from Yele Haiti, Jean's charity, to Telemax, a television station Jean owned. The money, the Times now alleges, was paid to cover up the fact that Wyclef had already spent it--on a carnival float, "a frilly blouse and gilded epaulettes" to wear while on it, and a lion, to pose next to.

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​Wyclef Jean, as the world now knows, is running for the Haitian presidency. He's doing so despite a complete lack of political experience, a checkered financial past, major accounting and tax problems with his NGO, Yele Haiti, dubious Haitian residency, and the lack of an endorsement from fellow Fugee Pras, who is voting for the other musician in the burgeoning race. (Sean Penn is also not on board.) Here is Jean's first campaign video:

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So now it's even more official: after confirming to the New York Times yesterday that he was running for the Haitian presidency, Wyclef Jean went on CNN last night to formally announce his campaign. Don't vote for him. Meanwhile, NPR questions whether he's even eligible to run, and the international humanitarian Sean Penn is "very suspicious" of Jean's intentions. Most damning? 'Clef's own cousin and former fellow Fugee Pras has already endorsed another candidate. He's voting for Michel Martelly, another sometime Haitian musician, because Martelly "is the most competent candidate for the job." But it's not like Pras would know what kind of job Jean would do running a complex, multi-million dollar enterprise, right? [Vote No On Wyclef Jean]

Wyclef Jean opens NASDAQ on the six month anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti. Photo via Yele Haiti.

​So it's official: Wyclef Jean is running for the Haitian presidency. The former Fugee confirmed the news to the New York Times last night; later today, he's expected to go on Larry King Live and make it official. In between, he'll fly to the still earthquake-torn country and register with the Haitian Elections Board. The election to replace the outgoing, not particularly effective René Préval will take place on November 28th. Hopefully, not a single person in the country will vote for Jean.

This should be obvious: he's a musician, not a politician. What little experience Jean does have running an organization that doesn't include Lauryn Hill and Pras has mostly involved Yele Haiti, the well intentioned but administratively catastrophic charity that raised $9.1 million in the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti--money it had no infrastructure, experience, or premeditated plan to dispense. But since Jean's bid is being taken seriously--both in and outside the country--we felt compelled to come up with a list of reasons why you shouldn't vote for him. Sorry 'Clef, but this is ridiculous:

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