The 10 Best Songs by Bad Musicians

Categories: Lists

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Via Wiki Commons
Stopped clocks are right twice a day. Geoffrey Arend is married to Christina Hendricks. Performance artists get federal funding. Canada is south of Detroit. People wear Google Glass and think they look awesome. Some things you just can't explain, like how really shitty bands occasionally luck into recording splendid songs. To wit, here are the 10 greatest songs ever recorded by not-so-great musicians:

See also: Six Punk Bands We Don't Need To Talk About Anymore

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The Approved 4th of July Playlist for Real Americans

Categories: Lists

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This 4th of July weekend, when you're throwing your dogs and your burgs and your watermelons and your corns and your sausages and your Budweisers on the grill, someone at some point is going to pop some tunes on the old jambox to really get the Que cranked to 11. But, given the importance of the weekend to anyone who cares about true independence, only certain artists are appropriate to play. Here now is the approved 4th of July playlist for real Americans. Play anything else and risk deportation.

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Five NYC Artists With New and Upcoming Releases

Categories: Lists

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Photo by Laura June Kirsch
Hand Job Academy
New York's hot, sticky summer is here and with it some fresh new tunes. Below are a few of our picks from local music makers we're listening to this season.

See also: NYC's Top 10 Rising Female-Fronted Bands

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Six Musicians Who Should've Been Pro Wrestlers Instead

Categories: Lists

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Carnivore
Did you watch the most recent Wrestlemania? I didn't. I also haven't had a Mountain Dew in seven years. I guess this means I'm finally an real adult, which means I should do the mature thing and write a list for an audience of people who are mostly hung-over and sitting in cubicles. Instead, I'll be tackling the topic that's obviously been on everyone's minds: music acts that should have been performing on the wrestling mat instead of the stage.

See also: Six Punk Bands We Don't Need To Talk About Anymore

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The 23 Most Fantastically Quotable Lines From Riff Raff's New Album Neon Icon

Categories: Lists

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Riff Raff and young Jody Husky

Enter this one in the annals of rap -- today Riff Raff released his long-mooted and often-delayed studio debut album, Neon Icon. Dropping via Diplo's Mad Decent stable, the 15-track project brims with Jody Highroller's now trademark bedazzled brags. Here's your handy run-through of Neon Icon's most quintessentially Riff Raffian boasts, capped at 23 in honor of his jones for Jordans. (Spoiler: Allusions to bi-curious mermaids, $1,000 ham steaks, and David Hasselhoff's hair ensue.)

See also: Riff Raff: "We Are Getting Special Cases That Glow in the Dark"


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10 Rules of Mosh Pit Etiquette

Categories: Lists

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All illustrations by Dave Watt
In my years attending punk and metal shows, often as the only one with a pen and pad in the middle, I've noticed there are a few unwritten rules when participating in a mosh pit. The seemingly amorphous fits of aggression that explode from the center of certain crowds have some unspoken guidelines to keep in mind if you wish to engage properly with the spirit of violence.

Here are our 10 rules of mosh pit etiquette.

See also: 10 Things the Door Guy Hates About You

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Six Rules for Sharing a Practice Space

Categories: Lists

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Flickr
Mixing business with pleasure is a dirty game, isn't it? While necessary, practice spaces exemplify the tension that comes with sharing a small area with a number of personal friends and acquaintances. It's like living in a tiny house with eight other unbalanced roommates. Between paying rent, keeping the space clean and organized, and having to occasionally text a friend and ask them if you can use a guitar strap, there are a multitude of dicey situations you can find yourself in.

To help alleviate some common headaches associated with sharing a space, we've compiled a short guide to help you navigate through some potentially tenuous and troublesome situations with your fellow musicians.

See also: Six Punk Bands We Don't Need To Talk About Anymore

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The 10 Biggest Douchebags in Country Music

Categories: Lists

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Courtesy of the label
Mainstream country music gets an unfair rap as being universally over-polished and formulaic, a notion that artists like Kacey Musgraves and Eric Church obliterate
every time they strap on their guitars. But there's a granule of truth to the stereotype, and a particularly damaging sub-genre -- known as bro-country" -- is lending it far too much credibility right now.

Booze, chicks, jacked-up pickups, extreme redneck sports, spring break -- artists like Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line, and even Blake Shelton are leaning way too heavily on such
themes 
in their music these days, and the entire trope can be summed up in one
word: douchey. Yet bro-country isn't the only brand of 'baggery currently afflicting Nashville. No, douchebags are a diverse lot, and here are the 10 biggest 'bags currently cranking out (s)hits in Music City today:

See also: The 10 Douchiest Drummers of All Time


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5 Craziest Things Fucked Up Vocalist Damian Abraham Has Ever Done

Categories: Lists, Tonight

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Photo by Laura June Kirsch

There will be fewer raucous ways to enjoy some live music Friday night than running over to the Bowery Ballroom (6 Delancey Street) to catch riotous Toronto hardcore sextet Fucked Up. Stories of the band's onstage wrecking sprees are legendary and well-documented, but at the heart of all the insanity is vocalist Damian Abraham (a.k.a. Pink Eyes, a.k.a. Mr. Damian). To build up to this evening's lunacy then, here are the most fucked up things Fucked Up vocalist Damian Abraham has ever done.

See also: Six Punk Bands We Don't Need To Talk About Anymore

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Non Phixion: Diggin' in the Vault With the Underground Rap Heroes

Categories: Lists

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Courtesy of Uncle Howie Records

Twelve years ago, Non Phixion released the underground rap manifesto The Future Is Now. Consisting of the emcees Ill Bill, Goretex, and Sabac Red, plus the turntable talents of DJ Eclipse, the quartet resonated like a squad of rugged rap anti-heroes who weaved talk of conspiracy theories and government-funded ruses with street-centric barbs while downing copious drug-infused cocktails. This fiery blend was backed by production split between Bill's brother Necro and a roster that almost mirrors Illmatic's with DJ Premier, Pete Rock, Large Professor and Juju also blessing the boards. The album's potency stands up today -- and it's recently been given the deluxe reissue treatment by the folks over at Get On Down.

See also: Onyx Reminisce About The Tunnel: "Blood and Moet on the Floor!"


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