"I'm not saying don't drink. Just don't do 13 shots out of a bowling ball. The guy peeing where he's standing? That's a problem."
—O.A.R. manager Dave Roberge on the rowdy fans that helped his charges get banned from the Jones Beach Theater after a particularly rowdy show where 20 drunk teenagers got arrested in the Wall Street Journal's look at the fan-control efforts recently put forth by Roberge and other bands. Among them is a policy that "demands that fans refrain from fighting, doing illegal drugs, wielding laser pens and drinking underage"; it's known as "Don't Be That Guy/Girl," which is a reference to the old PCU joke about not wearing a band's t-shirts to that same band's gig. My, how party fouls have changed since the dawn of the alt-rock era. Maybe selling more smart drinks would help stem the tide of alcohol seepage into the brain? OK, so they tasted like chalk, but still.

The Four Loko Protest And/Or Vigil, Starring Anamanaguchi
Union Square Park
Wednesday, November 17

Better Than: Going down without a fight.

Even before New York banned Four Loko, the energy drink that supplements the caffeine equivalent of three cups of coffee with taurine, guarana, wormwood, and 12-percent ABV, the threat of such a ban had been looming for months. Momentum really started to build by late September, after a new batch of 17- and 18-year-old incoming freshmen found the drink waiting for them at their respective college campuses. Still, few were prepared for the official announcement, and no one could have anticipated the public outcry that has followed. That outcry culminated last night with the Four Loko candlelight vigil, held at Union Square.

Rap music has had a long history of product endorsement, and although these tributes to the controversial malt energy drink Four Loko ("Loke" for short) may recall the St. Ides commercials of the early '90s, these songs follow more in the tradition of the Pack's "Vans." The next generation's Lil B and Young L don't appear to be lurking on any of these tracks, but they're still a great way to celebrate the delicious (arguably), mind-numbing (definitely), and legal (at least for now) alcoholic beverage that is Four Loko.

Guess which one is Chris.

After a five-hour jaunt through various LES watering holes, downing beers and knocking back shots while grilling guttural-throated bawler/guitarist Chris Spencer of Herculean noise-rock face rippers Unsane, yours truly ended the night on the pavement, covered in my own puke, outside Fifth Street dive Ace Bar. Thankfully, my recorder and I somehow made it home intact.

Jones Beach

With the Rihanna/Ke$ha bill already announced for Nikon at Jones Beach Theater this summer, a pop-superheroine double-threat that Nicki Minaj sadly abandoned, there was a momentary glimmer of possibility that the Lon Guyland outdoor amphitheater's other bookings would give metropolitan lollygaggers another reason to voyage to the land of camera sponsorships and alcohol-free concerts. Take in the spectacle, breathe fresh air, not smell decaying rats, etc. Not exactly.

A little over a month ago, Baltimore primal-noise collective Teeth Mountain set the internet on fire with a dubiously outrageous appearance on Judge Judy. Teeth Mountain co-founder Kate Levitt, 24, alleged that Jonathan Coward of SHAMS got so drunk he smashed a TV and killed her cat. What followed was a riotous mess: Judge Judy reprimanding Kate multiple times for being fidgety in the courtroom; leather-jacketed longhair Jonathan denying the feline-murder charge by saying, "I was pretty wasted, but I don't think I've ever killed a cat"; Jonathan's character witness and "ex-boyfriend" Brian Blomerth a/k/a Narwhalz (of Sound) zinging Judge Judy after she impatiently shushed him ("Alright, mama"); Blomerth later accusing "filthy" Kate of leaving her underwear on the counter; Levitt's roommate/bandmate/witness Andrew Burt looking into the camera at the end of the show and summing the whole thing up, "I feel like my whole life is ridiculous."

Nate "Igor" Smith

The Death Set at SXSW 2010. Guess the puker.

Mad Decent, Jelly, and I Heart Comix joined brand forces during South By SXSW to throw a three-day Austin Carniville, a main-stage show space encircled with candy apples, a funnel-cake booth, and a roving pink monster. Major Lazer headlined on Saturday, and Rebecca Smeyne's photos of an airborne Skerrit Bwoy attest to the night's insanity. But how must the craziness have compared to Friday afternoon, when Johnny Siera, firecracker frontman of spaz-rock trio the Death Set, actually puked on an audience member? Yeah, it happened, though he's sorry.

No idea what the marketing rep responsible for this was thinking, but tonight from 7:30 to 9:30 pm, there is a pre-release "jukebox listening party" for the new Gorillaz record Plastic Beach . . . at the Greenpoint Tavern. The Greenpoint Tavern (aka "GPT") is, for the unitiated, a divey, kitschily decorated clubhouse on Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg that's been around for more than 50 years; 75 per cent of the bartending staff is older than that. On weekend nights, the place's proximity to North 7th tends to make it a victim of hipster-tourist "douchebaggery," which might be the sort of scene a sticker-packing street team would want. But on Mondays, there're usually 10 to 15 people in the GPT, about three of them are under 40, and they're all yelling about Wheel of Fortune. So much luck to the music-biz intern who'll be forced to explain to a room of guys nicknamed Cold Cuts and Fat Anthony and Frankie Chips that they're listening to music from cartoon characters. Major labels, FTW!

At first we though all these news stories circulating today about Diddy distributing $15 pre-paid taxi cards for drunken New Year's Eve cab rides home and even more hilariously, $2.25 one-way subway cards, were based on a year-old article of ours that seems to have been making the rounds lately. But VIBE's Linda Hobbs seems to have confirmed independently that Diddy's Safe Rides program will be back for another go tomorrow in both New York and Las Vegas. "As the 'Official Vodka of New Year's Eve,' we made a huge impact last year helping New York get home safely," Diddy told VIBE, alluding to the Circoc brand vodka he partially owns and endorses, vodka which is somehow made from grapes instead of desperate and sad Russian potatoes. "So I'm proud to announce that we're bringing Safe Rides back in an even bigger way. By bringing this program to both of these great cities we will continue to show the rest of the country that a sophisticated holiday celebration doesn't end when the ball drops, but when everyone gets home safely." Sophisticated, eh? Spoken like a man who's never been in the back of the cab on the morning after New Year's Eve. [VIBE]