"Getting ready to tear this bitch down!!! Funk Flex!!! Mean!!! Webster hall!!!"

Those familiar with Funkmaster Flex, Hot 97's nighttime DJ and the one man Jay-Z and Kanye West trusted to break Watch the Throne lead single "Otis," know that on top his love for boom bap and muscle cars, Flex is something of a tech dork, fiending for the newest tablets and phones, blogging at inflexwetrust.com, and bragging on air about his Twitter followers and Facebook friends. Two months ago, however, he added another social network, joining Instagram (the self-described "fun & quirky way to share your life with friends through a series of pictures") and amassing nearly 20,000 followers who are greeted throughout the day with photos of everything from Flex's kids to his computer screen.

To outsiders, this mass of images might seem daunting, but upon closer inspection, it turns out to be as good an introduction to the life of our Best Radio DJ in New York as his 60 Minutes of Funk mixtape series was to Tunnel-era rap. For this reason, we're jumping off Flex's most recent post, a low angle shot of his dentist preparing to clean his teeth, with the caption "Dr. Feldman getting in crazy!!! Dentist time !!!!!," and bringing you this brief beginner's guide to an Instagram account that's as singular as its owner.

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There's no getting around it, this is LCD Soundsystem week. Buy your tickets on Craigslist and be scorned by James Murphy forever if you must--sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

But hey, other things are happening this week too! Tropical dance fete Que Bajo?! has relocated to a new home for their Thursday night getdown, taking over the main space of Le Poisson Rouge tonight, March 31. The party features cumbia, salsa, dancehall, kuduro, moombahton, Latin house, and other warm weather tunes--expect to sweat for real. GHE20 G0TH1K maven Venus X joins residents Geko Jones and Uproot Andy for a special "old school reggaeton" set, while Houston's Panchitron provides more of a Latin house groove. Venus X does not mess around when it comes to queer nightlife (check this Twitter fight with Diplo), so be prepared for the onslaught of her intensely dancing party regulars. We've seen epically emboldened salsa queens flit around the dance floor, recruiting partners out of wallflowers--standing in the background is not really an option. Que Bajo is for dancing, especially tonight. Tickets are $10 in advance.

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all photos by Nate "Igor" Smith

Not sure what good being in the front-row does with a greasy DJ, but here it is

Another Friday, another night of organized debauchery at Webster Hall's club night, Girls & Boys. This time, the man on the decks was MSTRKRFT's Jesse F. Keeler, who goes by JFK solo. According to our camera on the scene, it was a zillion degrees at Webster Hall that night, but otherwise, as far as these things go, this one looks pretty standard: pumped fists, hugging dolled-up ladies, women stripped down to bras. All yours below.

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Dinner With the Band guest and Santos' co-owner Andrew W.K., Food Party creator Thu Tran‎, and Dinner With the Band chef Sam Mason

The second season of the Williamsburg-produced Dinner With the Band, a show that's title conveniently functions as elevator pitch, airs tonight at 10:30 pm on IFC. Hosted by Tailor chef Sam Mason--whose tattooed right-sleeve and messily sculpted faux-hawk get as much attention as his stint as WD-50's pastry magician--Dinner With the Band pairs a NYC restaurant-world blog-celeb whose creations wincingly get compared to "rock-and-roll on a plate" with blog-celeb musicians. As conceived by Finger on the Pulse twins Darin and Greg Bresnitz, Mason and his guests stand around a spotless, sparkling kitchen, banter casually about road-food stories, and prepare personalized dishes (Les Savy Pheasant, Sharon Steaks and the Dap Rings with Red Eye Gravy). Through the magic of post-production, the performers play songs as the meal cooks--and wha la, you have a web-to-television show.

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Roxy Cottontail, with friends

Further evidence that the dudes in Ninjasonik never stay home: DJ Teen Wolf spotted at Roxy Cottontail's Wild Cottontales party Monday at Sway, along with a circle of serious Kid Sister Pro-Nails jawns. You are clearly not doing anything else this evening besides surfing the Internet and digging into your NetFlix pile tonight, so you might as well take a gander at these photos of what would be your life if you actually bothered. (Full set here by Nate "Igor" Smith, select few after the jump.) Warning: vaguely disturbing cleavage shot down deep there. Don't worry, it's safe for work, just not your brain.

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We're not even 24 hours into the Loso's Way era and already people are eating. Glad to see it!

all photos by Nate "Igor" Smith

This guy interns in our Books department. Then again, maybe not.

Dance Class, a Thursday-night party emceed by resident DJs Prince Terrence, Blu Jemz, and Dances With White Girls has been attracting people wanting to dance with white girls (and other kinds of girls) for months to the Studio at Webster Hall. It's the sort of Roxy Cottontail-approved throwdown where on any given week, an "exclusive disco make-up" artist gets nearly as prominent flyer-billing as the special nerd-rap likes of special guest star Juiceboxx--not exactly your average B.O.-bombed Thursday at Death by Audio. Last night, Dance Class moved permanently over to the 205 Club on the Lower East Side, and while our intrepid pawty portrait man Igor reports that "it was much better than Webster," nobody got hurt, if you know what we mean. Cute girls and Reverend McFly of crunk-punk loopy-flow crew Ninjasonik showed, but there were no Doves crying--if you wanted that, my friend, you should have been at Terminal 5.

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