Oh Great, The First Piece Of SEO Pop Regarding The Past Day's Events Has Arrived

This cat is embarrassed on all our behalf.
"SEO Pop," for those of you who might be confused by the genre named by pop-lyric scholar Andy Hutchins, is the umbrella term given to those songs about bleeding-edge-current topics that are released via the speedy dissemination tools offered by the Internet, whether they're covers of currently popular tracks or riffs on the day's most-searched-upon news; they're frequently used by musicians to draw attention to themselves in a very crowded landscape. In general these sorts of songs are not very good or insightful because they're rush jobs, and they tend to make everyone involved in their internet-wide dissemination feel if not bad, then vaguely icky--which is to say that they're pretty much designed for the current moment of too many media outlets and not enough eyeballs. So it is that the California MC Hot Rod, a protégé of SEO Pop pioneer 50 Cent, has capitalized on the Google Trends of the moment by releasing "Osama Bin Laden Is Dead." It samples LMFAO and has "cover art" that's a ripoff of the George Condo painting on the cover of "Power." There are also Charlie Sheen references. May 2011 in a super-lazy nutshell, after the jump.

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Your Guide to the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos, Which Begins Tomorrow

The 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos begins tomorrow. There are over 100 performers booked for this event. They all lead up to one thing. . . the headlining onslaught of Insane Clown Posse.

There is already an entire Internet full of jokes here. You do not need me. Instead, let us simply consider the facts.

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Chink Floyd Are Upset They Didn't Win Our "Worst Band Name In New York" Contest, Which Is A Valid Point

chink floyd.jpg
Fans of this blog's particularly half-assed antagonistic schemes will recall last week's electrifying conclusion to our annual (?!) Worst Band Name in New York contest, won in its inaugural (??!!) year by Ching Chong Song. We have since received, via email, an official objection to this result. By a band named Chink Floyd.

Let 'er rip:

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Here Is Matt, He Of Matt And Kim, Rapping R. Kelly's "Ignition" Onstage At Siren

He then dedicates a song to "the shorties," mercifully clarifying that he means actual short people, which makes me feel a whole lot better about the whole thing. Cuteness, thankfully, overpowers all.

Here Is A World-Record-Seizing Rap Song Containing 30 References to Potatoes, Which You Can Hear Live Tonight At Joe's Pub

"I pioneered a subgenre of rap called 'potato rhyming.' My name's ToTs, and I rap about potatoes."

And so the legend begins. Michael "ToTs" Heagerty has officially beaten all you slackers to setting the world record for "Most Potato References in a Rap Song." The song is called "Crispy," the first single off his Kickstarter-funded debut album, The Coup de Tots, to be released later this year. But why, Michael Heagerty, why do you rap about potatoes and not their delicious, incredibly underrated cousin, yams? He responds only with a question: "If you can go back 10 days, can you tell me the truth and say you haven't had a potato in some form?"

Well, shit. Listen to "Crispy" after the jump:

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Russell Simmons Covers the Long Island Pulse: "On Life, Art, Hamptons, Business"

We're positive he's great at all of those things, except for maybe the second one. [LIP]

The Only Thing Better Than a Juggalo Is a Pregnant Juggalette

photo by Scott Spychalski

Oh please please please let that be Ketchup, please please please. [Kansas City Pitch]

OK, Someone Really Needs to Teach Justin Bieber How To Open Doors

We already knew he had revolving door issues, but apparently you just need to keep any and all see-through partitions away from Justin Bieber, lest he violently collide with them. God forbid anyone ever put him inside one of those glass elevators. [Vulture]

Jay-Z's Platonic Ideal of a Song: Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"

"When you hear a great song," Jay writes in the intro to Rolling Stone's "500 Greatest Songs of All Time" special issue, "you can think of where you were when you first heard it, the sounds, the smells. It takes the emotions of a moment and holds it for years to come. It transcends time. A great song has all the key elements--melody; emotion; a strong statement that becomes part of the lexicon; and great production." Like what, though? "Think of 'Bohemian Rhapsody,' by Queen." [Rap Radar]

Presented Without Comment: Justin Bieber Collides With a Revolving Door

Ladies and gentlemen, the savior of the record industry, heartthrob to millions, and bearer of the most influential haircut since Jennifer Aniston's, meeting his match in a revolving sheet of glass. [@itsthereal]