Why We'll All Try to See Justin Timberlake at SXSW, and Why That's Completely Wrong

Categories: Rants

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I remember one of the most exciting moments from last year's SXSW. I was walking out of my hotel and I heard the familiar strains of an iconic bassline rumbling across the avenue toward me like the vapor trail of a picnic beckoning to a cartoon wolf. "Wait, is that... Snoop Dogg?" I thought. Bad ass! I walked over to the edge of the outdoor venue, the Cheeze Crisp Boner Water Experience Tent Hut, stood outside the fence, and bobbed my head in time. "Maybe I should try to get in?" I thought. " Who do I know in marketing at Boner Water?"

See also: Forget Justin Timberlake and Destiny's Child -- Timbaland and Pharrell Are Back!

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Advice For Aspiring Music Writers: Quit Now

Categories: Rants

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There may be 100,000 blogs about indie music, bikes, and beer already in existence, but what if there were 100,001? There is now, thanks to the initiative of a young man in Boston behind this Kickstarter project to fund his blog Indie, Bikes & Beer. All he needs to get going is $12,500. Sounds like a bargain, where do I sign up for this unique service?

See also: Cake Shop's Kickstarter Project Fails, But They'll Press Ahead With It Anyway

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The New Rules for Internet Jukeboxes

Categories: Rants

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Does this look like Michael Bolton to you?
By John Seaborn Gray

Used to be you'd have to hit bar after bar until you found just the right jukebox, which promptly became your own personal lair of alcohol consumption. Folks demanded more freedom of choice, however, so many bars have switched over to Internet jukeboxes, where you can download your song of choice on the spot.
But when used improperly, Internet jukeboxes are proof that democracy DOES NOT WORK. So don't just learn the following rules for yourself: Learn them FOR AMERICA.


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The Day 50 Cent Threatened Gawker.com, Michelle Obama, and His Own Grandmother on Twitter

Though 50 Cent has had his own verified account on Twitter for a while now, it's safe to say that yesterday was the rapper's official debut on the social media site. How do we know this? Because about 24 hours ago the robotic, self-promotional, ghost-written stream of updates occasionally posted to 50's account gave way, suddenly, to a torrent of hilarious vitriol. (His ghostwriter was as shocked as the rest of us.) Many rappers play villains but are quite nice when it comes to the real world and its online proxies. 50 Cent, however, is in fact a villain, whether on record, YouTube, Shyne-conference-call, or elsewhere. If you didn't think so before, we'd argue that he kind of proved it yesterday. Behold: a veritable mountain of contempt for failed Haitian presidential candidate Wyclef Jean, G-Unit compatriot Tony Yayo, Gawker, Michelle Obama, his own manager, and yup, grandma. Yikes, 50:

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And Now, The Condensed Version Of Christopher R. Weingarten's Twitter Rant

So. Our dear friend discussed Internet rock criticism recently at the 140 Characters Conference. I have taken the liberty of distilling his wisdom down to 44 seconds. You're welcome.

"Don't Believe The Hype Machine": Our Man Christopher R. Weingarten, Tearing Down Internet Rock Criticism (And Swearing Up A Storm) Once Again At The 140 Characters Conference

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(It's embedded after the jump; starts automatically, little bugger.)
'Twas a year ago that dear friend-of-SOTC Christopher R. Weingarten's star was truly born when he cussed a blue streak at a Twitter conference; here we have the sequel, delivered Tuesday. Stopped counting at 20 F-bombs, though there are around that many splendid one-liners ("Good writing dies at the hands of search-engine optimization"). He's bleak but he's jolly, folks. Oh, and nice shirt.


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Swedish Twee-&-B Duo jj Cover "Birthday Sex." Why?

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You may have noticed that Zach and Camille--SOTC's daily stewards--aren't posting today, because they're on some kind of spiritual retreat that I'm not privy to the details of. As a guest, I'd be remiss in not writing an amorphous think piece that will fall through the cracks between more web-ready tidbits like "New Rolling Stones Song Exists" and "Something Is Not Safe For Work." jj's cover of "Birthday Sex" offers just such an opportunity.

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New York Noise Update from NYC Media: 'If You Liked Our Music-Video Show So Much, Why Don't You Make It Yourself?'

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Been publicly tracking the dispiriting, and unexplained, departure of NYC-TV's terrific local music show New York Noise for over a month now, along with monitoring the "Bring Back New York Noise" citizen petition and the Facebook group that's 747 members strong (including yours truly) and full of comments like: "NY Noise was a little piece of joy in a city turning to poo!
[B]ring it back please!" And finally, there's a development: the Bloomberg TV forces are considering bringing it back!

But wait.

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Oh Look, Somebody Wrote Something Skeptical About Jay-Z On the Internet

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Now this is going to get embarrassing fast, riding out to the defense of a multi-millionaire every time somebody writes something terrifically ill-informed and misguided about him. That said. There are some provocations that are just too much--are surely intended to be too much--and starting a paragraph in piece called "Enough With the Jay-Z Fetish" in following way is certainly one of them:

Don't take it from me! I'm just one jerk. But I just got back from the Harvest of Hope Festival, a huge three-day music festival in Florida, where I got the chance to interview Dead Prez, the single most non-hypocritical rap group in America, the closest thing to a modern-day Public Enemy.
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Here's To Axl Rose and the Bunch of Random Dudes Calling Themselves Guns N' Roses Getting the Hell Out of Town

So Sebastian Bach saved Axl Rose from being attacked by a maniac with a blade the other night at the Gramercy Hotel's Rose Bar. "Nobody is getting anywhere near my man Axl Rose with a knife," said the one-time Skid Row frontman, and from his position atop a banquet, he summoned security to cast what may in fact have been a very sensible individual out into the cold. It was Valentine's Day at the Purple mag afterparty, and the band of misfits who call themselves Guns N' Roses were blasting the assembled celebrities with a two hour set not unlike the one the band had visited on an unsuspecting crowd inside a John Varvatos store last week. Fashion Week ends tomorrow and with any luck, it will take Axl Rose with it.

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