If Your "& Band" Shirt Was Honest

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The Definitive Guns n Roses Shirt
There's no band shirt more iconic, ubiquitous, and basic than the Helvetica Beatles names. John, Paul, George, and Ringo, spelled out in subway chicness, a few ampersands dividing up the royalty. It's telling the world that you don't have any defining taste beyond liking The Beatles, but you still want to be treated like someone who Takes Art Seriously.

It's also perhaps the most parodied t-shirt design in the history of pop music, so if you're a particularly miserable person, you can buy a Smiths version or a Pavement version from bootleg websites across the world. Naturally that spurned my content-creative instinct and I decided to venture into the CafePress design tab and make the worst possible Helvetica Beatles interpretations I could imagine. The results were dumb.

See also: Iron Maiden's Bruce Dickinson Is Wrong About Punk

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Lou Reed's Old Stuff Is For Sale on eBay

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Via eBay
It was Brian Eno who made the oft-repeated remark that, while the Velvet Underground's first album didn't sell that well in its early years, "everyone who bought a copy would go on to open an eBay account." Or something. (That may not be exactly right.) But, anyway, good news for OGVU devotees, and for all fans of synths and old timey electronics with lots of buttons: A bunch of Lou Reed's old msuical gear -- a Kurzweil PC2X 88-note Performance Controller Keyboard with weighted keys, a PreSonus DigiMax FS 8-channel preamp with ADAT I/O, a Line 6 Pod XT Pro Multi-Effects Guitar Effect Pedal (any of this ringing a bell?)-- is on auction at eBay "for the next few weeks."

Here are the details of the auction via Lou Reed's Facebook, bolding ours:

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Last Night a DJ Lost His Life, or DJ Khaled Was Murdered on Twitter

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Screengrab of First Take
Last Tuesday, a 300 + pound walking, talking sack of excrement with a beard named DJ Khaled attempted to out windbag Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless on that duo's completely terrible but undeniably watchable show First Take. Not that surprisingly, he succeeded. Because Khaled is a Next Level Bullshitter who makes his living creating the soundtrack for the type of people who think bottle service is a great idea. Even next to Stephen A. and Skip B--who can sling nonsense with the best of 'em--he managed to spin a magical soliloquy of strung-together platitudes, unearned confidence, and epic braggadocio, proclaiming that the Miami Heat, his team, would easily take the next three games in the then-tied one-one series, choking the life out of the San Antonio Spurs, who he claims cheated to win the first game of the Finals. Well, we all know the opposite happened, the San Antonio Spurs won three games straight, absolutely drubbing the Heat in what was the biggest lopsided NBA Finals ever. Naturally, all week, Twitter has been outraged at Khaled. Last night, they murdered him.

See also: #AskRKelly Backfires Mightily on Twitter

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Livestream Hot 97 Summer Jam in Full Here

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Both images via Wiki Commons
Hot 97 Sumer Jam is without a doubt one of the most exciting Summer concerts each year, and 2014's bill is certainly stacked enough to uphold that reputation. Nas. 50. Nicki. The Roots. Wiz. And many, many more (complete lineup on next page). The whole things kicks off on the festival stage starting at 2:30 p.m., and you can stream all the action below.

Enjoy!

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Waylon Jennings' 1973 Cadillac Eldorado Convertible Is Being Sold on Craigslist

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via Craigslist
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In 2001 someone bought Waylon Jennings' white, swank af 1973 Cadillac Eldorado convertible for $6,900 from a seller in Pennsylvania. Now, 13 years later, this gem is being sold on Springfield, Missouri's Craigslist. The seller is asking considerably more for it. Four times as much, in fact: $28,000. At that price, is it worth it? Are people interested? Is it really Waylon's old Caddy? We called the seller to ask this and many other questions that didn't need asking. Because just take a look at the thing...

See also: Willie Nelson's Old Tour Bus Is Being Sold on Craigslist

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Willie Nelson's Old Tour Bus Is Being Sold on Craigslist

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The beaut above is a 1983 Eagle that gets an eco-friendly seven miles per gallon when the generator is running. It's got crushed velvet curtains, and -- just a guess here -- a few dozen places to hide your weed. Because, oh yeah, it's Willie Nelson's old tour bus, and it's hard to look at without daydreaming about living a life on the open road in all the glorious comfort she no-doubt offers. If you want it, you should act now, because the guy behind the ad says his phone hasn't stopped ringing since he listed it on easttexas.craigslist.com Sunday night. "It's been non-stop," he says. "I've gotten calls from as far as Washington state and New York," he told us when we called him ourselves. His name is Alan. He was very polite (naturally -- Texas). Here's the story he gave us about this treasure.

[UPDATE: The bid for the bus is up to $36,000, and the seller will field offers until 12 a.m. Central, 5/3/2014. "We are planning to sell this bus this weekend."]

[UPDATE II: The bus ultimately sold for a whopping $86,000.


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Important Life Advice from Tyler, the Creator

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Many celebrities take to the streets of Twitter on a daily basis to bless the world with their unfiltered opinions, ideas, and Instagram photos. But none handle the task of advising the masses quite as eloquently and effectively as Odd Future's Tyler, the Creator. Check out the life lessons he has rolled out to his 1.8 million Twitter followers over the past month.

See also: Tyler, the Creator's WOLF, Reviewed By Tyler, the Creator

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Guess The Tweet: @LanaDelRey Or @Horse_Ebooks?

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Say what you will about Lana Del Rey—and boy, have you ever, Internet—even her most devoted fans would be hard-pressed to call her "profound." Amidst the embarrassing-for-everybody controversy over her Saturday Night Live performance, her lips, her name, her dad, her shelved first album and whether or not she actually likes video games (per an MTV interview: nope), the stone that is her Twitter feed has largely been left unturned. It's full of perky @ replies, album news and the sort of "meaningful," punctuation-challenged platitudes that you generally find on the Facebook walls of people who had kids right after high school.

But! Is Del Rey's zombie-eyed thought catalog so strange and robotic that you'd mistake it for a bizarrely compelling spambot designed to sell ebooks about horses? Is Lana our next inexplicably profound Internet muse? Is she smarter than the seemingly sentient @horse_ebooks, and more importantly, can you tell them apart? We're guessing no—but you're welcome to try. Below, you'll find tweets from both, presented verbatim. Don't cheat! If you can identify 1-5, you've probably never heard of Hipster Runoff and should congratulate yourself; 6-10, you're a reasonable, Internet-savvy adult; 11-15, have you even left your apartment this week? Call your mother, she's worried about you.

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Kanye West's New Workout Plan For The Creative Class: DONDA

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Last night Kanye West thrillingly returned to Twitter in a blaze of glory, sending out a series of 140-character missives over the course of a few hours that outlined recent happenings in his life (firing his agent; getting in a snit over creative differences while in negotiations to work on the filmed adaptation of The Jetsons) and his vision for the future. He confessed that he hadn't bought any new jewelry or cars because he instead wanted to pursue his artistic dreams. He had an existential crisis about the Grammys. He talked about his problems with French taxation rules.

But the bulk of his chatter was about DONDA, the new design-it-all company that he's founding—and he offered his 5.9 million followers a chance to work side-by-side with him, provided they were skilled in one of, well, many professions.

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Q&A: Rock And Roll Tedium's Craig Hamilton On Mick Jagger Browsing The Frozen-Food Aisle And Other Ways Stars Are Just Like Us

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Not a picture of Mick Jagger at the grocery store.
Most people have a story about meeting someone famous—and most of those stories are dull. So why is an entire Tumblr site devoted to the most banal ones—"Did I ever tell you about the time... ?" is the header, but it's better known by its URL, Rock and Roll Tedium—such a riot? The deadpan tone has a lot to do with it—thrilling tales about nearly killing Neil Finn's Dalmatian ("It went around the other side of my bike from Neil as he was crossing the road, and it nearly got tangled. I had to stop for a bit"), being waved to by Badly Drawn Boy (and, conversely, failing to nod back at Jimmy Page), and stealing food from rock stars (shoving Van Morrison aside to get some cakes, stealing chips from John Oates) are short, to the point, and swim with everyday absurdity.

Launched by Englishman Craig Hamilton on December 17, the site quickly went viral by gently puncturing myths (Lisa Loeb "didn't really wear glasses," according to someone who once fetched her a guitar strap) and reducing legends to schlubs (at an L.A. Trader Joe's, the Doors' John Densmore "was buying a LOT of cat food") without an ounce of rancor. SOTC spoke with Hamilton via Skype last Thursday.

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