​Yesterday, TMZ brought word that the reality television star Kim Kardashian was in the studio with superproducer and SOTC hero The-Dream, working on a record. "If The-Dream ends up writing a whole album for/about Kim Kardashian, the Internet is liable to just blow the fuck up," a colleague wrote, which gave us an idea: maybe the The-Dream already has written a whole album for Kim Kardashian. We went back through our lovingly kept Dream archives and realized that everything Kim K needs to make her triumphant pop debut and tell her life story via song has long since been written. All was missing were some stage directions, so we threw those in, and behold: the Kardashian story, as told by The-Dream. Or, as we like to call it, The Ballad of Kim Kardashian and The-Dream: A Speculative Musical. (They can thank us later.) It begins in Kardashians' family home in Los Angeles, high in the Hollywood Hills....

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"It is, hopefully, the new direction I've been seeking and a new path that I hope you'll walk with me," Ted Leo wrote Friday, in an epic post on his blog dealing, once again, with issues of sustainability, retirement, and the plight of the aging punk rocker. The new path to which he was referring to was, ostensibly, musical theatre: a premiere, to be presented Monday. We had our doubts--not least because just two months ago we'd sent one of our writers to a video shoot that sounded suspiciously like what Leo intended to unveil. And indeed, what popped up on Funny or Die today was in fact a music video, for Brutalist Bricks standout "Bottled in Cork." You can even, in one shot, see our writer, former chillwave intern Stelios Phili. He's the guy wearing the hat:

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​We have praised Tony-nomination-dominating Fela Kuti musical Fela! at some length around here, and for good reason, which will become perhaps more readily apparent on June 8 when the official cast recording is finally released, featuring, of course, the incomparable Afrobeat stylings of Brooklyn's very own Antibalas. Below, please find a stream to standout track "Water No Get Enemy," which you can also get mailed to you as an MP3, should you not mind doling out your email address. (He actually was Nigerian royalty, so no worries.)

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Alessandra Mello

​What do you do when your just-opened and already somewhat ailing rock opera musical cum swearfest gets out of the gate real slow, and is, by night two, already the subject of some imaginative critical grave dancing? (Our own Rob Harvilla, say: "the result, though vivid and lurid and imaginatively depraved, is also somewhat inarticulate, spraying its boilerplate discontent at no one in particular, with a lotta standard-issue bitching about The Media and The Man." Read on for the funny parts.) Invite the three dudes who actually make up the real life Green Day to play your encore, of course.

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​Splendid but initially disquieting news this morning: The Broadway production of Fela! (way more info about that here) is moving to the National Theater in London later this year, in an only slightly stripped-down production that'll feature the same alternating titular stars as in the Broadway version (Sahr Ngaujah and Kevin Mambo), playing for an audience perhaps better acquainted with Fela's music (he's got strong London ties, etc.) than we Americans. Great. But the piece neglects to mention: Does that mean the Broadway production is shutting down?

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​After weeks of idle rumors, rampant speculation, and, undoubtedly, fervent prayers, three stars way way bigger than anyone actually performing in Fela! will take their place on the marquee and will, in fact, attend Opening Night festivities next Monday, November 23. The TKTS booth will probably not help you get into this.

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​It's happening, according to Liz Smith (?!). Paula Wagner, Tom Cruise's producer, has apparently been shepherding Rev Run and DMC around Broadway, collecting inspiration for an original musical. "I feel their story lends itself perfectly to the stage," Wagner told Smith. "This project has been a passion of mine for some time and I couldn't be more thrilled to be working with them." OK! Can't wait to find out who killed Jam Master Jay. There was also talk, earlier this year, of a Run-DMC biopic. And of course, they have their own street sign now. And our children, sick as they will be about this rap group they do not care about, will not thank us for any of this.

Run-D.M.C. Hip-Hops to Broadway [WowOWow]

He lives. He types. Per Vulture comes news of Bret's official statement regarding his rather unfortunate run-in with a piece of scenery live onstage at the Tony Awards Sunday night. A few rather unpleasant pictures, too. He's trying to laugh this off, people, give him credit. Key graf:

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Kenneth Aaron

Mike Daisey in last season's "If You See Something, Say Something."

Every spring, we here at Voice receive a stream of press releases from local theaters and theater groups announcing their play lineups for the coming season. They're quite the tease, these schedules, always promising more artistically than they ever really deliver. With that in mind, though, we can't help but be impressed by next year's Public Theater roster, announced yesterday. While the theater season is not exactly a competition, artistic director Oskar Eustis's Public is looking like 2009-2010's winner.

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Boy, were we out in front on this one. Tony nominations went out today, and who do we see in the Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical category but one Constantine Maroulis, for his contribution to the crassly splendid hair-metal musical Rock of Ages. Have fun getting your ass kicked by those three Billy Elliot kids, pal. Winners are announced June 7 live on CBS, in a television event best summed up by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog: "Ratings are so low that Osama Bin Laden will be hiding onstage."