Which Gallagher brother is a bigger prat... on Twitter?

If you're on the Internet you might have heard of Klout, a pseudo-scientific way for measuring the slippery ideal of "online influence." Taking into consideration a variety of factors, it has (despite its often being utterly gameable and as a result off the mark) turned into a way for people online to judge not just each other, but themselves.

Today a variation on Klout, Klouchebag, launched to further fill in the picture drawn by Klout's algorithms. Dubbing itself "the standard for measuring asshattery online" and putting itself (or, well, its code) on the lookout for people engaging in jerky behavior in the 140-character wild, it judges users' Twitter feeds on four metrics—"Anger," "Retweet Abuse," "Social Apps," and "English Misuse"—and then figures out just how much of an annoying prat they are accordingly. (Your correspondent's score of 57 causes her to fall in the "bit of a douchebag" range.) This new, exciting measurement of the always-rampant scourge of online idiocy caused us to wonder: Which musicians with prominent social-media presences are, in actuality, the worst—or at least, worse than their chief rivals using a semi-scientific method? A couple of head-to-head matchups after the jump.

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@KREAYSHAWN you're a dumb bitch. And you can't rap. I'll sit on your face. ... Fall back slut.

— ♥ AZEALIA BANKS ♥ (@AZEALIABANKS) January 4, 2012

The "social" part of "social media" describes the relationship users can develop with each other through constant updates. Twitter epitomizes this principle, inviting users to post their quick chirp-like thoughts 24 hours a day, seven days a week and providing an overwhelming amount of time for both opportunities and letdowns.

There's no need to stalk a concert in order to see the unfiltered side of an artist—just go online and check out what they're putting out on social media. But like any other relationship, this one has its limits—rules to the game, just like Biggie's Ten Crack Commandments. Etiquette, if you will, to handling online stardom and the commentary that surrounds it. Here are four guidelines for those people looking to navigate the social-media waters:

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Say what you will about Lana Del Rey—and boy, have you ever, Internet—even her most devoted fans would be hard-pressed to call her "profound." Amidst the embarrassing-for-everybody controversy over her Saturday Night Live performance, her lips, her name, her dad, her shelved first album and whether or not she actually likes video games (per an MTV interview: nope), the stone that is her Twitter feed has largely been left unturned. It's full of perky @ replies, album news and the sort of "meaningful," punctuation-challenged platitudes that you generally find on the Facebook walls of people who had kids right after high school.

But! Is Del Rey's zombie-eyed thought catalog so strange and robotic that you'd mistake it for a bizarrely compelling spambot designed to sell ebooks about horses? Is Lana our next inexplicably profound Internet muse? Is she smarter than the seemingly sentient @horse_ebooks, and more importantly, can you tell them apart? We're guessing no—but you're welcome to try. Below, you'll find tweets from both, presented verbatim. Don't cheat! If you can identify 1-5, you've probably never heard of Hipster Runoff and should congratulate yourself; 6-10, you're a reasonable, Internet-savvy adult; 11-15, have you even left your apartment this week? Call your mother, she's worried about you.

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Jesse Cohen and Eric Emm of Tanlines.

Giving the Best Local Music Twitter award in our Best of NYC issue to @tanlines was pretty much a no-brainer. The account, which is run by the duo's Jesse Cohen, is heavy on the wry observational humor and light on the "come see our band" or "here's somebody saying that we're awesome" self-promotion that bogs down way too many social-media outposts for musicians. Social-media gurus (and people who just want to be less annoying online) should take note; Cohen knows how to do it right. I talked to him on a chilly afternoon outside Blue Bottle about all things Internet; a condensed version of our lengthy chat is below.

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@bwsullivan

The revelation that a movie about a disgruntled mother wreaking havoc on a blogger who snarked her indie-rocker son—tentatively called Pitchfork—is on the way has (perhaps inevitably) sparked the wonderful hashtag #PitchforkThrillers. What better way to spend a summer Thursday than coming up with witty names for the flick? After the jump, the best of the best.

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Via @FuckTyler, less than three hours before his last-minute Goblin-release day show, with accompanying arrest photo (posted below). PR move or legit arrest? Read Eric Harvey's piece on Goblin while the Internet waits to find out.

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And the grand-goodbye continues. LCD Soundsystem played their second of five farewell shows, or their fourth-to-last show ever, last night at Terminal 5. Monday saw a Reggie Watts guest appearance, rude dudebros, and ultimate catharsis. Last night apparently featured a very similar set list and so much Tweeting that James Murphy had to reprimand you all, suggesting "maybe put down the phone" and "maybe just be here." You didn't, of course. And here's what you said.

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At 11 a.m., New Yorkers got their long awaited, announced in advance, ticketed-and-everything, first official Neutral Milk Hotel show (slated for October 29th) in a long, long time. And at 11:01 a.m., perhaps unsurprisingly, it was already over--if LCD Soundsystem can sell out Madison Square Garden in less than a second, then rest assured Jeff Mangum can manage to fill the much smaller capacity Town Hall in a minute or so. This time, people actually seemed to get tickets. But not many of them. And their elation was immediately drowned in the tears of their less lucky peers. Phish fans, what did you do before Twitter made every highly anticipated ticketing event such a heartrending circus of human pathos?:

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LCD Soundsystem have finally succeeded at getting tickets into the hands of people other than scalpers. The group's four warm-up gigs at Terminal 5 went on sale this morning at 9 A.M. and, to the delight of many a James Murphy fan, took almost an hour to sell out completely. While this may seem like a ridiculously short amount of time, at least it didn't turn out like the Madison Square Garden thing. It appears that the band's scalper-deterrent measures worked, and many "true fans" took to Twitter to celebrate. Thankfully, no Libya jokes were made today, showing that people are much more respectful when they get their damn tickets:

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It's official: LCD Soundsystem will say farewell on April 2, 2011, at Madison Square Garden, to an audience comprised entirely of ticket scalpers and StubHub captcha bots. It was a grim scene this morning on Ticketmaster and Twitter, where LCD fans went first to one and then the other, crying out in pain at their lack of tickets. This show seems to have sold out in about 10 seconds flat; now all that's left are the sad Tweets to remember it by. Well, that and a bunch of probably ill-advised Egypt jokes. The best of both, right here, starting with anguish, of course:

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