On Saturday, HBO premiered a Beyoncé biopic that starred Beyoncé and was directed by Beyoncé and produced by Beyoncé and created by Beyoncé and received the approval of the universe by Beyoncé. But this story isn't about Beyoncé. It is about something Beyoncé purposely omitted from her HBO special-- the true fate of Destiny's Child. The following very real, totally not fake transcripts of deleted footage obtained by SOTC reveals Destiny's Children have been locked away in the sprawling attic above Beyoncé's New York mansion for six years. This is their story. For them, life is anything but a dream.

See also: Justin Timberlake! Destiny's Child! My Bloody Valentine!: The Week of Triumphant Returns

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So, Justin Timberlake and Destiny's Child dropped two singles over the weekend, and people who mostly grew up in the last decade rejoiced. Everybody else was like, "What the hell is this all about?"

Both these major pop entities haven't dropped new music in a long while. Timberlake, who hasn't released an album since that monster hit FutureSex/LoveSounds in 2006 and has been spending his time trying to be a movie matinee idol, had people worrying he might end up being the white-boy version of D'Angelo. Meanwhile, Destiny's Child hasn't released any music as a group since their 2004 album Destiny Fulfilled. I'm sure we all assumed the show on those three were over since Beyonce Knowles went on to become THE BIGGEST POP DIVA OF ALL TIME. So, why the hell would she need to get the band back together again?

See Also:
-12 (More) Big Deal Albums We're Hella Excited For
-Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, And The Shifting Nature of Pop Star Fandom
-I'm A White R&B Singer From Red Hook, Brooklyn: Should I Even Bother?

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This week's Hot 100 debuts include big names and the viral video of the year—and, surprisingly, a nearly year-old track by Beyoncé. "Dance For You" was released on the deluxe version of 4 a little less than year ago and has been on the Hot R&B Songs chart since April; for a good but nowhere near great record, it's showed remarkable staying power.

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Robin Harper for Parkwood Entertainment

Beyoncé.

Beyoncé w/Luke James
Ovation At Revel
Saturday, May 26

Better than: Slacking off.

This weekend's four Beyoncé shows at the Revel Resort in Atlantic City—a multibillion-dollar casino that's trying to bring the high-roller feel of New Vegas to the Jersey Shore's most famous boardwalk—have been dubbed "Back To Business"; these are the singer's first concerts since the birth of her daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, earlier this year. Saturday's installment—during which B tore through much of her catalog, honored a few women who paved the way for her success, and thanked her fans, some of whom came from as far as South Africa and Hawaii, over and over and over again—showed just how serious she was about picking up her career exactly where she'd left it pre-maternity leave.

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Why is this woman smiling? Because you're clapping along with her song.

Lately, when I turn on a hip-hop station, I feel like I'm being applauded, and I don't always feel like returning the favor. I'm not referring just to the default use of handclaps (sampled or, more likely, emulated by drum machines) as snare drums in beats, which has been a common practice and has been prevalent since Lil Jon's reign in the mid-2000s. I'm referring to the fast and steady eighth note clap-clap-clap-clap pattern running through several current hits on Billboard's R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart, including Big Sean's remix of "Dance (A$$)" featuring Nicki Minaj, which recently peaked at No. 3, and Rihanna's controversial Chris Brown-assisted remix of "Birthday Cake," which rocketed to No. 4 last week after only five weeks on the chart. I like to call these songs "clappers" in homage to both the sound-activated light switch and to the '60s Northern Soul scene, in which British fans of American R&B gravitated toward heavily rhythmic "stompers" that had a snare drum hit on every quarter note (think "I Can't Help Myself" by The Four Tops).

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Sledgehammer-pop duo Sleigh Bells visited the BBC recently, and as one tends to do when one visits the hallowed British broadcasting institution, they laid down a cover—of Beyoncé's breezy kiss-off "Irreplaceable." The combined moxie of Beyoncé and Sleigh Bells frontwoman Alexis Krauss should result in fireworks, right? Well, not so much; Krauss sighs her way through the song, turning her voice into a mew that sounds like she was trying to sing along with the radio while not being heard by her roommates or anyone else outside of a six-inch radius. (Also, some of the guitar chords are a bit off.) It's not Karmin-level offensive, but it's sorta disappointing. Listen below.

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Superstar pals and Young Money labelmates Lil Wayne and Drake released two of the biggest albums of 2011—Tha Carter IV and Take Care—and both are still spinning off hits well into 2012. But a look at the singles charts reveals something odd: the biggest current hits off both albums aren't available on every copy of the album, but are instead bonus tracks from their deluxe editions. Drake's "The Motto," which features Wayne, currently tops the R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart and is at No. 19 on the Hot 100 after peaking at No. 16. And Wayne's own "Mirror," featuring Bruno Mars, is Weezy's highest current solo entry on the Hot 100, at No. 68 (it also peaked at No. 16). If you go into one of the few stores still selling CDs today, though, odds are that the versions of Tha Carter IV and Take Care in the racks won't include those current hits.

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The Grammys created the awkwardly named Best Rap/Sung Collaboration category ten years ago, around the time Ja Rule's various "thug love" duets were dominating the airwaves. The award recognized a growing sector of popular music that didn't quite fit into the preexisting rap, R&B or pop song awards, and its creation was a prescient move. In 2001, 13% of Billboard's Year-End Hot 100 Songs featured at least one rapper and one singer; in 2011 that number had doubled to 26% (after peaking at 33% in 2010). The category's a little more unpredictable this year, as NARAS snubbed the biggest dancefloor-friendly rapped-and-sung hits of the year ("Give Me Everything," "Party Rock Anthem," "On The Floor," "E.T.") in favor of more urban radio fare.

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If the triumph of tUnE-yArDs in this year's Pazz & Jop albums poll was one of the biggest upsets in the poll's history, then the companion singles poll offered one of its most predictable winners to date: Adele's "Rolling In The Deep." Smart money had been on that song taking the prize since it began its record-breaking chart run almost exactly a year ago, and few songs offered it much realistic competition. When I was predicting results among friends in recent weeks, only two songs seemed like remotely possible spoilers, and I was close enough on one (Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass," which finished at No. 3) and way off on another (Foster The People's "Pumped Up Kicks," at No. 10).

My Sound of the City chart talk colleague Chris Molanphy already viewed the albums poll through the prism of sales in his Pazz & Jop essay, where he lamented the inaccuracy of his own prediction that Adele's 21 would become the third album to ever rank as both the top-selling album of a year and the Pazz & Jop-voting bloc's favorite (after Michael Jackson's Thriller and Bruce Springsteen's Born In The U.S.A.). Apparently not enough of the five million Americans who bought 21 were also professional music critics; the album finished at No. 6 on the poll. But Adele did notch a similarly rare achievement on the singles poll, where "Rolling In The Deep" became the third poll winner in Pazz & Jop history to have also been Billboard's No. 1 song of the year. Again, one of the precedents is an unsurprising '80s blockbuster, Prince's "When Doves Cry," but the other is a bit more surprising: "Gangsta's Paradise." The Coolio smash dominated 1995 with a Stevie Wonder melody and a Dangerous Minds soundtrack placement—and it spawned an obligatory "Weird Al" Yankovic parody—but otherwise it's hardly a canonized pop classic.

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Aaliyah.

Not very many hours after Beyoncé gave birth to their daughter Blue Ivy Carter, Jay-Z commemorated the occasion in song. "Glory" sounds humbled and relieved, and soft enough to bear some marks; at certain points, Jay's voice almost seems to quaver. He goes from revealing a past miscarriage to sharing the precise date of conception, as if still ambling through the ward in elated exhaustion. Next time he leaves condoms on a baby seat, it'll feel like a sitcom joke, not potential diss material.

The kid herself makes an appearance, wailing all over the track. Blue Ivy must be the first infant to receive a feature credit for their sampled gurgles—canny as ever, dad—but she's only the youngest entry in pop's tiny, adorable line of incidental newborns. Given that the subtlety of the effect in question falls somewhere between siren noises and neighing, it tends to be used sparingly yet memorably. Pace Kelis, here are six other songs of the baby.

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