Christina Aguilera Is a Better Performer Than Beyoncé

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Christina Aguilera is a better performer than Beyoncé. I promise that feels just as weird for me to type as it does for you to read, but it's true. This week I was lucky enough to see Beyoncé live for the first time as part of her On The Run tour with Jay-Z. There are a few things about watching Beyoncé live that are apparent from the moment she takes the stage: Beyoncé is not fucking around. Beyoncé is absolutely, really, truly, NOT FUCKING AROUND. Beyoncé is perfection personified. Beyoncé truly believes in the power Beyoncé. Beyoncé is very generous for allowing her husband to perform a few of his songs during her concert.

See also: LIVE REVIEW: Beyonce & Jay Z - MetLife Stadium - 7/11/14

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Who Would Beyoncé Date If Jay Z Didn't Exist?

Categories: Beyoncé

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Screenshot, "Drunk In Love"
When I'm at parties I like to play a game I call "Who Would Beyonce Date If Jay Z Didn't Exist?"™ It's important to note the question is specifically "didn't exist," not "died." Obviously, if Jay-Z died, Beyoncé would have him cryogenically frozen and entombed in a Han Solo style relief mold made of solid gold while she enlisted illuminati shaman to resurrect his lost soul. Meanwhile, the rest of us would have no idea that Hova had even passed, so seamlessly would the entire event between his death and ultimate resurrection be veiled behind a constant flow of color soaked, Blue Ivy starring photography on Bey's Tumblr. That's misdirection for you.

The game goes like this:

See also: What We Can Learn From Beyonce's Feminism

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What We Can Learn From Beyonce's Feminism

Categories: Beyoncé

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There are moments when Beyonce not only references her past but displays clips from it like awards on her mantel. In "***Flawless," she frames an anthem of exuberant self-love and feminist rage with clips of her appearance on Star Search as a pre-teen with her group Girl's Tyme. The first one is their presentation, a hopeful moment before they performed as Ed McMahon rattles off their names before the song segues into the Beyonce of today performing the track off her latest album. The song ends with another clip of McMahon giving a band full of white dudes that do not include a young Beyonce four stars and Girl's Tyme only three.

See also: The Top 10 Beyonce Collaborations

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The Completely Real, Totally Not Fake Deleted Destiny's Child Scenes From Beyoncé's HBO Doc

Categories: Beyoncé

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On Saturday, HBO premiered a Beyoncé biopic that starred Beyoncé and was directed by Beyoncé and produced by Beyoncé and created by Beyoncé and received the approval of the universe by Beyoncé. But this story isn't about Beyoncé. It is about something Beyoncé purposely omitted from her HBO special-- the true fate of Destiny's Child. The following very real, totally not fake transcripts of deleted footage obtained by SOTC reveals Destiny's Children have been locked away in the sprawling attic above Beyoncé's New York mansion for six years. This is their story. For them, life is anything but a dream.

See also: Justin Timberlake! Destiny's Child! My Bloody Valentine!: The Week of Triumphant Returns

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Forget Justin Timberlake and Destiny's Child -- Timbaland and Pharrell Are Back!

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So, Justin Timberlake and Destiny's Child dropped two singles over the weekend, and people who mostly grew up in the last decade rejoiced. Everybody else was like, "What the hell is this all about?"

Both these major pop entities haven't dropped new music in a long while. Timberlake, who hasn't released an album since that monster hit FutureSex/LoveSounds in 2006 and has been spending his time trying to be a movie matinee idol, had people worrying he might end up being the white-boy version of D'Angelo. Meanwhile, Destiny's Child hasn't released any music as a group since their 2004 album Destiny Fulfilled. I'm sure we all assumed the show on those three were over since Beyonce Knowles went on to become THE BIGGEST POP DIVA OF ALL TIME. So, why the hell would she need to get the band back together again?

See Also:
-12 (More) Big Deal Albums We're Hella Excited For
-Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, And The Shifting Nature of Pop Star Fandom
-I'm A White R&B Singer From Red Hook, Brooklyn: Should I Even Bother?


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New On The Hot 100 This Week: Taylor Swift's "Ronan," PSY's "Gangnam Style," And More

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This week's Hot 100 debuts include big names and the viral video of the year—and, surprisingly, a nearly year-old track by Beyoncé. "Dance For You" was released on the deluxe version of 4 a little less than year ago and has been on the Hot R&B Songs chart since April; for a good but nowhere near great record, it's showed remarkable staying power.

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Live: Beyoncé Brings The House Down At Atlantic City's Newest Casino

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Robin Harper for Parkwood Entertainment
Beyoncé.
Beyoncé w/Luke James
Ovation At Revel
Saturday, May 26

Better than: Slacking off.

This weekend's four Beyoncé shows at the Revel Resort in Atlantic City—a multibillion-dollar casino that's trying to bring the high-roller feel of New Vegas to the Jersey Shore's most famous boardwalk—have been dubbed "Back To Business"; these are the singer's first concerts since the birth of her daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, earlier this year. Saturday's installment—during which B tore through much of her catalog, honored a few women who paved the way for her success, and thanked her fans, some of whom came from as far as South Africa and Hawaii, over and over and over again—showed just how serious she was about picking up her career exactly where she'd left it pre-maternity leave.

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Radio Hits One: Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, And Other Urban Radio Staples Turn To Clappers

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Why is this woman smiling? Because you're clapping along with her song.
Lately, when I turn on a hip-hop station, I feel like I'm being applauded, and I don't always feel like returning the favor. I'm not referring just to the default use of handclaps (sampled or, more likely, emulated by drum machines) as snare drums in beats, which has been a common practice and has been prevalent since Lil Jon's reign in the mid-2000s. I'm referring to the fast and steady eighth note clap-clap-clap-clap pattern running through several current hits on Billboard's R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart, including Big Sean's remix of "Dance (A$$)" featuring Nicki Minaj, which recently peaked at No. 3, and Rihanna's controversial Chris Brown-assisted remix of "Birthday Cake," which rocketed to No. 4 last week after only five weeks on the chart. I like to call these songs "clappers" in homage to both the sound-activated light switch and to the '60s Northern Soul scene, in which British fans of American R&B gravitated toward heavily rhythmic "stompers" that had a snare drum hit on every quarter note (think "I Can't Help Myself" by The Four Tops).

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Sleigh Bells' Beyoncé Cover Could Stand To Get A Little More Bodied

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Sledgehammer-pop duo Sleigh Bells visited the BBC recently, and as one tends to do when one visits the hallowed British broadcasting institution, they laid down a cover—of Beyoncé's breezy kiss-off "Irreplaceable." The combined moxie of Beyoncé and Sleigh Bells frontwoman Alexis Krauss should result in fireworks, right? Well, not so much; Krauss sighs her way through the song, turning her voice into a mew that sounds like she was trying to sing along with the radio while not being heard by her roommates or anyone else outside of a six-inch radius. (Also, some of the guitar chords are a bit off.) It's not Karmin-level offensive, but it's sorta disappointing. Listen below.

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Radio Hits One: Drake, Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, Katy Perry, And The Era Of The Hit Bonus Track

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Superstar pals and Young Money labelmates Lil Wayne and Drake released two of the biggest albums of 2011—Tha Carter IV and Take Care—and both are still spinning off hits well into 2012. But a look at the singles charts reveals something odd: the biggest current hits off both albums aren't available on every copy of the album, but are instead bonus tracks from their deluxe editions. Drake's "The Motto," which features Wayne, currently tops the R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart and is at No. 19 on the Hot 100 after peaking at No. 16. And Wayne's own "Mirror," featuring Bruno Mars, is Weezy's highest current solo entry on the Hot 100, at No. 68 (it also peaked at No. 16). If you go into one of the few stores still selling CDs today, though, odds are that the versions of Tha Carter IV and Take Care in the racks won't include those current hits.

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