Dial 9/11 for Rudy

If he wants to win this fall, Bush has two choices, according to a big Scottish newspaper: Capture Osama bin Laden or capture Rudy Giuliani. Ben McConville, the man in NYC for Scotland on Sunday, predicts that Bush will dump Dick Cheney and add Giuliani to the ticket—assuming that BushCo doesn't find bin Laden before next November's polls close. Of course, McConville is basing this in large part on opinions from what he calls "leading commentator Al Neuharth," the aging blowhard who founded USA Today.

The ex-chief Gannetteer may be right, but Bush and Rumsfeld and Ridge would have to bomb half the city to preserve "order" if Rudy is crowned No. 2 at this summer's convention. Of course, Halliburton could then go in and rebuild. Sounds like a win-win.