Daily Flogger 7/29/08: Cancers on the body politic

Running down the papers:

Post: 'RX FOR MAC AND BARACK: Rivals both see docs'

Breathtaking lede of the tab's top campaign story of the day:

Can't wait to read the folo stories on the painkillers they used. We're already numb with boredom.

Post: 'KIDNAPPED BY A ROCKEFOOLER'

Rockin' hed for this tight lede:

Just a great headline day for the Post, with this one on NBA corrupt ref Tim Donaghy's claim of mental problems:

'ROGUE REF IS LABELED ODDS BALL'

And this:

'UNWED MA AXED AS TEACHER: SUIT'

And this one about a Giants receiver's mystery injury and other drama:

'AS THE ANKLE TURNS'

But then your breakfast does its own flip-flop when it reaches this hed on Liz Smith's column that threatens to tell us details we don't want to know about one of the ancient columnist's contemporaries:

'QUEEN VICTORIA'S SECRET PANTIES'

Thank God the hed was misleading.

Times: 'Report Faults Aides in Hiring at Justice Dept.'

Winner of the 'Study Reveals Lack of Funds' Headline Contest. Here's Eric Lichtblau's lede:

We knew this at the time — when Pat-Robertson-college-law-school grad Monica Goodling's involvement as a faith-based dimwit Justice aide was revealed — and yet the Times didn't nail it down at the time.

Times: 'Candidates Return Focus to Economy and Jobs'

The promo for Larry Rohter's story:

Does campaign coverage get any lower than this? Learning the candidates' dick sizes would be just as relevant as learning what McCain's "surrogates" (his advisers and campaign flacks) think of Obama's strategies.

What do you think they think?

Rohter's lede graf, in the grand tradition of Pravda-style establishment journalism, is simply paralyzing:

Times: 'Officer Investigated in Toppling of Cyclist'

The lede grafs:

Speaking of amateurs, the Times doesn't even give you a link to the video. So here is the Gothamist link.

Remarkably, however, James Barron's story does throw in these context grafs — and they're high up:

Humdrum AP story with no news — No comment! Stop the presses! — matched by a humdrum hed.

So why is it prominently promoted by the News? Just to get Christian Bale's name in there for "page views" and "hits," the latest obsession by editors of dying rags who finally have some way — even if it's cockamamie — of supposedly quantifying how well their staff does. They'd rather look at those numbers — hopefully high if you do things like mention Christian Bale's name — than do the harder task of paying money for good work and then paying money to present it on well-designed sites and then market it to readers.

Of course, how the (highly questionable) numbers of page views and hits and "visitors" — if you do things like mention Christian Bale's name — actually translate into money is another matter. In the meantime, I'm going to move on from Christian Bale stories and go out and look for that kitten-strangling-by-nude-liberals yarn that, oh God, I hope will be picked up by Drudge.

The fifth most-mailed story on the Daily News site as of this morning? 'How short can she go? Katie debuts a new 'do'

Yeah, well, the sultry Scientologist's hair is still longer than Christian Bale's, which the News neglected to point out while trying to grab you by the short hairs.

I'm still having trouble working in Christian Bale's name. So hit me.