We're saved! Yankees bail out New York City!

Don't worry if you've been laid off, your kid's school has closed, your neighborhood's community center has had to shut down, your bank (revitalized by your tax money) is pestering you to turn over your home, the prices of booze and cigarettes have gone up again, subway fares are soaring, you couldn't afford to buy more than lumps of coal for your Christmas stocking, Bernie Madoff stole your gelt.

Taking the sting out of that: The Yanks signed Mark Texeira for $180 million in guaranteed money.

The local rags reported the great news as breathlessly as any hometown hack hinterlands newspaper would. From the Daily News:

Rodriguez will make $32 million this year and (for now) gets to fuck Madonna.

You — and ordinary New Yorkers like you — helped make it all possible with hundreds of millions of dollars in public subsidies and free land. Take some pride in that. Even if you can't afford tickets to the games. Give yourself a pat on the back.

You also made New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon happy; the Mets got public money for their new stadium, making it possible for them to afford their new players.

But Wilpon wasn't as lucky as Alex Rodriguez. Fred got fucked, but it was Bernie Madoff who turned the trick and it cost Fred $500 million.

Aside from that, more good news for the rich people you subsidize: If you're one of those people who rents from city slumlord Isaac Toussie, raise a toast to him: George W. Bush just granted him a pardon.

Put a bucket under those drips and click on these ...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Washington Post: 'The Dispirit of Christmas Present'

Slate: 'Bogus Trend of the Week: Booming Evangelical Attendance'

McClatchy: 'Salmon-tracking network upends some sacred cows'

Slate: 'Blago's Legal Eagles'

Wall Street Journal: 'Madoff Scheme Takes New Toll'

Slate: 'Cheney Fought the Law. Cheney Won.'

N.Y. Post: 'EX-BROKER FACES "HEDGE HOG" RAP'

L.A. Times: 'Chinese seek to pull cats from the menu'

Wall Street Journal: 'Obama, Two Aides Questioned in Probe'

N.Y. Post: 'PITY PONZI-POOR PENNEY'

Washington Post: 'SEC Chair Defends His Restraint'

N.Y. Post: 'CITY BIGS FACE DEUTSCHE GRILL'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Suicide not a shock to other Madoff victims'

Washington Post: 'Madoff Investor Found Dead in Office'

N.Y. Post: 'GOOD, BAD AND UGLY IN CITY CRIME STATS'

American Forces Press Service: 'Commander in Chief Recalls His "Great Days"'

McClatchy: 'California will see clout increase at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue'

N.Y. Post: 'SHEL SHOCKER: BEWARE CAROLINE, HE WARNS GOV'

McClatchy: 'Flaunting, sales of luxury goods down'

BBC: 'Cocoa prices hit a 23-year-high'

BBC: 'Dung souvenir based on holy phrase'

BBC: 'Sopranos actor cleared of murder'

BBC: 'NY Times admits to fake letter'

Washington Post: 'Shoe-Thrower Is Called Defiant'

Telegraph (U.K.): 'Pope says humanity needs "saving" from homosexuality'

N.Y. Times: 'Betrayed by Madoff, school adds lesson'

Jurist: 'Russia upper house gives final approval to presidential term extension amendments'

Jurist: 'Australia government lifts control order on ex-Guantanamo detainee Hicks'

Guardian (U.K.): 'Animal rights activists still target lab'

L.A. Times: 'Afghanistan's President Karzai laments coalition use of "thugs"'