Running down the press:

Hurricane Gustav didn't exactly spare New Orleans, but Topical Storm Bristol didn't exactly spare St. Paul, either.

Instead of a candidate snagging a berth, we have a birth snagging a candidate.

The news set the GOP's female delegates (left) all atwitter in St. Paul.

For more on the subject, see, among many examples of course, the flashy and the dull. Or the simply solid, like McClatchy's "Absence of Bush and Cheney cheers Republican delegates."

That's a headline that's eight years too late.

Back to the Sarah Palin beat, where the New York Post splashes: "PALIN TEEN HAS BABY ON BOARD: DADDY A HS HOCKEY KID."

What rhymes with "puck"?

You won't find out in yesterday's sober, but serviceable, New York Times piece, "Palin Daughter’s Pregnancy Interrupts Script."

Don't bother with today's Times story from the poor GOP's point of view by former White House pet Elizabeth Bumiller ("Disclosures on Palin Raise Questions on Vetting Process") and Adam Nagourney's "In Political Realm, ‘Family Problem’ Emerges as Test."

Regarding the former, Bumiller isn't much of an expert on stories about the GOP's vetting, though she's previously covered the topic.

I pointed out her work in December 2004, when the topic had been how the GOP earlier blew its vetting of Bernie Kerik for the job of Homeland Security czar. Referring to AG-nominee-at-the-time Alberto Gonzales's heckuva job on Kerik, I noted:

For God's sakes, she doesn't even mention this previously bad GOP vetting of Kerik in today's story about the GOP's currently bad vetting of Palin.

In the latter piece today in the Times— which is labeled a "news analysis," though that must be an inside joke in the Times newsroom — Nagourney settles this Palin situation for all of us by determining that Unwed Mother is one storm that has already passed, at least for now. He knows that because that's what the GOP delegates say:

We'll see whether she will continue to be the veep nominee or whether, like her daughter's boyfriend should have, she pulls out. It would be a no-brainer for her to say that she can't campaign because she "needs to be with her family" at a time of crisis.

At this point, Nagourney analyzes, the Palins' unimmaculate birth news is an "unwanted distraction" for the GOP and, despite Hurricane Gustav, the Palin pregnancy "dominated discussion among delegates." I did not know that.

One more bit of unintentional humor from Nagourney:

Can't wait to read that dissertation.

You're better off going overseas for a better story emblazoned with one of the better headlines. This comes from Melbourne's big daily, The Age: "Republicans take rain check." The Aussie paper's Anne Davis notes in a news story that actually includes analysis:

While the GOP convention curtailed its busy, meaningless business out of fear that the cheers of delegates would seem crass, Republican women pored over new developments about veep nominee Palin's unwed daughter mama, Bristol.

Named after a bay (a too-popular fishing spot, apparently), Bristol not only entered the national scene but also prompted an addition to the U.S. slang lexicon: Some people would call Bristol a "baby mama," but now Republicans can use their own term: "infant's mother by intelligent design."

The feminists for life whom I know would object to the theft of their name by the anti-abortion group Feminists for Life, of which Palin is a member. But she's consistent: The group is opposed to all abortions, including cases of rape, incest, birth defects, and the preservation of a mother's health or life — and, yes, even in the case of a pregnancy of an unwed high school kid whose mother is a Republican vice presidential candidate.

Palin would probably withdraw except that Joe Lieberman would be the natural choice for McCain, and the country is more likely to accept a shockingly inexperienced hockey mom of an unwed mother on the national ticket than an experienced East Coast Jew. (Even most of us Jews wouldn't be ready for Lieberman.)

The really big news, and it is probably more political than sociological, is Google's launch of a browser called Chrome.

Let's hope it batters Internet Explorer but doesn't swamp Firefox.

Considering that Google, unlike Microsoft, is already an web-advertising giant, this is pretty scary news. Chrome will no doubt market the hell out of users, tailoring the links and news that it determines we "need."

In other news more important than crude jokes about the pregnancy of a political candidate's daughter, crude oil is at about $105 a barrel — and people are happy about it. Bloomberg notes:

More from Bloomberg:

Memo to Adam Nagourney: Now this guy sounds more like a sociologist than a politician.

Can't resist turning back to Palin. One of the best stories focused on something above the waist: earmarks. In "Palin's Small Alaska Town Secured Big Federal Funds," the Washington Post's Paul Kane reports:

Taking off on stats analyzed by Taxpayers for Common Sense, this reporter apparently went and found the analysis instead of relying on the watchdog's press release on Palin, which I don't think it issued. But he gave the watchdog group credit anyway, which is most un-Times-like. Then Kane puts in the political (unsociological) perspective high in his piece:

Followed right on its heels by this:

Bet you never thought you'd care about what goes on in Wasilla, Alaska. Don't shoot the messengers — although in Alaska you're free to shoot just about anything, as NRA member Palin proudly knows. The question: What happens when people shoot back at her?

Running down the press:

Post: 'IDIOT SI SIBS PROVE 'GUIDO' MAYOR RIGHT: COPS'

Attention, immigrants: If you can prove that you understand this headline, you pass the New York City citizenship test. If you need help, here's Kyle Murphy's lede:

Times: 'As Iraq Surplus Rises, Little Goes Into Rebuilding'

Based on a GAO report spurred by indefatigable Michigan senator Carl Levin, James Glanz and Campbell Robertson write:

As if that weren't enough:

Too bad the Times is so hidebound, parochial, and old-school newspaperish that it won't include a link to the National Priorities Project's Cost of War page, which breaks down the tab to U.S. taxpayers at $341.4 million a day and the running total, as I write, as $543,045,201,657. Oops, make that $543,045,394,187.

Those damn Iraqis. We oughta just invade their country.

Daily News: 'Doped-up teen kills couple in Queens wreck: cops'

Bullshit.

The lede sez:

Actually, the kid wasn't "doped-up" enough, but the story doesn't reveal that until the 11th graf:

Marijuana caused this tragedy? If he'd smoked another blunt, he probably wouldn't have been able to even get into the car.

Times: 'Town in China Returns to Normal a Day After a Bold Attack'

Yeah, "normal." Edward Wong's folo on Monday's violence in far-western China ignores recent and ongoing history. The U.S. press swallows the propaganda of China's rulers and calls this "terrorism," but that depends on how you look at it.

China's government is pushing its dominant Han Chinese into historically Uighur territory. So this is like calling the American Indians "terrorists" when the U.S. government encouraged white settlers to push West in the first three centuries of our country's existence. Terror is terror; it's frightening and disgusting. "Terrorist" depends on your point of reference.

There are millions of Uighurs, so what's "normal" for this huge occupied area? The world's most self-prestigious paper needed to background this piece at least a little for its readers' sake. And when the Times doesn't do this, then most of the rest of the lapdog U.S. press, which take their cue from the Times, doesn't bother to do it either, which is why we need to keep ragging on the paper to do its job. And the paper could have done it by checking other mainstream-journo sources and throwing in a paragraph.

For instance, see Terry McCarthy's 1997 story on Time mag's website and from one paragraph you may understand why there was such a brutal attack yesterday in you-never-heard-of-before Kashgar:

For some great right-now photos of China's Far West turbulence, go to The Opposite End of China.

Times: 'Texas Executes Mexican Despite Objections'

You don't have to be a foe of the death penalty to throw this context into the story — which the Times didn't:

Of the top five bloodthirsty countries in the world, the U.S. is fifth and last. And that's the end of the good news from the humaneness perspective. The four other countries are (in order of state-sanctioned bloodthirstiness) China, Iran, Saudi Arabia, and Pakistan.

Note that, of the top five, the U.S. is the only Western country, the only one close to being a democracy, the only "Christian nation," and the country with the most Toyota-sales-event TV ads.

Post: ' 'THRAX DOC'S KIDS FACED FBI'S HEAT'

There was really no reason to abbreviate "anthrax," but somehow it's just right for this hed. Chuck Bennett's ripped-from-a-'40s-teletype lede:

Times: 'Where the Race Now Begins at Kindergarten'

Winnie Hu reports on a really sad story for really small kids who belong to a really tiny percentage of New York's population that can afford non-parochial private schooling:

Thank God the city's public schools are in great shape, as my colleague Nat Hentoff points out.

Post: 'ONE MORE SHOT AT GOTTI: FEDS TRY TO NAIL "JUNIOR" AGAIN BY CHARGING MOB SON WITH 3 SLAYS, COKE DEALING'

"Whacked" is such a cool word. It's sure to outlive the fading era of the Italian-American gangsters.

That's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly word business.

Times: 'Guantánamo Bay Judge Admits Possible Error'

Wait a minute. You mean the "international law of war" is even supposed to be "applied"? Have you checked with George W. Bush's handlers? Or with Alberto Gonzales?

Post: 'PAPERS BARE SOARES' LOVEFEST WITH SPITZER'

Misleading use of the word "lovefest," which has come to mean only one thing in the Spitzer sex lexicon — unless the ex-governor has a previously unrevealed kink involving "kid gloves":

Slate: 'When "Skinny" Means "Black": The weirdest new criticism of Obama' Tim Noah's piece isn't a P.C. piece; it's about a Wall Street Journal may-or-may-not-have-been-a hit piece:

Even though Noah neglected to mention Fat Albert or Biggie Smalls, it's still interesting.

Times: 'Accusations of Sex Abuse Trail Doctor'

Leslie Kaufman gingerly backs into this explosive tale of celebrity pediatrician Melvin D. Levine's having faced years of sexual-abuse allegations. You have to wait until the middle of the sixth graf to read this:

Yes, we can't imagine highly respected people such as doctors or priests behaving in such a criminal way and then being defended by their defenders.

Running down the papers:

Post: 'RX FOR MAC AND BARACK: Rivals both see docs'

Breathtaking lede of the tab's top campaign story of the day:

Can't wait to read the folo stories on the painkillers they used. We're already numb with boredom.

Post: 'KIDNAPPED BY A ROCKEFOOLER'

Rockin' hed for this tight lede:

Just a great headline day for the Post, with this one on NBA corrupt ref Tim Donaghy's claim of mental problems:

'ROGUE REF IS LABELED ODDS BALL'

And this:

'UNWED MA AXED AS TEACHER: SUIT'

And this one about a Giants receiver's mystery injury and other drama:

'AS THE ANKLE TURNS'

But then your breakfast does its own flip-flop when it reaches this hed on Liz Smith's column that threatens to tell us details we don't want to know about one of the ancient columnist's contemporaries:

'QUEEN VICTORIA'S SECRET PANTIES'

Thank God the hed was misleading.

Times: 'Report Faults Aides in Hiring at Justice Dept.'

Winner of the 'Study Reveals Lack of Funds' Headline Contest. Here's Eric Lichtblau's lede:

We knew this at the time — when Pat-Robertson-college-law-school grad Monica Goodling's involvement as a faith-based dimwit Justice aide was revealed — and yet the Times didn't nail it down at the time.

Times: 'Candidates Return Focus to Economy and Jobs'

The promo for Larry Rohter's story:

Does campaign coverage get any lower than this? Learning the candidates' dick sizes would be just as relevant as learning what McCain's "surrogates" (his advisers and campaign flacks) think of Obama's strategies.

What do you think they think?

Rohter's lede graf, in the grand tradition of Pravda-style establishment journalism, is simply paralyzing:

Times: 'Officer Investigated in Toppling of Cyclist'

The lede grafs:

Speaking of amateurs, the Times doesn't even give you a link to the video. So here is the Gothamist link.

Remarkably, however, James Barron's story does throw in these context grafs — and they're high up:

Humdrum AP story with no news — No comment! Stop the presses! — matched by a humdrum hed.

So why is it prominently promoted by the News? Just to get Christian Bale's name in there for "page views" and "hits," the latest obsession by editors of dying rags who finally have some way — even if it's cockamamie — of supposedly quantifying how well their staff does. They'd rather look at those numbers — hopefully high if you do things like mention Christian Bale's name — than do the harder task of paying money for good work and then paying money to present it on well-designed sites and then market it to readers.

Of course, how the (highly questionable) numbers of page views and hits and "visitors" — if you do things like mention Christian Bale's name — actually translate into money is another matter. In the meantime, I'm going to move on from Christian Bale stories and go out and look for that kitten-strangling-by-nude-liberals yarn that, oh God, I hope will be picked up by Drudge.

The fifth most-mailed story on the Daily News site as of this morning? 'How short can she go? Katie debuts a new 'do'

Yeah, well, the sultry Scientologist's hair is still longer than Christian Bale's, which the News neglected to point out while trying to grab you by the short hairs.

I'm still having trouble working in Christian Bale's name. So hit me.

What's happening in Pakistan would ordinarily be poetic justice, in a vigilante sort of way: Lawyers are killing other lawyers.

But any country in which gangs of lawyers are rioting in the streets and are ambulance-calling instead of ambulance-chasing is in trouble.

This Shakespearean drama just shows how Pakistan, the world's sixth most populous country, is breaking down. That's a scary situation in a country that's armed with nukes (thanks to North Korea) and fighter jets (thanks to the U.S.).

As Jurist (the must-read, Pittsburgh-based legal-news site) says:

Now I can think of some lawyers who need to be slapped up side the head — Alberto Gonzales comes to mind, and so does Cheney flunky David Addington — but this is ridiculous.

What if it spreads to New York City? We've got 23,000 members of the Bar right here. Think of the battles. Think of the lawsuits after the battles.

Praise Allah that our lawyers are too busy foreclosing on our mortgages and representing us against foreclosures to waste billable hours on rioting.

Spare us the comparisons between John Durham — the newly named special prosecutor of Interrogate, the CIA tapes scandal — and Plamegate prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald.

The Washington Post succumbs to this typical piece of journalist b.s., noting this morning:

That's the easiest trick in political journalism: Get a quote from someone who shares the small, local stage with Durham — and who doesn't know whether Durham can handle the big stage — and run with it, instead of doing some serious checking to see whether Durham has any frame of reference in dealing with national and international crimes, criminals, and cases. The Post does at least add that caveat:

Durham made his bones by prosecuting GOP Connecticut governor John Rowland for sleazy business dealings. Rowland wound up exiting Hartford and entering prison for a short bid.

Fitzgerald, on the other hand, had vast experience in national and international cases before he tried to hound Scooter Libby. He prosecuted the plotters of the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.

The new attorney general, Mike Mukasey, knows the difference. He presided over that WTC case. But as Bill Kunstler pointed out at the time (read my earlier item here), Mukasey should have recused himself (because he's a fundamentalist Jew) from presiding over the case, which, after all, was against fundamentalist Muslims.

Unfortunately, Durham comes with the recommendation of Kevin O'Connor. Who he? Again from the Post:

Durham is supposedly a guy who's tough on violent criminals. That really sets him apart from other prosecutors. Dealing with White House schmucks is another matter altogether. And this is a monumental chore that requires some nuanced pressuring of true heavyweight schnooks. As this morning's New York Times story says:

Don't expect much, and don't expect it soon.

Sotheby's to sell a raggedy-ass copy next month in New York City. Habeas corpus not included.

With the Lieberman-Kyl Amendment's momentous move toward a pre-emptive strike on Iran, now's as good a time as any to sell off the Magna Carta. As everyone can see, George W. Bush has poked enough holes in it to reduce its value.

In our era of take no prisoners, but if you do, hold them unlawfully at Abu Ghraib, Gitmo and various torture chambers around the world — new AG Michael Mukasey is bound to agree and, more importantly, he'll be much more effective at running that game on us than Alberto Gonzales was. So it makes sense to peddle this piece of civil-liberties paper to the highest bidder.

In December, Sotheby's plans to do just that in New York City. The privately owned copy, dated 1297, is expected to fetch $20 million to $30 million — undercoating included. But after the past seven years of the Bush-Cheney regime's erosion of the ancient document's key provision on habeas corpus, the question is whether it's worth the vellum it's scrawled on.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's appearance in New York City coincides perfectly with the attempt by war hawks Joe Lieberman and Jon Kyl to push us into a pre-emptive strike on Iran. Rapping the Iranian ruler's knuckles was so easy that it was bound to stir up the populace and take their minds off the tragedy in Iraq.

The New Yorker's Seymour Hersh wrote years ago about the current administration's thirst for Persian blood, and various Israeli officials have beat those drums too.

That's all we need: another war to produce more prisoners whose rights of habeas corpus we can deny.