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Yo! Bernie Madoff's victims: the full list -- so far.

SERVED YOU GOT!

You may have seen the PDF version of the latest list of Bernie Madoff's human and corporate victims. If not, check it out.

See my colleague Roy Edroso's riff on the list. I'm trying to post a text version of the entire roster of willing suckers, but our server is gagging on the size. Anyone have a Bloomberg machine? May I borrow it? May the SEC borrow it?

Mike Bloomberg launches preemptive trip to Israel; invasion of NYC unlikely


Waltz With Bashir, a movie that sprang from a previous Israeli invasion of Lebanon, won Best Picture from the National Society of Film Critics. A free Madoff Watch T-shirt to the reader who suggests the best title for the first movie spurred by Israel's current invasion of Gaza.


PRESS CLIPS

On an overseas trip while Rome burns, Mike Bloomberg is acting as if term limits remained intact and he couldn't run for another term.

The mayor's in Israel, having a "blast," as the Post puts it, during the invasion of Gaza.

While the rest of the city's inhabitants are facing an onrushing New Depression, Bloomberg is occupied with the occupiers. Focusing primarily on getting his aides to make sure he stays alive, the mayor's not exactly concentrating on the crisis back home. How does a New York City mayor keep schools, health clinics, transit service, and libraries from being slashed? He dunno.

Meanwhile, a woman was slashed while jogging behind Gracie Mansion. If Bloomberg had been at home, he (or his valet) might have peeked out the window and shooed away her attacker.

Lots of other news follows, for the all the good it will do you. Plus, at the end of this aggregation, see a cluster of Madoff Watch items...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Editor & Publisher: 'Media Commentary Muted as Israel Invades'

N.Y. Post: 'BLOOMBERG HAS 'BLAST' IN ISRAEL: TAKES SHELTER AFTER ROCKET ROCKS HIS "BOOM!" TOWN VISIT'

Wall Street Journal: 'U.S. Transition Slows Negotiations Over Gaza'

N.Y. Times: 'Gaza Hospital Fills Up, Mainly With Civilians'

Bloomberg: 'Israel Troops Drive Deep Into Gaza; Sarkozy Leads Truce Effort'

N.Y. Times: 'Activist Unmasks Himself as Federal Informant in G.O.P. Convention Case'

Vanity Fair: 'The Good, the Bad, and Joe Lieberman' (James Wolcott)

Bloomberg: 'Journal of a Plague Year: Faith in Markets Cracks Under Losses'

N.Y. Times: 'The End of the Financial World as We Know It' (Michael Lewis)

N.Y. Post: 'SLAY RAPS IN CRANE TRAGEDY'

It has been a year of record misery: the largest bankruptcy, bank failure and Ponzi scheme in U.S. history; $720 billion in writedowns and losses by financial institutions; $30.1 trillion in market valuation wiped out.

Bloomberg: 'Buffett Has "Nowhere to Hide" Amid Berkshire's Plunge'

N.Y. Times: 'For Israel, Chance to Strike Before an Ally Departs'

N.Y. Post: 'QNS. SLASHER HUNT: WOMAN, 86, BRUTALIZED IN HER BED'

N.Y. Times: 'Woman Slashed While Jogging in Park Behind Gracie Mansion'

Vanity Fair: 'The Ultimate Bubble?'

Media Week: 'Kathy Griffin In Hot Water Over Comments on CNN'

Gawker: 'Kathy Griffin's "Dicks" Banned From Times, "Magic Negro" OK'

Bloomberg: 'Engines of Recovery Flame Out as Economy Seeks Obama-Fed Rescue'

N.Y. Times: 'Blood Sugar Control Linked to Memory Decline, Study Says'

Wall Street Journal: 'Israel's Ground Assault Marks Strategy Shift'

N.Y. Post: 'GRAN GETS BOOT FOR CHRISTMAS'

Gawker: 'Scientology Founder Slams Drugs That Might Have Saved Travolta's Son'

Bloomberg: 'Obama Moves to Counter China With Pentagon-NASA Link'

Crain's New York Business: 'Stress and the city: New York is gripped by fear. Are we headed back to the bad old days of the 1970s?'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Mayor Bloomberg whisked into bomb shelter in Israel as rocket fire erupts during solidarity trip'

N.Y. Post: 'FISHY NUPTIALS FIASCO'

A proud father wanted the best for his daughter on her wedding day, but the fairy-tale event turned into a $100,000 fiasco that ended with the blushing bride kneeling over the toilet vomiting...

N.Y. Post: 'FUMING MAD: SUIT OVER WEDDING MONOXIDE'

A Long Island couple whose wedding celebration evaporated in a cloud of carbon monoxide is still furious over unpaid expenses for the ruined reception...

Daily Beast: 'Carnival of the Shameless: What do Dubya, Blago, Bernie Madoff, and Roland Burris have in common? No regrets!' (Christopher Buckley)

N.Y. Post: 'NARCO COP 'ROID SLAP'

New York: 'Stephon Marbury May Soon Destroy Celtics'

N.Y. Daily News: '"I'm not guilty," yells bus driver'

New York: 'The Catastrophe Capitalist: Short-seller Jim Chanos is having the time of his life through this crisis'

Muckety: 'Ties to former Paterson aide may help Caroline Kennedy'

Crain's New York Business: 'Thacher Proffitt: case closed: Downward spiral touched off by mortgage crisis claims its most prominent legal victim'

Crain's New York Business: 'Residential permits down 74% in November'

Crain's New York Business: 'Majority of arts groups cutting back'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Analysis: Gov. leaving Kennedy in limbo'

N.Y. Post: 'SUPPORT FOR BUS MATRON: DISPATCHER FINGERED'

Crain's New York Business: 'Hard Times: News brand shops assets to cut debt'

In the past year, The New York Times Co. has slashed the dividend it pays investors by 75%, cut the companywide head count by 8%, raised the newsstand price of the flagship paper while merging its sections, and consolidated two New York area printing plants into one.

Big steps, but apparently not big enough. The world's foremost newspaper brand ended 2008 with its stock price down more than 60%. To raise $225 million to pay down long-term debt, the company is planning a sale-leaseback of part of its Renzo Piano-designed headquarters. It is also actively shopping its minority stake in the Boston Red Sox baseball team.

Like every other newspaper publisher, the Times Co. is grappling with an unprecedented collapse in print advertising and a dramatic slowdown in online ad growth. In the first nine months of 2008, revenues fell 7%, to $2.2 billion. Meanwhile, net income--which was boosted in the year-earlier period by the sale of the company's broadcast unit--plunged 92%, to $27.3 million. The company, which has roughly $1 billion in debt, is negotiating with lenders over the more than $600 million in loans that are coming due this year and next.


MADOFF WATCH

Bloomberg: 'SEC Said to Examine More Ponzi Schemes After Madoff'

FOX News: 'Report: Former Madoff Employees Selling Memorabilia on eBay'

New Yorker: 'Cheat, Pray, Love'

Crain's New York: 'Milberg rides Madoff: Scandal-plagued law firm rebuilds image, representing Ponzi scheme victims'

Huffington Post: 'Madoff Employees Still Being Paid Despite Nothing To Do'

Wall Street Journal: 'Why the Bernie Madoff Scandal Is a Good Thing'

Wall Street Journal: 'Madoff Gives Prosecutors Details of His, Firm's Assets'

Muckety: 'Even Dr. Doom invested with Madoff'

Wall Street Journal: 'How the SEC Can Prevent More Madoffs: Bolster its risk-assessment and enforcement staff'

Wall Street Journal: 'Madoff Chasers Dug for Years, to No Avail'

Wall Street Journal: 'Madoff Took Funds Near Arrest'

ABC: 'The Safeguard Madoff Victims Missed: How Custodial Accounts at Banks Can Help Avoid Madoff-Type Schemes'

Drop a ball on Times Square! Drop a bomb on Gaza!


An agitprop video from the Israeli government. See the Forward's "YouTube Yanks Israeli Army Videos."

PRESS CLIPS Who would have guessed that, with the end of the disastrous Bush regime in sight, we would have been so gloomy on New Year's Eve 2008?

You'd think this would be a time of celebration, or at least some happy whistling to ourselves as we sweep out Dick Cheney's accumulated droppings from the past eight years.

But the dropping's not done, and the deepest suffering is yet to come, as the fallout from Wall Street's wreckage turns from flurries tonight on Times Square into a blizzard next year throughout the country.

It figures that Arctic temps are swooping in to make this an especially cold night in the city.

Global warning: It's hot in the Middle East, where bombs are dropping on Gaza (with Mayor Mike Bloomberg's support). And, to put it mildly, it's intemperate elsewhere: Aside from the numerous places like the auto junkyard in Detroit, builders and contractors will soon be dropping even those skilled workers who never drop tools. At this rate, things will be so bad by next Christmas that even Jesus's dad wouldn't be able to get a carpentry gig.

The shakes aren't typically a warning sign of an onrushing depression, but everybody's got them, especially bosses. The city's dropping Snapple from its vending machines, and one of Mike Bloomberg's aides is dropping his feverish P.R. campaign to give Princess Caroline Kennedy the vacant Senate seat. (See the Post's "MIKE'S AIDE COOLING HIS CAROLINE PUSH."

A whole lotta droppin' goin' on. As usual, few of those who are dropping the ball aren't themselves getting dropped.

And then there are those millions of Americans who wish that Bernie Madoff would simply drop dead. If it does happen, I hope it's on my watch.

Now it turns out, as the Madoff yarn keeps unraveling, that his outrageous behavior is dearly costing a slew of organizations like Human Rights Watch and Human Rights First (see this Bloomberg list), in addition to the big and small charities we already knew about.

So, Happy New Year to civil libertarians everywhere!

Madoff's not the only source of grief. Many journalists are being dropped every day — prompting a jeremiad (in both senses of the word) for Nat Hentoff, a modern-day Jeremiah who I'm pretty sure was a contemporary of the prophet himself. (For Hentoff, I'll drop an IBM Selectric typeball tonight in Times Square; it's the most I can do.)

Whatever you drop, hang onto your laptop. You need it to click on these stories ...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Bloomberg: 'Americans Under 70 May Find 2008 Was Their Least Favorite Year'

N.Y. Times: 'Glamour Still Rules, but With Fewer Debutantes'

Subtle signs of the recession were on display at the International Debutante Ball at the Waldorf-Astoria.

N.Y. Post: 'UNREAL ESTATE PLUNGE: FISCAL CRISIS HITS HOME AS LOCAL PRICES FALL 7.5 PERCENT'

Crain's New York Business: 'Foreclosure suit filed against developers'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Gaza Strip invasion is right thing to do, Mike Bloomberg says'

N.Y. Times: 'No Mug? Drug Makers Cut Out Goodies for Doctors'

Jewish Daily Forward: 'Even With Aid, Groups Scramble To Cope With Post-Madoff Mess'

N.Y. Post: '"SOFT" DRINK SALES: CITY YANKING SNAPPLE'

Crain's New York Business: 'Big projects mask declines in construction spending'

N.Y. Times: 'Village Voice Lays Off Nat Hentoff and 2 Others'

N.Y. Post: 'CONEY GRINCH BOOTS BOUTIQUE'

N.Y. Times: 'After Unofficial Tally, Senator Trails Rival in Minnesota Race'

Crain's New York Business: 'Yeshiva revises Madoff losses to just $14.5M'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Bernie Burns Bacon: Actors Kevin Bacon, Kyra Sedgwick among Bernie Madoff victims'

N.Y. Times: 'SAT Changes Policy, Opening Rift With Colleges'

Jewish Daily Forward: 'YouTube Yanks Israeli Army Videos'

YouTube has removed videos that the Israeli army posted as part of a public relations effort to rally world opinion behind its operation in Gaza.

On December 29, the IDF began posting videos of its aerial strikes. The rationale was that it wanted to support the claim that it is not targeting civilians, but rather Hamas targets -- especially rockets destined for Israel.

N.Y. Times: 'Madoff Spotlight Turns to Role of Offshore Funds'

N.Y. Post: 'SPINNING WHEELS OF JUSTICE'

You go, Equinox! A Manhattan judge has let the gym chain off the hook in a lawsuit over an infamous spin class that went bad when one spinner attacked another for grunting and yelling things ...

Bloomberg: 'Macy's, New York Times Haunted by Debt Loads From Ill-Timed Stock Buybacks'

Macy's Inc., Gannett Co. and New York Times Co.'s attempts to prop up their stocks with debt- funded buybacks have left them saddled with higher borrowing costs as they work to pay off loans.

N.Y. Post: 'GET SET FOR A COLD LANG SYNE: ARCTIC TEMPS IN TIMES SQUARE FOR NEW YEAR'S BASH'

Bloomberg: 'Texaco Toxic Past Haunts Chevron as Judgment Looms'

N.Y. Times: 'In 2009, Economy Will Depend on Unlocking Credit'

N.Y. Times: 'Ad Agencies Fashion Their Own Horn, and Toot It'

N.Y. Times: 'Still Paging Mr. Salinger'

N.Y. Times: 'As Another Memoir Is Faked, Trust Suffers'

N.Y. Times: 'Films Reach Theaters a Drib Here, Drab There'

Bloomberg: 'Dollar Heads for Biggest Annual Drop Against Yen in Two Decades'

N.Y. Daily News: 'CHURCH-FLEECE PONZI RAP'

Brett Favre just the last bailout to fail New York City. Next star in East? Caroline Kennedy.

PRESS CLIPSWell, just another bailout that didn't work. Brett Favre was supposed to save the New York Jets, which would have made the city's sports fans happy, though not as happy as those Wall Streeters in their stadium skyboxes.

But in the middle of a boom — the Jets were 8-3 and seemed a cinch for the NFL playoffs — Favre imploded and the team collapsed.

Hubris pays off. And then it doesn't.

Take it from me, America, you know you're headed for a major depression when even the usual distractions stop working.

But as the late Albert Ellis used to say to us neurotics hurtling toward a great depression: Separate your irrational thoughts from your rational ones. It's not your fault, America, that the games that took your mind off real-world or self-induced worries no longer keep you from sliding into full-blown anhedonia.

Play the following Ellis tape, instead of the one currently in your brain:

As the blunt Ellis would have pointed out, "Fuck what other people think! Get rational about it! Get over it! Stop your whining! Work at it!" (And yes, he used such language, even at age 90, in his memorable Friday night cheapo public sessions on the Upper East Side.)

Speaking of depression and games: Greed — not the usual greed but the excessive type — did in the Jets the way excessive greed did in Wall Street. The Jets suddenly collapsed and their already-shaky hopes for the playoffs dissolved.

Both NYC teams in the NFL playoffs? No joy.

Who's the next candidate to save the city? Caroline Kennedy. Big news this weekend, at least according to the Daily News, which snagged an interview with the princess. Ooooh, a scoop.

The headline? "Caroline Kennedy tells Daily News: I wouldn't be beholden to anybody."

True, she wouldn't be beholden to her strong supporter Mayor Mike Bloomberg. The story?:

"I'm really coming into this as somebody who isn't, you know, part of the system, who obviously, you know, stands for the values of, you know, the Democratic Party," Kennedy told the Daily News Saturday during a wide-ranging interview.

True, she's not part of the system. In fact, she's a dilettante who would be getting a high office solely because of her name.

Further proof that Caroline Kennedy is telling the truth when she says she "isn't, you know, part of the system": As the Daily News reported December 19, she doesn't even vote:

Caroline Kennedy wants to be the next senator from New York, but her voting record is already spotty, the Daily News has found.

City Board of Elections records show Kennedy has failed to vote in many elections since she registered in the city in 1988 - including votes for the Senate seat she hopes to fill and numerous Democratic faceoffs for mayor.

"It doesn't speak to a deep-felt commitment to the electoral process," Baruch College political scientist Doug Muzzio said when told of Kennedy's ballot breakdowns.

JFK's legacy? Caroline is a legacy, the way a rich, disinterested playboy like George W. Bush got into Yale not on his own merits but because his politician daddy, George H.W. Bush, went to Yale and Junior was what the school considered a "legacy."

And people like the Bushes are opposed to affirmative action? What do think the collegiate system of "legacies" is? It's affirmative action for rich white people.

Here's a real legacy: After thousands of years of fighting over land, the death dance between Arabs and Jews has come to what media outlets are calling the "bloodiest hit" by Israel in 60 years: "HELL FIRE RAINS ON GAZA."

At least you're just fighting for your job, not your survival. You think things are bad? Think about those little girls in Kurdistan who are being routinely circumcised.

That's an old story in much of the world. More bad news that's more immediate ...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

The Age (Australia): 'Israel: We will not stop' [VIDEO]

Bloomberg: 'Virginity Pledges Fail to Trump Teen Lust in Look at Older Data'

Register (U.K.): 'Walmart's Jesus Phone no better, no worse: Save two bucks!'

N.Y. Post: 'Dump 'em: Losers Mangini, Favre must go'

The Age (Australia): 'More children reported dead in latest Gaza strikes'

Register (U.K.): 'Crash survivor Twitters from burning plane (false): Geek micro-blogged from safety'

N.Y. Daily News: '15-year-old girl arrested in brutal Bronx stabbing'

N.Y. Post: 'HAMAS-CIDE: ISRAEL SET FOR GROUND RAID'

N.Y. Times: 'Suicide Bombs Kill 20 in Afghanistan'

ABC: 'Many Questions Left in Bush Scandals'

Register (U.K.): 'Giant US air travel data suck fails own privacy tests, but gets cleared anyway'

Reuters: 'SCENARIOS: Assessing risks of India, Pakistan confrontation'

Washington Post: 'Blagojevich on the Way Out, Says Illinois' No. 2'

Wall Street Journal: 'Latin American Investors Quiet on Madoff Losses'

Wealthy investors in Latin America appear to be among big losers in the Ponzi scheme allegedly orchestrated by Bernard Madoff.

N.Y. Times: 'Veterans of '90s Bailout Hope for Profits in New One'

Register (U.K.): '101 uses for a former merchant banker'

N.Y. Times: 'Murders by Black Teenagers Rise, Bucking a Trend'

Wall Street Journal: 'The Weekend That Wall Street Died'

The financial crisis that began with the collapse of Lehman Brothers marked sharp change by Wall Street bosses from banding together to every man for himself.

N.Y. Times: 'Romance and Recovery in Quake-Devastated Area'

Washington Post: 'An Experiment in Mastering Risk'

System created to lock in profits and operate in regulation gaps eventually reduces AIG to ruins.

We're saved! Yankees bail out New York City!

PRESS CLIPS Don't worry if you've been laid off, your kid's school has closed, your neighborhood's community center has had to shut down, your bank (revitalized by your tax money) is pestering you to turn over your home, the prices of booze and cigarettes have gone up again, subway fares are soaring, you couldn't afford to buy more than lumps of coal for your Christmas stocking, Bernie Madoff stole your gelt.

Taking the sting out of that: The Yanks signed Mark Texeira for $180 million in guaranteed money.

The local rags reported the great news as breathlessly as any hometown hack hinterlands newspaper would. From the Daily News:

In bagging free agents Teixeira, CC Sabathia, and A.J. Burnett, the Yankees have committed a guaranteed $423.5 million to those three contracts at a cost that will average $62 million a year. ...

Teixeira's contract pays him $22.5 million a year and includes a $5 million signing bonus as well as a no-trade clause. Together with Sabathia, Alex Rodriguez, and Derek Jeter, the Yankees have the four highest-paid players in baseball.

Rodriguez will make $32 million this year and (for now) gets to fuck Madonna.

You — and ordinary New Yorkers like you — helped make it all possible with hundreds of millions of dollars in public subsidies and free land. Take some pride in that. Even if you can't afford tickets to the games. Give yourself a pat on the back.

You also made New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon happy; the Mets got public money for their new stadium, making it possible for them to afford their new players.

But Wilpon wasn't as lucky as Alex Rodriguez. Fred got fucked, but it was Bernie Madoff who turned the trick and it cost Fred $500 million.

Aside from that, more good news for the rich people you subsidize: If you're one of those people who rents from city slumlord Isaac Toussie, raise a toast to him: George W. Bush just granted him a pardon.

Put a bucket under those drips and click on these ...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Washington Post: 'The Dispirit of Christmas Present'

It's beginning to look a not like Christmas, everywhere you don't go.

Slate: 'Bogus Trend of the Week: Booming Evangelical Attendance'

A Gallup editor punctures a religion bubble at the New York Times. ...

Ordinarily when the Times traffics in a trend story, it indemnifies itself by quoting a skeptic on the other side of the issue or it tosses off a "to be sure" paragraph noting the weakness of its anecdotal evidence. Not here. Given this leap of faith, let's hope the Times isn't looking into the existence of Santa Claus. Imagine the headline: "Despite Naysayers, Hundreds of Millions Believe in St. Nick."

McClatchy: 'Salmon-tracking network upends some sacred cows'

Slate: 'Blago's Legal Eagles'

They're the guys who defended R. Kelly. Can they get the Illinois governor off the hook, too?

Wall Street Journal: 'Madoff Scheme Takes New Toll'

A sharper picture is emerging about the investigation into the alleged fraud by Madoff, how it evolved to ensnare bigger clients and how long it went on. ...

Earliest suspicions now date back to '91.

Slate: 'Cheney Fought the Law. Cheney Won.'

N.Y. Post: 'EX-BROKER FACES "HEDGE HOG" RAP'

A former securities broker was charged yesterday with helping disgraced lawyer Marc Dreier trick hedge-fund managers into making more than $380 million in bogus investments, authorities said. Kosta Kovachev, who lost his broker's license after being implicated in a time-share Ponzi scheme, is accused of impersonating various real-estate execs as part of Dreier's elaborate scam to sell hedge funds phony promissory notes, according to the feds.

Kovachev, 57, and Dreier reportedly sneaked into the Manhattan offices of Solow Realty to meet with hedge-fund representatives in October. During that meeting, Kovachev pretended to be the company's controller, according to a Manhattan federal court complaint.

L.A. Times: 'Chinese seek to pull cats from the menu'

Wall Street Journal: 'Obama, Two Aides Questioned in Probe'

N.Y. Post: 'PITY PONZI-POOR PENNEY'

Washington Post: 'SEC Chair Defends His Restraint'

Christopher Cox says agency's measured response to crisis has been his greatest contribution.

N.Y. Post: 'CITY BIGS FACE DEUTSCHE GRILL'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Suicide not a shock to other Madoff victims'

Washington Post: 'Madoff Investor Found Dead in Office'

Rene-Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet was found sitting at his desk at about 8 a.m. with both wrists slashed ... A box cutter was found on the floor along with a bottle of sleeping pills on his desk. No suicide note was found. ...

His fund enlisted intermediaries with links to the cream of Europe's high society to garner clients.

Among them was Philippe Junot, a French businessman and friend who is the former husband of Princess Caroline of Monaco.

De la Villehuchet, the former chairman and chief executive of Credit Lyonnais Securities, also was known as a keen sailor who regularly participated in regattas and was a member of the New York Yacht Club.

N.Y. Post: 'GOOD, BAD AND UGLY IN CITY CRIME STATS'

American Forces Press Service: 'Commander in Chief Recalls His "Great Days"'

McClatchy: 'California will see clout increase at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue'

N.Y. Post: 'SHEL SHOCKER: BEWARE CAROLINE, HE WARNS GOV'

Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver yesterday strongly suggested that Gov. Paterson reject Hillary Rodham Clinton's replacement - because she might be more loyal to Mayor Bloomberg than to the governor.

McClatchy: 'Flaunting, sales of luxury goods down'

BBC: 'Cocoa prices hit a 23-year-high'

... Cocoa traded in the US has also been rising, although not as strongly because of the strength of the dollar.

BBC: 'Dung souvenir based on holy phrase'

BBC: 'Sopranos actor cleared of murder'

BBC: 'NY Times admits to fake letter'

Washington Post: 'Shoe-Thrower Is Called Defiant'

Telegraph (U.K.): 'Pope says humanity needs "saving" from homosexuality'

N.Y. Times: 'Betrayed by Madoff, school adds lesson'

Jurist: 'Russia upper house gives final approval to presidential term extension amendments'

Jurist: 'Australia government lifts control order on ex-Guantanamo detainee Hicks'

Guardian (U.K.): 'Animal rights activists still target lab'

Four guilty of six-year campaign against companies linked to Huntingdon Life Sciences knowledge

L.A. Times: 'Afghanistan's President Karzai laments coalition use of "thugs"'

The leader of Afghanistan faults U.S.-led forces, saying they have hired warlords who have then been sent to mistreat ordinary Afghans.

Another rich putz gets bailout money

PRESS CLIPS Desperate after a season of utter failure from their bullpen bailout corps, the Mets have traded for J.J. Putz.

It's not our fault that he pronounces his name "puts." This is New York City. Maybe he's not a jerk, but P-U-T-Z is "putz."

And the former Seattle relief pitcher's numbers back that up. He'll make $5 million in 2009 and — while the city will be suffering through a full-on depression in 2010 — he'll rake in $8.6 million.

The guy pitched 46 innings last season, so at that rate the Mets will be paying him about $100,000 an inning.

That makes him Putz with a capital P.

There could be a bright side to this deal. Now that he's a Met, stores will carry New York baseball jerseys adorned with his name. If Bloomberg wanted to do something other than try to make us stop smoking, he could require any Wall Street execs whose companies are receiving bailout money to wear those "PUTZ" jerseys.

All jokes are wearing thin ...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

N.Y. Daily News: '17,000 kids have no school library'

More than 17,000 students in at least 42 schools in the poorest sections of the Bronx lack library access due to budget cuts and overcrowding, the Daily News has found.

N.Y. Times: 'Massacre Unfurls in Congo, Despite Nearby Support'

The Age (Australia): 'Flaccid economies lead to lay-offs in Europe's brothels'

Now 40 brothels in [the small Czech town Dubi] have shrunk to just four — the others have turned into golf shops or goulash restaurants.

"Two or three years ago, we would get 1,000 men coming here for sex on a Friday night, which is a lot for a town of 8,000 people," said Mayor Petr Pipal. "The one good thing about the economic crisis is that it has impacted so severely on the sex trade."

Jan-Phillip Buergermann, a brothel owner in Frankfurt, said: "I have offered free Viagra, free porn and cut the rates of the girls by 40 per cent, but business is down 45 per cent — it's really terrible."

N.Y. Post: 'COPS SLAY "BAT" DAD IN BX.'

A Bronx father defending his stepdaughter's honor was shot to death by a plainclothes cop after he ignored repeated orders to freeze and came at the officer with a raised baseball bat, the NYPD said yesterday.

The wife and stepdaughter of victim Alex Figueroa, 40, witnessed the bloodshed Tuesday night and disputed the police account, saying ...

Bloomberg: 'Foreclosure Storm Will Hit U.S. in 2009 as Loan Changes Fail'

N.Y. Times: 'Carbon Dioxide (No SUV's) Detected on Distant Planet'

Times (U.K.): 'Tesco slashes prices 50 percent in pre-Christmas sale'

UK's biggest supermarket will axe prices tomorrow, fuelling speculation it is losing cash-strapped shoppers to rivals.

N.Y. Times: 'Scandal Is an Early Test for Obama Team'

Register (U.K.): 'Is filming someone in the street a breach of privacy?'

A 40-year-old woman is suing a Croatian TV station after it filmed her in public and then featured her in a documentary about obesity. Gordana Knezic was shopping in Zagreb and did not know that she was being filmed, Ananova reports.

N.Y. Times: 'Officials Say Jackson Was "Candidate 5" in Blagojevich Case'

Washington Post: 'Candidate 5 Stumps for Senate Seat From Hot Seat' (Dana Milbank)

Move over, Client No. 9. The capital has a new man of mystery: Senate Candidate 5.

Not since Eliot Spitzer did his business at the Mayflower Hotel has there been so much excitement over an unnamed person in a federal criminal case. Client 9 may have paid for sex, but Candidate 5 was willing to pay for a Senate seat -- or so claimed Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, according to the feds.

The guessing game didn't last very long yesterday before Candidate 5 more or less outed himself. ...

The son of the civil rights leader performed all the usual rituals for a man suddenly in the middle of a scandal. He professed his innocence ("I am not a target of the investigation"), his humanity (he choked up while speaking of a supportive text message from his sister), his willingness to cooperate with "the hardworking men and women of the United States attorney's office," and, of course, his refusal to take questions on advice of counsel.

N.Y. Post: 'METS LAND PUTZ, SHIP HEILMAN IN 3-TEAM TRADE'

Times (U.K.): 'Cholera ravages population weak with hunger in Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe'

Times (U.K.): 'Mugabe: "There is no cholera in Zimbabwe"'

Washington Post: 'Nobel Winner to Energy Dept.'

Physicist Steven Chu chosen as energy secretary; Browner, two others get climate posts.

Scotsman (U.K.): 'PM mocked for "we saved world" gaffe'

Gordon Brown was mercilessly mocked yesterday by MPs after a blundering boast that he had "saved the world."

The Prime Minister was defending his economic rescue plan before MPs during Prime Minister's Questions.

A red-faced Mr Brown was shouted down by heckling MPs and was forced to sit down until the Speaker of the Commons could restore order.

N.Y. Daily News: 'Federal prosecutors eye N.J. capo from Genovese family in 2005 trial rubout'

Washington Post: 'Bailout Clears House, Faces Hurdles in Senate'

Bill speeding $14 billion to domestic automakers next goes to Senate, where approval is dicey; many in GOP doubt aid will save Detroit.

Washington Post: 'Chuck E. Cheese, Beer and Violence'

Washington Post: 'Illegal Workers in Chertoff Home'

Secret Service missed cleaning firm's illegal workers at Homeland Security Secretary's home.

Register (U.K.): 'Bollywood to remake The Italian Job: "Lots of singing and dancing"'

Washington Post: 'Gates: More brigades to Afghanistan by summer'

Washington Post: 'U.S. Troops Mistakenly Kill Six Afghan Policemen' (Candace Rondeaux)

U.S. Special Forces troops in southeastern Afghanistan killed six Afghan policemen and wounded 13 Wednesday in an incident that Afghan and U.S. officials said was a case of mistaken identity.

The Age (Australia): 'Strikes and violence: Greece paralysed'

Stop the presses! Jews, Arabs eat in the same general vicinity in NYC!

That's the best news from the Saudis' interfaith public-relations fest at the U.N.

bush-abdullah180.jpgIt was billed as a unique interfaith conference of religious leaders organized and hosted at the U.N. HQ in NYC by King Abdullah.

And it really wasn't — thanks to the very same King Abdullah.

You have to say, though, that the guy is touchy-feely. He's the Saudi monarch known for holding hands with a variety of world leaders while OK'ing the chopping off of sinners' hands in his own country.

Just to show you how bitter the Middle East is, it was big news at the U.N. conference that Jewish and Arab pols really did kinda share a meal, as the press reported today. But don't get your hopes up.

Well, raise them a little. The BBC reports:

Israeli President Shimon Peres and Arab leaders including King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia have attended the same dinner at the UN offices in New York.

The joint attendance is a first for the two leaders, whose countries lack diplomatic ties, but reports said there was no contact between the men.

They are attending a two-day UN meeting promoting dialogue on religion and culture, proposed by Saudi Arabia.

But wait a sec before you celebrate this gathering of Muslim, Jewish, and Christian clerics.

The sharp New York Times reporter Neil MacFarquhar wrote a good preview yesterday about the vaunted conference:

Saudi Arabia, which deploys a special police force to ensure that a narrow sect of Islam predominates in the kingdom, is sponsoring a discussion at the United Nations on religious tolerance starting Wednesday. . . .

But human rights groups are crying foul that Saudi Arabia is being given a platform to promote religious tolerance abroad while actively combating it at home.

"It’s like apartheid South Africa having a conference at the U.N. on racial harmony," said Ali al-Ahmed, a Shiite Muslim dissident from Saudi Arabia based in Washington.

And even a far more radical Muslim source agrees with that Shiite dissident. The London-based Palestinian-expat paper Al-Quds al-Arabi notes, according to the Middle East Times:

While some have praised the Saudi-sponsored interfaith conference to be held this week at the United Nations among world leaders, others have criticized this meeting as a public relations stunt by Saudi Arabia.

The kingdom's prominent scholars, including the grand mufti (the state's top religious authority), are not attending the conference; sources in New York told Al-Quds al-Arabi that the Saudi delegation includes only dozens of princes without any Muslim clerics.

King Abdullah is certainly not the first imperial schnook getting the royal treatment in the city — Uzbekistan's Islam Karimov chatted in Mayor Mike Bloomberg's office and laid a wreath at Ground Zero, and Dick Cheney was feted at the 2004 Republican National Convention.

And it's not as if the U.N. conference is the first ballyhooed bullshit meeting in the city. But right now it's the most interesting one — because of who's not there and who didn't actually eat at the same table and didn't talk with one another.

At Ninth and Broadway, on the other hand, Jews and Arabs really have been spotted ordering food from the same Halal vendor. And standing in the same line. And even talking with one another.

Daily Flog: Economy, Iraq missions accomplished, Bush finally tries Afghanistan rescue

bush-and-barney240.jpgIt turns out that Hurricane Katrina — at least the Bush regime's late reaction to it — wasn't a once-in-a-century event.

After the administration let the economy and various wars veer out of control, the administration is wading into Wall Street to rescue bankers and thinking about rescuing homeowners. Now it's even considering negotiating to rescue our troops from Afghanistan.

What's next? A withdrawal from Iraq?

The Afghanistan situation is so serious that as the Wall Street Journal reports ("U.S. Mulls Talks With Taliban in Bid to Quell Afghan Unrest"):

The U.S. is actively considering talks with elements of the Taliban, the armed Islamist group that once ruled Afghanistan and sheltered al Qaeda, in a major policy shift that would have been unthinkable a few months ago.

But until late summer 2001, the Bush regime was muddling along in a generally uncontroversial way when the unthinkable (not to the regime) happened on 9/11. That tragedy unleashed the Bush regime on the world. So far, his administration has wrecked Iraq, made a bad situation in Afghanistan worse, and presided over a historic Wall Street crash that threatens the entire world economy.

That's three exhibits right there for the new George W. Bush Presidential Libary being erected in Dallas. It would be nice if the libary put those three exhibits in the same hall, next to the Pet Goat Reading Room, which would display the August 2001 Presidential Daily Briefing with the same kind of reverence that real libraries afford the U.S. Constitution.

Bush's job as president is almost finished; there are no more worlds to conquer us. Unless, as Mike Bloomberg has done in New York City, Bush's handlers try to undemocratically erase term limits so he can serve a third term.

Is there a groundswell for abolishing presidential term limits? While you're being pinned to the ground by current events, listen for one. . . .

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Salem-News.com: 'Hell Freezes Over: White House Drug Czar Backs Decriminalization'

Wall Street Journal: 'Rescue Plan Faces Delays In Hiring Asset Managers'

BBC: 'NATO's Afghan forces "hit limit" '

CNN: 'Global stocks rebound'

Wall Street Journal: 'Crisis Deals New Blow to Japan: Country's Top Bank in Capital Shortfall; Stocks at '82 Levels'

New York: 'Stimulus in Pinstripes: Why the Yankees will renounce their smart, sustainable team-building strategy and start spending like drunken lunatics again.'

Wall Street Journal: 'Post-Enron Crackdown Comes Up Woefully Short'
". . . Today's financial crisis has shown what a real debacle looks like. And it has made clear that executives' duties to public companies have, if anything, been loosened, not reinforced. What is worse, the post-Enron crackdown appears not only to have failed to stop flagrant corporate risk-taking, but to have lulled Washington to sleep."

Reuters: 'Skinheads held over plot to kill Obama'

Slate: 'Countdown to the Obama Rapture: Watch as the press corps battles its performance anxiety!' (Jack Shafer)
". . . if Obama wins, these scribes know that they'll be facing the toughest assignment of their careers. They've all oversubscribed to the notion that Obama's candidacy is momentous, without parallel, and earth-shattering, so they can't file garden-variety pieces about the 'winds of change' blowing through Washington."

N.Y. Post: 'PATERSON WOULD BEAT RUDY: POLL'

N.Y. Jewish Week: 'New Tactics By Settlers Worrying Authorities'

Slate: 'How Bad Are Electronic Voting Machines?'

McClatchy: 'McCain pushed regulators for land swap, despite pledge'

N.Y. Times: 'The Drug Czar’s Report Card: F'

Slate: 'Middle-Aged Feminists Longing for Their Father's Money'

N.Y. Times: 'Rice Visits Mexico for a Meeting About Its Drug War'

Slate: 'Registering Doubt: If we can nationalize banks, why not our election process?'

Dawn (Pakistan): 'Barbaric killing of teenager unfolds'
". . . was first thrown before hungry dogs and when she was mauled by them and in the jaws of death, she was riddled with bullets."

N.Y. Daily News: 'Ma charged in vicious mop-handle slay of 11-year-old daughter'

L.A. Times: 'McCain was frank, garrulous and accessible -- and then he wasn't'

Guardian (U.K.): 'The cost of the crash: $2,800,000,000,000'

N.Y. Post: 'DA EYES COPS IN SODOMY'

Human Rights Watch: 'Confessions of a former Guantanamo prosecutor'

McClatchy: 'As clock ticks, U.S. letting thousands of Iraqi prisoners go'

N.Y. Times: 'Can I Get an Arrgh?'

BuzzFlash: 'Memo to Palin: Fruit Fly Researchers Receive Nobel Prize for Medicine for Advancing the Understanding of Birth Defects in Humans'

Slate: 'Texts You Can Believe In: Forget robo-calls -- Obama's text messages are this campaign's secret weapon'

McClatchy: 'Slowing British economy could send immigrants home'

Guardian (U.K.): 'BP smashes forecasts as profits soar 148 percent'
"Oil giant BP has reaped the benefits of this summer's record oil prices, smashing all forecasts with a 148 percent rise in third-quarter profits. The figures are likely to spark fresh protests from motorists and businesses that have been hit hard by higher petrol prices."

RadioAustralia: 'China tries to kick start housing sector'

BBC: 'Arctic ice thickness "plummets" '

Wall Street Journal: 'Some Newspapers Shed Unprofitable Readers'

Wall Street Journal: 'Another Favorite Trade Bites the Dust'

N.Y. Times: 'Fractures in Iraq City as Kurds and Baghdad Vie'

Scotsman: 'Transcript of Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross's phone calls to Andrew Sachs'

N.Y. Post: 'EASY TICKET TO RIDE THE GRAVY TRAIN'

Bloomberg: 'Volkswagen Overtakes Exxon as Most Valuable Company'

N.Y. Post: 'FUNDS' OCTOBER SURPRISE: HEDGES FACING WORST MONTHLY LOSSES IN DECADE'

Daily Flog: Wall Street's little piggies don't want to go mark-to-market; meanwhile, more huffing and puffing

The Senate grabbed hold of the Cash for Crash bill and finally came up with a workable version — one that may work for the Wall Street crapshooters but likely not for the rest of us, who are simply loaded dice in the palms of their hands.

Part of the complex maneuverings supposedly aimed at keeping the country from sliding into Great Depression II revolves around "mark-to-market accounting" of the assets that Wall Streeters have played with to the point of, literally, no return.

Yeah, like you, I have only a hazy understanding of this. Those who are financially alliterate are welcome to read this morning's New York Post story "PIGGY POLS IN HOG HEAVEN WITH PORK-PACKED PACT." Daphne Retter's funny, funky take brings a little light to an otherwise dark day of journalism:

Here, little piggies!

Congressional deal-brokers yesterday slopped a mess of pork into the $700 billion financial rescue bill passed by the Senate last night — including a tax break for makers of kids' wooden arrows — in a bid to lure reluctant lawmakers into voting for the package

Stuffed into the 451-page bill are more than $1.7 billion worth of targeted tax breaks to be doled out for a sty full of eyebrow-raising purposes over the next decade.

More to the point of your financial future and such no-longer-arcane topics as mark-to-market accounting, lower your eyebrows, peer through this morning's financial fog and try to grab for this guidepost: Bankers and conservative Republicans (including former anti-populace populist Newt Gingrich) favor the abandonment of mark-to-market accounting rules. To which auditors, big investors, and consumer groups reply, "Are you out of your friggin' minds?"

Think of it like the nursery rhyme that goes, "This little piggy went to market . . .", and add some huffing and puffing by wolves that may eventually knock down millions of American homes.

In the present case, these little piggies went to mark-to-market, and now they want to remove that accounting rule so they can instantly wipe out their losses on the books and resume playing their Neverland gambling games with our money.

In essence, the new Senate version of the bailout bill would let Wall Streeters lie even more about the value of the assets they're trading and set us up for a rerun of the Enron scandal.

That should help things.

Or maybe the financial system is so fouled up and so wedded to its inherently corrupt trading instruments and practices that abandoning mark-to-market accounting really would help restart the credit markets and protect you from foreclosure.

Scary.

And where has Wall Street's mayor, Mike Bloomberg, been in all this? I pointed to Bloomberg's culpability on September 23, and now the New York Times is dipping its toe into the topic. The Times, of course, is making excuses for him. See this morning's "Mayor’s Stewardship Is Mixed, Fiscal Experts Say."

Enough on Bloomberg and more on the important mark-to-market piece of the corporate-bailout bill below, but first . . .

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Wall Street Journal: 'Fed Considers Rate Cut as Recession Fears Mount'

Slate: 'How to Debate a Girl, and Win' (Dahlia Lithwick)

BBC: 'Tanzania disco stampede kills 19'

N.Y. Times: 'Stopping a Financial Crisis, the Swedish Way'

Jurist: 'Ohio to proceed with absentee voting after courts rule on registration requirements'

N.Y. Times: 'Surveillance of Skype Messages Found in China'

N.Y. Post: 'MOB-CORPSE DIG'

N.Y. Times: 'Studios Sue to Bar a DVD Copying Program'

Wall Street Journal: 'Bombs Hit Shiite Worshippers in Baghdad'

N.Y. Post: 'B'KLYN GIRL, 15, NABBED IN GRISLY DEATH OF COUSIN'

Wall Street Journal: 'Analyzing the "Twelve Tribes of Politics" '

McClatchy: 'What's in that Senate bill? Something for everyone.'

Agence France Presse: 'Enron-era accounting reforms blamed in financial crisis'

Far Eastern Economic Review: 'The Great Crash of China'


Back to the dust-up over the new bailout bill's endorsement, in effect, of abandoning mark-to-market accounting:

Over at consumerwatchdog.com, John R. Simpson issues a fire-and-brimstone warning: "New 'bailout' tactic would let fat cats cook books."

Stirring the pot, today's Wall Street Journal story "Momentum Gathers to Ease Mark-to-Market Accounting Rule" explains things pretty well. Elizabeth Williamson and Kara Scannell craft a succinct lede:

The banking industry and a band of lawmakers have used the scramble to salvage the financial-markets rescue plan to give new life to an industry push to avoid billions in further write-downs with the stroke of a regulatory pen.

It would just further cloud matters for me to try to paraphrase this, so here's how Williamson and Scannell lay it out:

A proposal contained in the revised financial-rescue bill the Senate considered Wednesday reaffirms the Securities and Exchange Commission's existing authority to suspend "mark-to-market" accounting. The language was meant to send a message to the agency to re-evaluate the issue.

The practice, adopted in the aftermath of the savings-and-loan collapse in the 1980s, pegs the value of assets to their current market price, rather than the price paid for them. Banks have complained the strict application of mark-to-market rules has forced them to write down billions of dollars worth of mortgage-related securities, intensifying the squeeze in the credit markets.

Critics of the proposed changes to the "mark to market" rules say gains created by easing the rules would be illusory and would delay resolving genuine doubts about the value of mortgage assets that has caused the recent crisis in confidence.

As Bloomberg's Jesse Westbrook reported Tuesday, conservative Republicans might very well have supported the House version of the bailout bill if the SEC had suspended mark-market accounting rules.

For background, see "Auditors Resist Effort To Change Mark-to-Market," in Tuesday's Wall Street Journal, in which Judith Burns wrote:

U.S. accounting firms, which had been silent on the $700 billion financial-rescue package rejected by the U.S. House of Representatives on Monday, are opposing congressional efforts to scrap mark-to-market accounting rules. . . .

Some House members advocate scrapping mark-to-market accounting altogether as a way to help lenders holding mortgage loans and securities whose value have fallen sharply. Consumer groups have balked at the idea, and accounting firms are about to jump in as well, fearing such a change could deceive investors about the value of troubled loans and mortgage-backed assets.

Let the staggeringly diverse gaggle of opponents of abandoning mark-to-market accounting speak for themselves. This is what they told the WSJ's Burns and Bloomberg's Westbrook:

"It's just bad for investors," said Beth Brooke, global vice chair at Ernst & Young LLP, in Washington, D.C. "Suspending mark-to-market accounting, in essence, suspends reality."

"It's absolute idiocy," said Barbara Roper, director of investor protection for the Consumer Federation of America. "Allowing companies to lie to investors and lie to themselves is not the solution to the problem, it is the problem."

"Suspending the mark-to-market prices is the most irresponsible thing to do," said Diane Garnick, who helps oversee more than $500 billion as an investment strategist at Invesco Ltd. in New York. "Accounting does not make corporate earnings or balance sheets more volatile. Accounting just increases the transparency of volatility in earnings."

Still unclear? In NPR's "Senate OKs Bailout Package, House to Vote Friday," Dina Temple-Raston tries to explain:

Although senators approved the bailout plan, lawmakers aren't out of the woods yet. Conservative Republican members of the House are still calling for some sort of mandatory insurance program that financial firms would be required to buy, but it is unclear how the program would work.

They have also asked for the Securities and Exchange Commission to suspend mark-to-market accounting rules and instead require bank regulators to assess the real value of troubled assets.

Mark-to-market accounting essentially allows Wall Street firms to value (or "mark") the assets in their portfolio based on current market prices. The problem, critics say, is that under that accounting rule, sliding home prices affect not just the value of mortgages that are defaulting but of all mortgages — and therefore, of all mortgage-backed securities.

That, in turn, affects how much capital firms are required to have on hand to cover their debt exposure. And to raise that capital, firms end up having to sell other assets — which drives the price of those assets down, too. In other words, they say, mark-to-market accounting can lead to a downward spiral.

House Democrats have been opposed to both a change in mark-to-market accounting rules and to the insurance provision. It is unclear how they will work out those differences or how much the House will tinker with the bill when they get it. That said, the sense on the Hill is that everyone wants to get the vote behind them, key lawmakers say.

That's reassuring that our lawmakers — like pro athletes and philandering pols — want to pull out the hackneyed reasoning to say that all they want to do is get their past mistakes "behind them." In real time, however, the train is still hurtling down the track toward us.

Daily Flog: America's King Henry; money bailout for Wall Street but no bailout from Mets' bullpen

Please recall what Mr. Dooley said a century ago: "Trust everybody, but cut the cards." Especially when people like Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson are wheeling and dealing.

Under the bailout, we won't need to appoint Mike Bloomberg our economic czar. (He'll be free to change NYC's law and remain our mayor.)

Paulson would no longer be just another Cabinet member. He would become King Henry.

That's not hyperbole if you believe that bullshit walks while money talks. Your money. Which he would use, at his discretion (not yours or your elected officials') to bail out his Wall Street pals. As the N.Y. Post puts it: "YOUR $700 BIL TO THE RESCUE."

Paulson's control over your money would be unprecedented. In "Treasury Would Emerge With Vast New Power," the N.Y. Times's Floyd Norris writes:

Rarely if ever has one man had such broad authority to spend government money as he sees fit, with no rules requiring him to seek out the lowest possible price for assets being purchased.

You become the Belgian Congo, and he becomes your King Leopold, controlling your financial resources. Instead of keeping the loot, he'll hand it off to bankers; hopefully he won't cut off your hands.

Who elected this guy? Under the bill, the former CEO of Goldman Sachs can auction off assets, or he can just simply set prices. Every pension fund, bank, broker, pol will have to kiss his butt. Weak "oversight" panels would supposedly keep an eye on him, but that wouldn't amount to much control over Paulson's power. Norris adds:

Mr. Paulson can choose to buy from any financial institution that does business in the United States, or from pension funds, with wide discretion over what he will buy and how much he will pay. Under most circumstances, banks owned by foreign governments are not eligible for the money, but under some conditions, the secretary can choose to bail out foreign central banks.

Leave aside regime frontman George W. Bush's brief public P.R. appearance early this morning on the White House lawn. It was supposed to soothe bankers and traders and big investors, but it didn't calm any of them, based on early action in the markets this morning.

What will matter to them is what Paulson says and will do. He's about to become the most powerful man in America. No exaggeration. Just follow the money — and the guy who will control it.

What really went on in the private meetings that resulted in a bailout plan that would give the unelected Paulson more direct power over the nation's money than FDR had during Depression I?

Which leads to this question: Are Dick Cheney and Bush as paranoid and vain as Richard Nixon? Please say yes.

Then we'd have videotape of at least some of those private meetings Paulson conducted to hammer out the Cash for Crash bill. Maybe we'd even have video of Paulson going down on Nancy Pelosi in the White House to plead for a bailout of his Wall Street pals.

It probably wouldn't be the first time that Hank Paulson has been secretly taped in the White House. Before launching his career as an investment banker, Paulson was an aide to John Ehrlichman during Watergate. He's certainly familiar with private meetings in the White House about how to bail out an administration. Maybe he even sat in on some of those famous meetings of the coverup conspirators more than 30 years ago.

To refresh your memory, here's a snippet from the momentous July 16, 1973, Watergate hearing:

SAMUEL DASH, Watergate Committee Chief Counsel: If either Mr. Dean, Mr. Haldeman, Mr. Ehrlichman, Mr. Colson had particular meetings in the Oval Office with the president on any particular dates that have been testified before this committee, there would be a tape recording with the president of that full conversation, would there not?

ALEXANDER BUTTERFIELD, former Nixon aide: Yes, sir.

Mr. DASH: So if one were, therefore, to reconstruct the conversations at any particular date, what would be the best way to reconstruct those conversations, Mr. Butterfield, in the President's Oval Office?

Mr. BUTTERFIELD: Well, in the obvious manner, Mr. Dash — to obtain the tape and play it.

Play it again, Sam.

But first . . .

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Scotsman (U.K.): 'Judgment day for world economy'

N.Y. Post: 'BASE BAWL AT SHEA: FANS' LAST WHIFF AS METS STINK UP JOINT'

Telegraph (U.K.): 'Belief in God "really can relieve pain" '

Register (U.K.): ' "I can see dinosaurs from my back porch": Palin-tology and the threat to science teaching'

IAN (Indo-Asian News Service): 'Attack against Christians will not be tolerated: Dikshit'

N.Y. Times: 'Holiday Bombings Kill 27 in Baghdad'

Slate: 'Death of the Wall Street Jerkface'

McClatchy: 'Anger at bailout turns on fat salaries for Wall Street execs'

Register (U.K.): 'How an Italian judge made the internet illegal'

McClatchy: 'Rescue package aside, economy faces deep challenges'

N.Y. Post: 'STREET FAIRS FOUL, SAYS MIKE'

Slate: 'Tie Goes to Obama: Neither candidate won a clear victory'

Telegraph (U.K.): 'Miriam Margolyes' lesbian confession gave her mother a stroke'

Jurist: 'Pastors challenge US ban on political campaign activity by tax-exempt groups'

Bloomberg: 'European Lenders Get Bailouts as U.S. Crisis Spreads'

Wall Street Journal: 'Lehman's Demise Triggered Cash Crunch Around Globe'

McClatchy: 'Bailout plan faces a tough vote in Congress today'

Telegraph (U.K.): 'US warship challenges Somalia pirates'

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